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Duck into one the old-timey oak booths and shut the little door; a waiter! What Happened: Here, the bartenders were too busy to feel sorry for me.

Metallic, domed hair dryers and original salon-style chairs lined up against a wall make for a hyper-specific retro aesthetic. A place to do research on my own beauty or worth. And so, when I was asked to go to some of by myself for the sake of this experiment, I took all of those complicated and, frankly, embarrassing feelings along with me.

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What Happened: Here, the bartenders were too busy to feel sorry for me. The closest relationships I had formed at these bars were with the bartenders, and like all relationships that get too intense too fast, I couldn't think of any way to end it besides ghosting. Profiles are designed to coax out users' fantasies and kinks, whether that's a couple wanting a partner swap, or a husband who wonders what it's like to be with another man. Quench your thirst with a pricey cocktail, and then meander on down to the underground dance club to rub up against the single-and-very-ready-to-mingle crowd. To show that you're a sexy sex lady who has all of her joints in working order? Bars are many things — refuges from the working world, places in which to hide your secret drinking problem — but they're also highly-charged sexual marketplaces. To my left, a group of guys around my age watched the game, ate burgers, and tried to explain the to each other. I had been afraid of feeling vulnerable if I went out to a bar alone, but this evening was already presenting a very different challenge. Good for picking up: Musicians, bartenders, artists…you know, all the people your mom warned you about.

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