Absolute beginner

14.06.2005., utorak

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Opis bloga

• Pojma nemam šta je ovo. Dnevnik nije, zadanih tema nema, jednostavno
  pišem kako i šta mi naidje.......
  
  moja dzukela danas
  
  
  moja dzukela nekad
  
  
  još nekadije
  
  
  
  
  Hm da, ovdje još staviti pohvalu mom najvjernijem čitatelju Srckyju. Srcky hvala, hvala, hvala.
  
  vr potpis
  glavna i neodgovorna urednica ovog bloga
  koja voli tjerati po svome...
  
  
  Preporuka
  Čitati obavezno Dan Brown's Da Vinčijev Kod
  
  Vic za dobro ujutro
  
  Živjela jedna baka sama pa pošto je bila bolesna pozove ona doktora
  u vizitu.
  Došao doktor kod bake, te je pregleda i kaže joj: Bako, nije
  ništa strašno, vama samo treba njega.
  E moj doktore, baka njega nije vidjela već 30 godina!
  

Linkovi

• Blog.hr
  Forum.hr
  Internet Monitor
  
  
  Moj najvjerniji čitatelj
  
  Istina i još ponešto
  
  flaster
  
  Sandučić prve pomoći, otvarati samo u slučaju glavobolje, depresije, valunga i ostalih klimakteričnih simptoma
  Jutarnja kavica
  jutarnje novine uz kavu
  protiv depresije
  protiv duboke depresije
  protiv glavobolje
  imati za svaki slučaj u torbi
  koristiti poslije depilacije
  šta sad ovdje da stavim?
  tek otkriven, ala napredujem
  
  

• 
  Junk Mail
  
  
  Dictionary
  
  BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a
  deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
  
  SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
  craps on everything, and then leaves.
  
  ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb
  success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
  
  SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming
  upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
  
  MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the
  couch potato.
  
  SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What
  yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops
  working to stay home with the kids.
  
  STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed
  out and whiney.
  
  SWIPEOUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
  because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
  
  XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from
  one's workplace.
  
  IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are
  annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials
  were a prime example.
  
  PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the shit out
  of an electronic device to get it to work again.
  
  ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just
  above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
  profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
  designed to solve.
  
  404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error
  message"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not
  be located.
  
  GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly
  the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls,
  subdivisions.
  
  OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you
  realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
  
  WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.
  
  
  

svašta nešto

• THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
  
  Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
  remembering the same thing.
  
  
  vic dana
  p.s. stoji već danima
  Pita Mujo Fatu:
  • Fato, mogu li te zvati "Eva"?
  Fata:
  • Zasto?
  • Ti si mi prva - kaze Mujo.
  Zatim Fata pita Muju:
  • A mogu li ja onda tebe zvati "Peugeot"?
  • A zasto?
  • Jer si mi 607!
  
  vic legenda
  
  Doživi Mujo brodolom i nekako se dočepa pustog otoka, kad odnekud se pojavi Severina.
  Pita Seve njega: • Jesi li žedan?
  • Pa jašta sam, nisam pio vode već 5 dana.
  Pita ga Seve: • Jesi li gladan?
  • Pa kako nisam, nisam jeo evo ima 5 dana.
  Pita Seve: • Bi li cigaru zapalio?
  Kaže Mujo: • Sve bih dao za cigaru.
  Pita Seve njega: • A šta misliš da se malo poigramo?
  • Nisi valjda i PlayStation ponijela?
  
  malo duži
  Mladi liječnik dođe raditi na selo kako bi zamijenio starog liječnika pred mirovinom.
  Stari liječnik predloži mladome zajedničke kućne posjete kako bi se ovaj upoznao s mještanima.
  U prvoj kući je mladi liječnik pozorno slušao kako stari liječnik i sredovječna gospođa raspravljaju o vremenu, o unucima i najnovijim crkvenim novinama. Nakon nekog vremena stari liječnik upita gospođu kako se osjeća.
  Ona odgovori kako ima lagane bolove u trbuhu. Liječnik na to odvrati kako je sigurno pretjerala sa svježim voćem te da bi trebala smanjiti jedenje voća te vidjeti hoće li joj to pomoći. Nakon izlaska iz kuće mladi liječnik priupita staroga kako je tako brzo postavio dijagnozu bez da je uopće pregledao ženu.
  " Nisam je ni morao pregledati. Sigurno si primijetio da sam ispustio stetoskop na pod. Kad sam se sagnuo uzeti ga pogledao sam uokolo i opazio dvadesetak kora od banane u kanti za otpatke. To je moralo uzrokovati nekakve smetnje."
  Zadivljeni novak upita starog liječnika može li on pokušati postaviti dijagnozu u slijedećoj kući i ovaj pristane.
  U slijedećoj kući živjela starija udovica. Nakon par minuta razgovora o vremenu, unucima i novim crkvenim novinama, mladi liječnik upita udovicu kako se osjeća u zadnje vrijeme.
  Ona odgovori da je vrlo umorna i da nema energije kao nekad.
  Mladi liječnik nakon toga reče kako se ona sigurno preopteretila radom za crkvu te bi bilo dobro da se malo odmori od toga.
  Kad su izašli iz kuće stari liječnik reče kako je dijagnoza vjerojatno točna, ali ga zanima kako je mladi došao do toga.
  " Baš kao vi, ispustio sam stetoskop na pod. Kad sam se sagnuo uzeti ga pogledao sam uokolo i ugledao svećenika kako se skriva ispod kreveta."
  
  malo kraći
  Liječnik i odvjetnik razgovaraju na zabavi. Njihov razgovor stalno prekidaju ljudi koji od liječnika traže kojekakve savjete. Nakon sat vremena iscrpljeni liječnik upita odvjetnika što on radi u takvim situacijama i kako sprječava ljude da ga pitaju stručna pitanja kad nije u uredu.
  " To je jednostavno" odgovori odvjetnik "ja im dam savjet i nakon toga pošaljem račun."
  Liječniku se to učini sasvim dobra ideja te sutradan napiše račun svim osobama kojima je tu večer dao savjet.
  Kad je krenuo prema pošti sreo je poštara koji mu je donio račun od odvjetnika.
  
  jedan stranjski
  A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance; one of whom approached the colonel for conversation. She said, “excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?”
  “No,” the colonel said, “just serious by nature!”
  The young lady looked at his awards and decorations, and said, “it looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
  The colonel’s short reply was, “yes, a lot of action.”
  The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “you know, you should lighten up a little.....relax and enjoy yourself.”
  The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “you know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”
  The colonel looked at her and replied, “1955.”
  She said, “well there you go, you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously ......i mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a little extreme?”
  The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, “Oh,I don’t know. It’s only 2130 now.
  
  Plavuša i tri mušk(etir)a
  In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing
  young girl.
  
  The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon
  turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes,
  
  "If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs."
  The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out
  of their wallet. And then the girl pulls us her dress a
  bit to show her legs.
  
  Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10,
  I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are,
  they all pull out a ten dollar bill.
  
  The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.
  
  Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have
  all taken off their coats.
  
  Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I
  will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
  
  Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the
  girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the
  distance and says, "There!"