Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.
Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience.
I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the last one left.
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
Art is science made clear.
...happiness gives us the energy which is the basis of health.
Newspapermen learn to call a murderer 'an alleged murderer' and the King of England 'the alleged King of England' to avoid libel suits.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter.
He who boasts of his ancestry is praising the deeds of another.
Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing.
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I have often wished I had time to cultivate modesty... But I am too busy thinking about myself.
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men.
My home is not a place, it is people.
Have patience awhile; slanders are not long-lived. Truth is the child of time; erelong she shall appear to vindicate thee.
When you make a world tolerable for yourself, you make a world tolerable for others.
We should be eternally vigilant against attempts to check the expression of opinions that we loathe.
All the world's a cage.
There are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.
We thought, because we had power, we had wisdom.
To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.
He who is not very strong in memory should not meddle with lying.
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
If you want to be respected, you must respect yourself.
I was pushed roughly but dispassionately onto my stomach and something went twice around my wrists and then tightened up as well, feeling like baling wire and biting cruelly.
The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility.
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness.
I have lost friends, some by death... others through sheer inability to cross the street.
Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand.
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.
I'm moving, but don't worry! Someone once told me we're all on the same planet, so I'll be okay!
Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.
When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.
Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.
It is easier to exclude harmful passions than to rule them, and to deny them admittance than to control them after they have been admitted.
We do not believe if we do not live and work according to our belief.
We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves.
Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn?t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.
You always pass failure on the way to success.
Without the capacity to provide its own information, the mind drifts into randomness.
When you close your doors, and make darkness within, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; nay, God is within, and your genius is within. And what need have they of light to see what you are doing?
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
Walking is man's best medicine.
When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality.
The happiest is the person who suffers the least pain; the most miserable who enjoys the least pleasure.
He who labors diligently need never despair; for all things are accomplished by diligence and labor.
How we treasure (and admire) the people who acknowledge us!
You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play.
Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
Don't mace him!" I shouted over the din. "You'll get us all too.
When we got into office, the thing that surprised me the most was that things were as bad as we'd been saying they were.
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In 1980, the conservative Ronald Reagan, a former supporter of Barry Goldwater, regained the presidency for the Republicans and reversed long-standing political trends by instituting a supply-side economic program of budget and tax cuts.
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