This is my Church.. This is where I heal my hurts..

ponedjeljak, 29.10.2007.

Piknik

Sinoć smo bili na pikniku, nas nekoliko. Nitko, naravno, nije bio ponio plastične tanjure, vilice i noževe, kako smo se dogovorili u prošlom snu, pa smo jeli prstima. Neobzirno, za nas koji ne volimo jesti rukama, al ajd, ok. Ležali smo na dekici, i pričali o tome zašto je kiša slana. Netko je spomenuo nešto o oblacima, skupljanju ovakvih i onakvih čestica, bla bla, ne zanimaju me realna objašnjenja, nisam se trudila slušati. Nitko nije bio ponio karte, ne kartam, pristojna sam djevojka. Češkali smo se svi međusobno onako s nožnim prstima, ugodan osjećaj. Mozak potpuno prazan očitavao se u mojim očima, predivne tirkizne boje. Drava je, naravno, pomogla da izgledaju još ljepše. Jedan dugi trenutak smo svi bili šutjeli. Naišao je bio neki čovjek, i pitao nas kako nas nije sramota. Svi se nasmješismo. Dapače, gospodine, rekosmo, griješnici smo, hedonisti, ovisni o ovome i onome, zašto o zašto bi nam, pobogu, bilo bitno da li ćemo, ležući na travi, na imaginarnom pikniku, ikome izgledati čudno. Mi smo, naravno, naših imaginarnih piknika uvijek svjesni kao imaginarnih, uostalom, tako smo se i dogovorili, u prošlom snu. Da nema potrebe i smisla doživljavati ljude koji nam se prikradu iz realne noćne šetnje sa svojim ćukcima. Čovjek nas je pogledao, i produžio. Burek, koji smo pripremili za ovu priliku, bio je hladan već pri kupnji. Nisam ga pojela, ne jedem prstima, pristojna sam djevojka. Malo smo još tako posjedili, zaključili kako je piknik potpuna propast, i otišli kući. U noćašnjem snu smo se dogovorili, da ćemo ga ipak ponoviti. Svjež zrak je dobar za zdravlje. Svoj dolazak sam uvjetovala donošenjem pribora za jelo. Obećali su da će se pobrinuti za to. Naravno, netko će ponijeti i ''Čovječe, ne ljuti se''. Sve osim karata. Ne kartam, pristojna sam djevojka.

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Opis bloga

This is my Church.. This is where I heal my hurts...

..naklapanja pod utjecajem nedostatka sna i inog..

evo jedne pjesme, koja me savršeno opisuje i raspameti uvijek i iznova kad ju čujem!

Djordje Balasevic

Devojka sa cardas nogama

Nosila je jelek svileni
kao u pesmi narodnoj
i krstic, znak na lancicu
da nekog ceka navodno

O to su bili svatovi
sve kiceni i zlaceni
a mi smo bolje svirali
neg' sto smo bili placeni
al' dobro, sad

Nosio sam sal od kasmira
i prsluk protkan tajnama
bas od takvih su je cuvale
tetke sa 'ladnim trajnama

Ko srna me je gledala
zalosnom pesmom sludjena
cije si, pile pirgavo
sto nisi meni sudjena, e da

Hej pusti kose pune polena
hajde bas u inat babarogama
hopa digni suknju iznad kolena
znam da krijes cardas
u tim lepim nogama

Rekoh joj bezi, mani se
i trazi bolje partije
premala je moja tambura
da te od kise sakrije

Rekoh joj ja sam samo tu
da vreme brze proleti
ja nosim cizme skitaljke
mene je tesko voleti, pa da

Hej doleti, mala senice
tu na moje zlatne civije
vatra sara tvoje zenice
razbij nesto i zaigraj ludo, divlje

Nema smisla da pišem išta o sebi, ne bi značilo ništa, tu u ovom virtualnom svijetu.. Nadam se da će Vam moji stihovi pomoći da me upoznate..

uđi.. u moju sobu snova..

Koga sišem za inspiraciju...

“I sit here
drunk now.
I am
a series of
small victories
and large defeats
and I am as
amazed
as any other
that
I have gotten
from there to
here
without committing murder
or being
murdered;
without
having ended up in the
madhouse.

as I drink alone
again tonight
my soul despite all the past
agony
thanks all the gods
who were not
there
for me
then.”

Charles Bukowski

“I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it: "Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I'll be ready.”

Delimir Rešicki

Soundtrack. Psi

Ja sam tek zbunjeno pseto
što liže sukrvicu s plahti
pod kojima su se mrtvi
zalud pokušali skriti od živih
da im gamad iz dana u dan ne pljačka sve pliće
i pliće rake.

Što žderem to i lajem

i starim jednako ružno
kao i moja poezija

i starim jednako ružno
kao i moja poezija.

Matthew Sweeney - Hair

Imagine a rain of hair
from all the barber shops in China
falling on the world.
Imagine the first clumps dropping
softly on your face.
Reach up and rub some
between your fingers.
But soon the ground is covered
and hair keeps falling -
and among the loose hair
pigtails, ponytail, wigs.
And now blond northern hair
has joined the black and brown.
Dog hair, too, wool even,
and you're brushing it into piles
but burnt, it stinks to heaven.
Buried, it comes back out
or that's what it looks like
when more covers the graves.
And now you're swallowing some
and it's snarling your guts,
and your eyes are stinging
and it's filling up your nose,
so grab a few handfuls,
better still, cut your own off,
braid ti into a rope and strangle
yourself. Then lie there
till the hair dissolves your corpse.

Yann Tiersen - Rue de Cascades

Youtube Videos
Nešto predivno, jednostavno predivno..

Matthew Sweeney - The Doors

Behind the door was another door
and behind that was another.

The first door was black,
as befitted a four-storey Georgian house
on a street shaded by oaks.

The second door was the grey
of the sky behind rain.

The third door was blue, or blue-green
let's say cobalt - with a stiff black wrought - iron handle

which took the shape of a mermaid
instead of a dog or a dragon.
Or the rattlesnake I expected
to rear up, hissing at me
when I crossed the threshold.

No chime announced me.
No animal or person met me.

The corridor I looked down
was lined with male portraits.
The rug had embroidered females.

The ghost of incense haunted
the air I hardly breathed.

I took a couple of half-steps
then stood there, listening.

I heard the portraits breathing
and from some distant room
a cuckoo clock cuckooing.

My smile turned into a cough
that echoed off the walls
and infiltrated the house.

The women on the first rug
were grinning at me.

All the eyes in the portraits
were turned my way.

I looked back at the door
heard the lock click,
then beyond another lock,
then another.

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks,cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin,let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North,my South,my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon,my midnight,my talk,my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

A. G. Matoš: Utjeha kose

Gledo sam te sinoć. U snu. Tužnu. Mrtvu.
U dvorani kobnoj, u idili cvijeća,
Na visokom odru, u agoniji svijeća,
Gotov da ti predam život kao žrtvu.

Nisam plako. Nisam. Zapanjen sam stao
U dvorani kobnoj, punoj smrti krasne,
Sumnjajući da su tamne oči jasne
Odakle mi nekad bolji život sjao.

Sve, baš sve je mrtvo: oči, dah i ruke,
Sve što očajanjem htjedoh da oživim
U slijepoj stravi i u strasti muke,

U dvorano kobnoj, mislima u sivim.
Samo kosa tvoja još je bila živa,
Pa mi reče: Miruj! U smrti se sniva.

Sergej Jesenjin

DO VIĐENJA, DRAGI, DO VIĐENJA

Do videnja, dragi, do videnja.
Ljubav mili u grudima spava.
Ništa ovaj rastanak ne mijenja,
Možda novi susret obecava.

Do videnja mili, bez ruke i bez slova
neka ti tuga obrve ne povije.
Umrijeti nije ništa novog
niti živjeti ništa novije>.
.............................

Tko sam? Što sam? Onaj koji sanja,
modre oči u maglama sivim.
Ovaj život koji me proganja
sa drugima kao usput živim.

Po navici ljubim te i žalim
zato jer sam ljubio i prije
i, kako da cigaretu palim,
o ljubavi govorim i snijem.

"Draga moja", "mila" i "dovijeka",
a u duši ništa, samo laži.
Kad ugasnu strasti u čovjeka,
tu, naravno, istinu ne traži.

Zato moja duša i ne želi
i ne traži neugasiv plamen.
Ti si moja breza koja seli,
stvorena za druge ko i za me.

No, iako tražim blisku sebi,
umoran od riječi koje čujem,
ja nikada ljubomoran ne bih,
nikad nisam htio da te psujem.

Tko sam? Što sam? Onaj što sanjari,
modre oči zgasle su u mraku.
I tebe sam ljubio, ne mari,
ko i drugi, usput i tek tako.
...................................

Charles Baudelaire

''Sva priroda hram je gdje stupovi živi
Izrijecima mutnim ponekad se glase:
kroz šumu simbola čovjek probija se
i pod njinim prisnim pogledima živi.''

Egzotični miris

Kad sklopljenih vjeđa u jesenje veče
Pijem žudno miris tvojih vrelih grudi,
Na žale blaženstva duša mi odbludi,
U slap žitkog sunca što sveudilj teče.

To je otok sneni kojem zemlja daje
Drveće prebujno, rujno sočno voće;
Vitki snažni momci tu plandujuć kroče,
A oči se žena razdragano sjaje.

Odmamljen daleko dahom iz njedara,
Gledam luku punu klonulih jedara
I trudnih brodova od prošle oluje.

A vonj tamarida, što pline od žara,
Draškajuć nosnice, dok lahori struje,
U meni se miješa s pjevanjem mornara.

Tin Ujević

Pobratimstvo lica u svemiru

Ne boj se! Nisi sama! Ima i drugih nego ti
koji nepoznati od tebe žive tvojim životom.
I ono sve što ti bje,ču i što sni
gori u njima istim žarom,ljepotom i čistotom.

Ne gordi se! Tvoje misli nisu samo tvoje! One u
drugima žive.

Mi smo svi prešli iste putove u mraku,
mi smo svi jednako lutali u znaku
traženja,i svima jednako se dive.

sa svakim nešto dijeliš, i više vas ste isti.
I pamtim da je tako od prastarih vremena.
I svi se ponavljamo veliki i čisti,
kao djeca što ne znaju još svojih imena.

I snagu nam, i grijehe drugi s nama dijele,
i sni su naši sami iz zajedničkog vrela.
i hrana nam je duše iz naše opće zdjele,
i sebični je pečat jedan nasred čela.

Stojimo čovjek protiv čovjeka,u znanju
da svi smo bolji,međusobni,svi skupa tmuša,
a naša krv,i poraz svih,u klanju,
opet je samo jedna historija duša.

Strašno je ovo reći u uho oholosti,
no vrlo sretno za očajničku sreću,
da svi smo isti u zloći i radosti
i da nam breme kobi počiva na pleću.

Ja sam u nekom tamo neznancu,i na zvijezdi
dalekoj,raspreden,a ovdje u jednoj niti,
u cvijetu ugaslom,razbit u svijetu što jezdi,
pa kad ću ipak biti tamo u mojoj biti?

ja sam ipak ja,svojeglav i onda kad me nema,
ja sam šiljak s vrha žrtvovan u masi,
o vasiono! ja živim i umirem u svjema;
ja bezimeno ustrajem u braći.

Pablo Neruda

Znaš kako je to
ako gledam
kristalni mjesec, crvenu granu
E, pa dobro,
ako malo-pomalo prestaneš voljeti me
i ja ću prestati tebe voljeti
malo-pomalo.
Ako smatraš dugim i ludim
vjetar zastava
što prolazi kroz moj život
i odlučiš
ostaviti me na obali
srca u kome imam korjenje ..
zapamti
da ću toga dana,
toga trena
dići ruke
išćupati svoje korijenje
u potrazi za drugim tlom.
Ali ,,
ako svaki dan,
svaki sat,
prestaneš mi biti sudbina
s neumoljivom slašću,
ako se svakoga dana popne
jedan cvijet do tvojih usana tražeći me
u meni se sva ta vatra ponavlja,
u meni ništa nije ugašeno ni zaboravljeno,

Faithless_-_I_Want_More_HD by
Za sirotu napaćenu dušu moju..

i on mene voli slušati.. samo to još nije shvatio..

Nick Cave - Are You The One That I've Been Waiting For

.. meni jedna od najdražih pjesama..

I've felt you coming girl, as you drew near
I knew you'd find me, cause I longed you here
Are you my desitiny? Is this how you'll appear?
Wrapped in a coat with tears in your eyes?
Well take that coat babe, and throw it on the floor
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?

As you've been moving surely toward me
My soul has comforted and assured me
That in time my heart it will reward me
And that all will be revealed
So I've sat and I've watched an ice-age thaw
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?

Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed
They're only little tears, darling, let them spill
And lay your head upon my shoulder
Outside my window the world has gone to war
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?

O we will know, won't we?
The stars will explode in the sky
O but they don't, do they?
Stars have their moment and then they die

There's a man who spoke wonders though I've never met him
He said, "He who seeks finds and who knocks will be let in"
I think of you in motion and just how close you are getting
And how every little thing anticipates you
All down my veins my heart-strings call
Are you the one that I've been waiting for?

Wonderful Life

Come in, babe
Across these purple fields
The sun has sunk behind you
Across these purple fields
That idiot-boy in the corner
Is speaking deviated truths
Come on, admit it, babe
It's a wonderful life
If you can find it
If you can find it
If you can find it
It's a wonderful life that you bring
Ooh it's a wonderful thing

Speak our secret into your hands
And hold it in between
Plunge your hands into the water
And drown it in the sea
There will be nothing between us, baby
But the air that we breathe
Don't cry
It's a wonderful, wonderful life
If you can find it
If you can find it
If you can find it
It's a wonderful life that you bring
It's a wonderful, wonderful thing

We can build our dungeons in the air
And sit and cry the blues
We can stomp across this world
With nails hammered through our shoes
We can join that troubled chorus
Who criticise and accuse
It don't matter much
We got nothing much to lose
But this wonderful life
If you can find it
And when you find it
And when you find it
It's a wonderful life that you bring
It's a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful thing

Sometimes our secrets are all we've got
With our lives we must defend
Sometimes the air between us, babe
Is unbearably thin
Sometimes it's wise to lay down your gloves
And just give in
Come in, come in
Come in, come in
To this wonderful life
If you can find it
And if you find it
It's a wonderful life that you bring
It's a wonderful, wonderful thing
It's a wonderful life
It's a wonderful life

Jedna posebno posebna pjesma iz posebnih razloga.. ..

Depeche Mode - Only When I Lose Myself

Its only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
Its only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

Something beautiful is happening inside for me
Something sensual, its full of fire and mystery
I feel hypnotized, I feel paralized
I have found heaven
Theres a thousand reasons
Why I shouldnt spend my time with you
For every reason not to be here I can think of two
Keep me hanging on
Feeling nothings wrong
Inside your heaven

Its only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
Its only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

I can feel the emptiness inside me fade and disappear
Theres a feeling of contentment now that you are here
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
Your velvet heaven

Did I need to sell my soul
For pleasure like this
Did I have to lose control
To treasure your kiss
Did I need to place my heart
In the palm of your hand
Before I could even start
To understand

Its only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself
Its only when I lose myself in someone else
That I find myself
I find myself

Pjesma koja me proganja ovih dana

Nick Cave - Hold on to yourself

I’m so far away from you
I’m pacing up and down my room
Does Jesus only love a man who loses?
I turn on the radio
There’s some cat on the saxophone
Laying down a litany of excuses

There’s madhouse longing in my baby’s eyes
She rubs a lamp between her thighs
And hopes the genie comes out singing
And she lives in some forgotten song
And moves like she is zombie-strong
Breathes steady as the pendulum keeps swinging

You better hold on to yourself

Well, cities rust and fall to ruin
Factories close and cars go cruising
In and around the borders of her vision
She says oh woah woah woah
As Jesus makes the flowers grow
All around the scene of her collision

Oh you know, yes, I would
I would hold on to yourself

In the middle of the night
I try my best to chase outside
The phantoms and the ghosts and the fairy-girls
On 1001 nights like this
She mutters open sesame and Ali Baba and his forty thieves
Launch her off the face of the world

Well, you know
Oh baby, I’ll come back
And I’ll hold on to yourself

Babe, I’m 1000 miles away
And I just don’t know what to say
‘Cause Jesus only loves a man who bruises
But darling we can clearly see
It’s all life and fire and lunacy
And excuses and excuses and excuses

Well, you know if I could I would
Yeah, I would lie right down
And I’d hold on to yourself

Yeah, I would lie right down
And I would hold on to yourself

One day I’ll come back to you
And I’ll hold on to yourself

Yeah, I’m gonna come back
Gonna lie down
And I’ll hold on to yourself

This is my Church.. This is where I heal my hurts..

ponedjeljak, 29.10.2007.

Piknik

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