Get your move on

petak , 30.07.2021.

We have slowly been cleaning and moving into the new house. After the ancient-looking oven threw a tantrum and decided to remain locked when the self-cleaning mode was clearly over (solved quite MacGyver-ishly by Jason’s Dad and friend removing the locking mechanism – take THAT, stubborn cooking appliance!), we did an inspection of all the other appliances and deemed them adequate.

So don’t be getting any ideas, Mr. Dishwasher! Or you either, Ms. Microwave, with your sometimes confusing instructions in Spanish! Or especially YOU, Mr. Freezer, with all the black dog hair I cleaned out of you – seriously, did the previous owners eat their pets? But you, Ms. Washer and Mr. Dryer – I’m cool with you.

Wednesday we moved the gigantor CD shelf of Jason’s. At the time, I was inwardly thinking that this was the heaviest thing I had ever had the displeasure to move. Because it’s sturdy as hell, about 37 feet tall, and Jason insisted we could leave all the shelves in there. (He does stuff like this all the time, insisting on moving chests and drawers with the crap still inside because “it saves time,” while I am more of the camp to remove crap because “it saves my sanity, not to mention my weeny back muscles.”)

So we moved the CD shelf to the house, where I was surprised to see another newly purchased CD shelf downstairs, ready to be assembled. Our living room is going to resemble a CD store. I wish I were joking. (Total number of CDs I own: around 80. Total number Jason owns: approximately 750. Number of CDs we have in common: 2. Current CD storing capacity: 1500.)

After that, I figured my adventures in heavy lifting were over (hence the muscular friends with pickup trucks helping tomorrow). But no, someone that may or may not have been ME decided it would be nice to move the fish tank ahead of time. So we drained about 2/3 of the tank and despite all the advice ever written claiming, “DO NOT EVER, EVER MOVE FISH WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN THE TANK,” we kept the fish in the tank because: 1) These fish are HUGE and the portable tanks I own are laughably inadequate, 2) the last time I tried to put one of the fish in the little holding tank it lasted 45 minutes before it died, and 3) the last time I waited to move the fish until moving day, it was 90 degrees and we couldn’t get the water temp regulated in time, so as friends were stopping by to see the house, I had to make them avert their eyes so that they wouldn’t see fish doing the death spiral in the tank.

But as soon as I lifted the tank, I felt roughly 18 of my back muscles tear into 43 different pieces, sprinkling shrapnel down the length of my spine.

Oznake: LiveJournal entries, Miscellaneous

Unimpressed

četvrtak , 29.07.2021.

I’m attempting to write a press announcement today (literally – it’s an announcement about a press), when one of the Tuberculosis Twins™ receives yet another phone call from her husband. He calls approximately 32 times a day, which is just like the woman in my Glamour magazine who wrote in to say that because her husband “checks in with her” at work 7-8 times a day, they are so totally IN LOVE. Actually, I think it means he is a controlling STALKER, but whatever, Glamour lady. So, Tuberculosis Twin (“Form of a Germ Molecule!”) ends her conversations with her hubby the same way every time:

“Shut up! NO, you shut up! Shut up! OK. Bye.”

(Note: Due to graphic pretend violence, viewer discretion is advised.)

Apparently, she is 13. And annoying. Even my boyfriend Batista is annoyed.

In addition to Tuberculosis Twin, there is a woman here who sneezes violently every day. About 8 or 9 sneezes each time. After the first sneeze, I always automatically think, “Bless you.” (I’d say it out loud, but she sits too far away. But not too far away that I can’t hear her explosive sneezing. Because to NOT hear that would require me to live in, say, Iowa.) After the 2nd and 3rd sneeze, I think, “OK. Let’s wrap it up here.” After Sneeze 6 or 7, I think, “Oh come on. Stop milking this already.” And after Sneeze 9, I’m ready to go over there and throttle her myself. I mean, seriously – every day?

And then, and THEN, there is this woman who makes the weirdest noise ever. And every time, I say to myself, “What the hell IS that?” Because it sounds something like this:

Bwaaaaaaarpcoughhehsnorkblorgachkldjafksfksafkhiihgggggggggkkkkkkkk

I literally cannot decide if she’s choking, puking, coughing, barking, or all four. I can’t concentrate on writing dynamic copy about our company’s capabilities when I hear the equivalent of a sea lion gargling with a dying hyena, man.

Batista needs to take action.



These are young blogs, but I think they deserve attention. Liam Writes, Writer Ring, Shiskoza. I found some interesting topics for discussion in them.

Oznake: LiveJournal entries, Work