the emptiness from which I feed

21.12.2007., petak

Sijeno slama sir salama

Predbožićno raspoloženje. Blagdani. Prodaja. Trik kapitalizma. Američki božićni filmovi. Prividna sreća i namješteni osmijesi. Depremirajuće.
Zagreb. Prepuni trgovi i ulice užurbanom masom nesklada. Babe u skupocjenim bundama odmjeravaju poveći komad zlatnine kod uličnog prodavača nakita. Izborane, nakinđurene i namazane čine posljednje pokušaje da se pomlade. Nekak bljak. Gužva. Mrzim ju. Strka. Jedva izbjegavam ljude u hodu. Klinci žarke želje da se izjednače u poroku sa odraslima. Spretni ulični prosjaci. Radnici se vraćaju kući nakon napornog radnog dana. Izborana lica, podočnjaci. Oronuli starci se u sporom hodu drhtavim rukama hvataju za svaki predmet. Bučna masa. Štandovi i cjenkanje. Prenatrpani tramvaji. Ljudi gaze sve pred sobom. Osjećam se blesavo. Osjećam se strano. Tražim neko mjesto gdje ću uživati u osjećaju tišine.
Zima je. Neda mi se. Oprosti. Nemoj me kriviti jer te ne volim. Molim te nemoj biti tako dobar prema meni. Molim te molim te molim te.






Neda mi se više pisati, neznam ni o čemu. Kraj. Finito. Nema inspiracije. Možda jednog dana. Ali tu sam i dalje. Hvala svima koji su čitali blog.
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Neprestano se trudim da priopćim nešto nepriopćivo, da objasnim nešto neobjašnjivo, da ispričam nešto što nosim u kostima i što se u tim kostima može doživjeti.
Možda to u biti i nije ništa drugo doli onaj strah o kome je već često bilo govora, upravo strah protegnut na sve, strah i od onog najvećeg i od onog najmanjeg, strah, grčevit strah od izricanja jedne riječi. Uostalom, možda taj strah i nije samo strah, mego i čežnja za nečim što je više od svega onoga što ulijeva strah."

Franz Kafka


"Osjećaj samoće, od djetinjstva. Unatoč obitelji - i nadasve među drugovima - osjećaj vječito osamljene sudbine. pa ipak, vrlo živahna sklonost životu i uživanju."
Charles Baudelaire



MA GDJE BILO IZVAN OVOGA SVIJETA (Charles Baudelaire)
Ovaj je život bolnica, gdje je svaki bolesnik opsjednut željom da promijeni postelju.
Jedan bi htio da pati nasuprot peći, a drugi vjeruje da će uz prozor ozdraviti.
i meni se uvijek čini da bi tamo, gdje nisam, bilo dobro, pa o tom pitanju preseljenja neprestano raspravljam sa svojom dušom.
"Reci mi dušo, jadna prozebla dušo, kako bi bilo da stanuješ u Lisabonu? Tamo mora da je toplo, i ti bi kao gušterica opet razdragano živnula.
Grad leži na vodama i kažu da je sagrađenod mramora, i da tamo narod silno mrzi biljke, pa iskorijenjuje svako stablo. To je, eto, krajina po tvome ukusu, krajina stvorena od svjetlosti, minerala i vode u kojoj se sve odrazuje."
Duša ne odgovara.
"Kad toliko voliš plandovati promatrajuči vrevu svjetinu bi li htjela živjeti u Holandiji, u toj blagoslovljenoj zemlji? Možda bi te zabavljala ta krajina kojoj si se često divila pred slikama muzeja. Što misliš o Rotterdamu, ti koja voliš šume jarbola i brodove usidrene uz podnožje kuća?"
A duša mi samo mukom muči.
"Možda bi ti se više milila batavija? Tamo bi uostalom našli duh Europe združen s tropskom ljepotom."
Ni riječi. Ta zar je moja duša umrla?
"Zar si došla do takvog otupljenja da se najbolje čutiš u svojem čemeru?
Ako je tako , bježimo tada u krajeve koji su već gotovo jednaki Smrti.
Znam ja nama treba, jadna dušo!
Spremit ćemo putne kovčege za Torneo. ma otiđimo i dalje, do na kraj krajeva Mora Baltičkog pa ako je moguće još dalje od života, nastanimo se negdje na samom Stožeru. Tamo gdje sunce kosim zrakama miluje zemlju, a spora izmjena dana i noći oduzima bivstvovanju raznolikost i povećava dosadu, tu polovinu ništavila. Tamo bismo mogli snatriti u kupelji tmina, dok bi polarno svijetlo nama za razonodu samo kadikad odašiljala svoje snopove rujna sjaja, što svijetle kao odrazi vatrometa Pakla"
Napokon se moja duša uzbuni i povikne mudro:
"Ma gdje bilo, samo da je izvan ovoga svijeta!"

Težnja za ništavilom (Charles Baudelaire)
Tmurni duše, nekoć zaljubljen u borbu,
Nada, što ostrugom podbadaše tvoj žar,
Ne želi te više uzjašiti! Lezi bez stida,
Kljusino, što se o svaku spotičeš preponu.

Budi krotko, srce, snivaj svoj živinski san

Poraženi duše, ! Za te, stari tate,
Ljubav više nema teka, a boga mi ni prepirka;
Zbogom, dakle, glazbo limena i uzdasi frule!
Slasti, ne kušajte više srce mrgodno i mračno!

Divno je proljeće izgubilo svoj miris!

I Vrijeme me guta iz minute u minutu,
Ko golem snijeg sleđen trup do krutosti;
S visoka motrim kuglu u njenoj okruglosti,
I skrovište više ne ištem u kolibici.

Lavino, hoćeš li me pomesti u svom padu?


Preobražaji vampira (Charles Baudelaire)
Ženi pak iz usta tih jagoda slatkih,
Dok svijala se ko na žeravi zmija
I gnječila dojke o čelični steznik,
Navrle su mošusom prožete riječi:
"Usna mi je vlažna i znadem vještinu
U postelji mekoj svijst smutiti drevnu,
Suze svakom suše pobjedna mi njedra,
I starce navedem da smiju se ko djeca.
Onom ko me gleda golu i bez vela,
Nadomještam mjesec, sunce, nebo, zvijezde!
Tako sam ti, mili, vrsna razbludnica,
Zagrljajem strašnim dok davim muškarca,
Ili dok ugrizima prepuštam si grudi,
Razvratne i stidne, krhke i krepke,
Da na jastucima klonulim od slasti
U pakao svršili i anđeli slabi!"

Kad mi svu moždinu isisa iz kosti,
Pa se malaksalo zatim njoj okrenuh,
Da uzvratim cjelov, ugledah još samo
Ljepljivu mješinu i već gnoja punu!
Od studenih srsi sklopih obje zjene,
A na svjetlosti jarkoj kad ih rastvorih,
Mjesto moćne lutke šta bješe kraj mene,
A već se dovoljno napojila krvi,
Tresao se ludo raspadnuti kostur,
Što škriputao je poput vjetrenice
Il cimera, na vrhu željezne šipke,
U zimskim noćima kad ih vjetar njiše.

Putovanje (Charles Baudelaire)
"O Smrti! Brodovođo stari! Dižimo sidro.
Dodijala nam ova zemlja! Isplovimo!
Ako su nebesa, mora crni kao tinta,
Znaš da naša srca prepuna su svijetla.

Ulij nam svoj otrov da nas osnaži!
Mi želimo, taj žar toliko žeže nam mozak,
Uronit u bezdano, Pak´o il Nebo, svejedno
Do dna nepoznatog da pronađemo novo!"


Stranac (Charles Baudelaire, Spleen Pariza)
Kaži, zagonetni čovječe, tko ti je srcu najdraži?
Otac ili majka? Sestra ili bratac?
- Ja nemam ni oca, ni majke, ni sestre, ni brata.
- A prijatelji?
- Smisao te riječi do dana današnjeg nisam spoznao.
- A domovina?
- Ne znam u kojem se kraju svijeta ona nalazi.
- Možda voliš ljepotu?
- Volio bih je kad bi bila božanska i besmrtna.
- Zlato?
- Mrzim ga, baš kao što vi mrzite Boga.
- Pa što onda voliš, čudnovati stranče?
- Volim oblake, oblake koji putuju...tamo...tamo daleko...one divne oblake!








NOĆ, ULICA, FENJER, APOTEKA (Aleksandar Blok)
Noć, ulica, fenjer, apoteka,
Besmisleno, mutno svjetlo drijema.
Ma živio ti još četvrt vijeka -
Bit će sve isto. Izlaza nema.

Umrijet ćeš - i sve, ko prije,
ponovit će se ispočetka:
Noć, kanalom leden vjetar brije,
Ulica, fenjer, apoteka.



"I live my life alone
And it`s Misery
Until the day I turn to stone
I shall die alone
Among the Wilderness"
(Agalloch)

"Uvijek sam tražio usamljen život (znaju to potoci i polja i šume) da bih izbjegao one nakazne i razroke duhove koji su zalutali s nebeskog puta" (Petrarca)


JER NISAM MOGLA ZA SMRTI STATI (Emily Dickinson)
Jer nisam mogla za smrti stati,
Ljubazno ona stade za me;
U kočiji, uz Besmrtnost,
Nas dvije smo bile same.

Vozismo sporo, Smrt nezna žurbe,
A i ja se oprostih
Od posla i dokolice,
Zbog Njene uljudnosti.

Prođosmo školu gdje u igri
Rvu se djeca mala;
Prođosmo žita što nas motre,
Prođosmo sunčan zalaz.

Il bolje, on pokraj nas prođe:
Od hlada rosa zadrhtala,
Jer haljina mi prozračna je,
od tila tkivo šala.

Pred jednom kućom zastadosmo
- Ko zemlja da je nabubrila -
Jedva se vidjela jer njena
Streha tek hum je bila.

Minuše otad stoljeća
Al svako kraće je, ćutim,
No dan kad shvatih da su konji
K vječnosti okrenuti.


SMRT (Emile Verhaeren)
Tužna gospo, moja dušo,
iz kojega stana tuge i zlata,
dolaziš večeras da još govoriš,
tužna gospo, moja dušo?

- Dolazim iz dvorca zubalja
kojem sam razbila zaprta vrata;
držim u rukama ruže
koje ćecvjetati na tvojem grobu...

- Blaga gospo, moja dušo,
budući da Smrt mora doći,
ja se bojim budućnosti,
blaga gospo, moja dušo.

- Ti se bojiš svoje ljepote;
život u eteru, smrt pod zemljom
savijaju cvijeće svojega otajstva
na čelu tvoje vječnosti.

- Lijepa gospo, moja dušo,
vrijeme prolazi u velikoj tuzi
sa svojom kosom na mojem pragu,
lijepa gosspo, moja dušo.

- Vrijeme je samo laž: ono biježi;
postoji samo onaj koji stvara,
ograničujući dugo trajanje
na sat, kada njegov duh tvori.


ZIMSKO SUNCE (Giosue Carducci)
U samotnoj duše moje studeni
Rađa se slatka prikaza
I taknuti odmah lome se oblaci
Tuge i iščezavaju.

S radosti modre već se obnavlja
Misao svaka: osjećam
Nutarnjim žićem da duh struji mi :
Tvrd led duše topi se.

S gibljivog vrha ugodnih utvara
Prijašnja čuvstva prodiru
Potocima svježim suza silaze
Dolje po sjeni dosade.

Silaze žamorom, koji izazivlje
Odjeke stare ljubavi,
Žuborom vode, što po obali
Cvijeće iz sna probudi.

Silaze i bistri potok stvaraju,
U kojem žalo i stabla
I brijezi i drhtav osmijeh uzduha
Mirno se širom ogleda.

Ti na vršku mutnog bivovanja
Uzlaziš, slatka prikazo;
I ispod čiste zrake gledaš gdje
Protiče potok duševni.




















Satyricon - Immortality PassionI am the beast in passionate pain
I am the grim being of the highlands
Of the other side...
I am winter when you freeze
I am the hammer and you are the anvil

Forever in warfare my heart is
With my passion of despair
Still though I was there when the hills were born
And when the wind blew for the first time
So there are reasons for my existence

Seems like I dwell in a circle
Somewhere in the Nordic Hemisphere

Where the howling winds rage
And the mountains are majestic
I can breathe and where there is
Human flesh I feel strangled


Open the gate to immortality
I stand proud awaiting the glory
Of a new morning... darkness


Anti - Zero Point

When the inner hate quiet forever
When emotions no longer exist
When this world only let you suffer
When the last piece of humanity
Inside of you is dead
When the shadows stop to speak
And your mind drowned in emptiness
When the calling of the fullmoon
Dont get you anymore
When the night lost all their beauty
When all existence looks senseless to you
When you take the others life
Before you go to the last exit
When the screams of the dying dont excite you
When you just will leave
When the chemicals burn your stomach
When the heroin seperate your soul from your body
When you take the last fly
When the knife touch your veines to open them
When the rope takes your last breath
When the warm muzzle give the last kiss to you
And nothing will remain


Anti - Mourning Soul

My days are grey like dead snow
A fire's burning in my soul
Why should I kneel lying in pain
My death is real this day

In solitude I could not tell
Just of my deepest sorrow
All time thats left is freezing me
I'm waiting for tomorrow

The fire in my mourning soul
Burns all my feelings to the ground
And all my hope has gone away
I simply will decay

Of fallen mind I ran away
Decay lies behind me
On desert plains where I can see
The northern light it blinds me

No strength or hope to break the spell
This curse that ties me down
My mortal life runs out of me
I'm dying on my own

The fire in my mourning soul
Burns all my feelings to the ground
And all my hope has gone away
I simply will decay


Immortal - Within the Dark Mind
The dark nights landscapes and only me
Seas and rivers high
Deeps and waterfalls
Massive mountains
Powerful mountains
Still only me
Where bergs and peeks throne
Cold beneath the moon

At the works of my gods
I glaze my heart to be
The nature of dark
Awake my soul to see
At the works of my gods
I glaze my heart to be
With an evil mind
...flamed my heart will be

My quest reverse the time... within the dark mind
Strength in it I find... within the dark mind

The dark nights horizons and only me
The shunning moonlit lights
The paths to forests wild
Massive sky powerful sky
Still only me
Epic and diabolic... swallowing the gloom

At the works of my gods
I glaze my heart to be
The nature of dark
Awake my soul to see
At the works of my gods
I glaze my heart to be
With an evil mind
...flamed my heart will be

The dark minds landscaped and only me
Walls of time benight...
A world I realised
Massive thoughs powerful thoughts
Still only me
A deepening of a shadow
By the dimmening of the sun



Burzum -Dunkelheit

When night falls
she cloaks the world
in impenetrable darkness.
A chill rises
from the soil
and contaminates the air
suddenly...
life has new meaning.


Old Mans Child - The Last Chapter

Suicide... my only thought
Like the silence in the dark it haunts my world
A lonely soul, lost from the path of life
I am weak... I am strong...I am soon to be dead

A journey to the world of twilight
The last chapter of my life, it's now ending

The blood on the ground beneath my feet
The knife that I hold in my hand
Shall be the cause of my death

Slowly fade away
To the other side
My final words shall be
Fuck this world....

Ending my life
I will be gone tomorrow
Slowly I fall
My soul has left my body

A journey to the world of twilight
The first chapter of my life, it's now ending


Abyssos - As the Sky Turns Black Again (Love Eternal)

She came from the lake of eternal fire
With tears of blue oil on her cheeks
She sang ancient tunes in harmony
And danced through the mist in the fullmoon light

She whispered stories of her fantasies
Erotic tales of love in forbidden words
With her pale white cheek against mine
Kissed me with her sweet lips, tasting like wine

Bring in the wine
Light up the candles
Erotic lust
Unveiling the dusk
Roses in black
Wings of filth
Dead skin so smooth
Blood sweeter than I've ever understood

Love me eternal
Sleep with me in the autumn rain
Love me infernal
As the sky turns black again
Love me eternal
Sleep with me in the autumn rain
Love me infernal
As the sky turns black...

Withe teeth penetrated her neck
Long red nails scratch her beautiful breasts
An everlasting romance in blood
An erotic act from dusk till dawn
My princess lay beside my feet
So innocent, naked and sweet
Now spread your wings and fly away
Before the sun rises and the night turns to day



Woods of Ypres - Allure of the Earth

The sun taunts you
In everything you do
Like a substance that works for everyone else
But has no effect on you

It shines for places
You'll never go
It shines for people
You'll never know

You believe that in your entire life
You will never feel
What it's like

So you turn away
Dream about an escape
A hole in the earth deep and cool
That you could climb down into

I despise the rising
Of the upsetting sun
I'll hide away
Until the day is done

I'll exclude myself
A few months of every year
To avoid the drama
Of the sun, sweat and tears

You could fall away
And no one would know
Release the tension of holding on
Feel the high of letting go

So you turn away
Elude the pressures of the sun
Go find your place in the shade
Far away from everyone

It's so easy to get your fill
When the engine turns and pushes in the dirt
It's so easy to be satisfied
When all you want to do is lay down and die

The Allure of the Earth
Those dreams can come true
When you make a deal with the earth
Who says...
"Here's what I can do for you..."

The Allure of the Earth
When you are through with trying
When you are tired and days are long
Letting go seems so inviting

The Allure of the Earth
The desire to give up
It is the encouragement
When you are discouraged

The Allure of the Earth
When the urges aren't worth fighting
The temptations on the great beyond
Become so exciting



My Dying Bride - Edenbeast

All are welcome here
To the Eden Feast
Enter if you will
This is Edenbeast

Faces stay hidden
Behind their dark masks
In arms they enter
The Great Hall of Sin
Eden, calls again
For sick minds. For me

Inside there. All laid bare
Take your pick. Devour now

Lust clawing at your feet
Desires for you to greet
Every woman a handsome treat
Young seed for you to reap
Anyone that you desire
Leave your faith at the door
Any pleasures you require
Lay all around, upon the floor
Some call this blasphemy
And try to end it all
They question our sanity
And preach Christliars' call

"Seat yourself young man
Do you see them feed?
As the feast goes on,
Do you feel their greed?"

It's my fear that tears me down
But this night we'll have no tears
I want you. Beautiful gown
Take my hand. We'll have no tears
Kiss me deep. I want you now
In my arms, we'll have no fears

Inside there. All laid bare
Take your pick. Devour now

When you've had your fill
Of poisonous flesh
Leave this place of sin
And watch your back for death



My Dying Bride - The Dark Caress

I hide myself away in the dark
I can't find my way in this hole
This twisted life is so cruel I'm so sick
I need to find her soul to save me

I remember the King
And his Queen I shall never forget
No finer woman had lay before me
Dark and filled with beauty
All it took was one lonely kiss
Her lips, swollen and red
Smothered all over me
I felt faint and without control
And with great thirst, I drank deeply

She gave to her lust and ecstacy
We kissed just once her life dripped down on me
Even now, in life's closing does she still shine
Woman of mine you'll never close your eyes

So I hide myself away in the dark
And death she bathes with me, in my heart

They'll never see what I've seen
They cannot know, who I've been
The things I've done, they torture me
But I need them, for they are me
Lust in me, you'll dream of me, life
In pitch night I'll be there watching you


My Dying bride - Grace Unhearing

Falling, drowning, deeper and forever
Choking, sinking, deeper into this ocean
Screaming, crying for someone to save me
Reaching, hoping, calling to no-one

My only sin
Was to kill a man
Deep was my pain
But I'd do the same again
Beat it out, out of me, cut me up and watch me bleed
Strike me down, cast me out
throw me into the ocean's mouth
My only prayer
Was to a God
Who I don't believe
But all the same, I'm on my knees
Beat it out, out of me, cut me up and watch me bleed
Strike me down, cast me out
Throw me into the Devil's mouth

Bleeding, weeping, calling to no-one
Pleading, alimghty, why can't you hear me

My only sin
Was to kill a man
Deep was my pain
But I'd do the sam again
Beat it out, out of me, cut me up and watch me bleed
Strike me down, cast me out
Throw me into my own mouth

Take me away
To a better place
Far from anyone
By myself and leave a gun
Beat it out, out of me, cut me up and watch me bleed
Strike me down, cast me out
Throw me into my Saviour's mouth


My Dying Bride - It Will Come

The sun will die,
On us tonight.
The days are gone,
For everyone.

The holy cry
Forever night
What have we done?
Who killed the sun?

We will be on our knees
The time has come
Thy will be done
Holy men pray
Return the day
For our souls

How can we fight,
This endless night?
Oh, lord Jesus,
Will you save us?


Lake of Tears - Netherworld

Shadows dance, in the moonlight
A chanting dance, in the dark night
A chanting hum, to summon the wind
To summon her, and the spell she brings

"Come now", the wind calls
"Come into the netherworld
Come now, come within
Into the land of the cold blowing wind"

She comes in the dark, a voice in her glimpse
"I am the silence, and the whispering wind
Come, come to me, come and take my hand
Come, come with me, into shadowland..."

"Come now", the wind calls
"Come into the netherworld
Come now, come within
Into the land of cold blowing wind"

Hand in hand, on the dark and devious path
Through the misty land, where shadows walk
"Come into shadowland, to where the winds blows cold
And become a shadow, of the netherworld..."

Dark and evil, with the face so grim
"I am the silence, and the whispering wind
Come, come to me, come and take my hand
Come, come follow me, into shadowland..."

"Come now", the wind calls
"Come into the netherworld
Come now, come within
Into the land of cold blowing wind"


Lake of Tears - Upon A Highest Mountain

I wish, I dream, a dream of mountains high
Where I can sit and look down hills, and say
" This is I"
I wish, I dream,a dream of mountains high
Where I can stand and raise my hands, and touch the sky

A streak of light, opened in the darkness
"Little child, welcome to the outer realms
This is your kingdome, this is your destiny"
That little child, that little child was me

"My son, you must wander far
There is a place, seek it skywards
Up high, where the mountains break the clouds
Ther is your place, upon the highest mountain"

A wish to wander far, to find the mountains high
A dream to be a king, up high where heaven lies
"Hurry little child, run, king to be, run
Climb the highest peak, and reach for the sun..."

I wish, I dream, a dream of mountains high
Where I can sit and look down hills, and say
" This is I"
I wish, I dream, a dream of mountains high
Where I can stand and raise my hands, and touch the sky

A strek of light, brought into the darkness
A young man, wandered into outer realms
Oh, his destiny, that he was a king to be
That young man, that young man was me

"My son, you have wandered far
Now make your seal, make it up skywards
Up high, where mountains break the clouds
There is your place, upon the highest mountain"

Upon the highest mountain...
Upon the highest mountain...
Upon the highest mountain...



Candlemass - Solitude

I'm sitting here alone in darkness
waiting to be free,
Lonely and forlorn I'm crying
I long for my time to come
death means just life
Please let me die in solitude

Hate is my only friend
pain is my father
torment is delight to me
Death is my sanctuary
I seek it with pleasure
Please let me die in solitude

Receive my sacrifice
my lifeblood is exhausted
no-one gave love and understanding
Hear these words
vilifiers and pretenders
and please let me die in solitude

Earth to earth
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust


Anti - Nothing

Ive nothing in common with you!
My inner self, an emptiness
Nothing is important!
Nothing cares!

Im alone between the masses
Im an actor in their world.
I play a role.
For what?
To be?
To be a kind of a human?
Im leading myself, behind myself
Day by day

No one see, what I see
My face is a mirror
Im sitting behind
Wearing what youll see
Behind this grotesque mask of humanity.

Questions without answer
Answers with unreadable questions
The cosmic plan, before my eyes.
Emptiness, Nothing
The ultimate evil
Ive nothing in common with you
Do you know what you have to fear?


Anti - Landscape In Minor

As long as silence fills this woe
As long as sorrow fills this life
As long as darkness fills my thoughts
As long as blackness fills my senses
I will not longer exist
I will not longer see this

As long as life needs tears
As long as tears nourish grounds
As long as memories evokes pain
As long as screams comes with longing
I will not remember
I will not life this life


Anti - Farewell (Escape Into Beyond)

Silent is the night
Blurred is the sight
Obscure are my thoughts
Red are my hands

I hear the winds that brings the death
I see the darkness that takes the life
The abyss of the mankind feed my lust
The weak beauty of their denied sorrow

Tears of waste drops on my bleeding skin
Colours darkened as I bless my life with wounds
The wounds of yearning
The wounds of end

This insignificance of this life
This dismally world in that weýre captured
The meaning of life - futile and indifferent
Finally life gives way the reign of death


Anti - Death Into Life

There are times, I ask why
Sometimes I could kill,
Sometimes I would die.
I damned it all.
What’s left?

Nothing, but ashes, hate and memories that fades.
Is it this for what we life?

Day by day...

I won’t no longer.
All the woeful lies,
The betrayals,
The distress,
And the mankind-produced-shit.

But there’s still another way.
No easy choice – there’s no return.
But what keeps me here?
Is there any argument strong enough?
What’s stronger, the fear for life,
Or the fear to die?


Anti - Longing For The End

To see this world
How it falls
To see my life
How it dies
The war with myself
The battle in my mind
Suicidal thoughts

This hopeless waiting
For the only moment
It plagues me
Rage rules my heart
The debris of my life
Pave my memories

Fading will to life
Longing for the end

Black colors
Dead feelings
Dark lights
Faceless emotions
Silent screams
... All I see
... All I am

Destruction of the I
Salvation of the will
Escape of my sorrow
Death conquers my life
Walk the path of the dark
For eternity...