Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers.
Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter.
If one sticks too rigidly to one's principles, one would hardly see anybody.
You should not live one way in private, another in public.
Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far.
The scornful nostril and the high head gather not the odors that lie on the track of truth.
We do not believe if we do not live and work according to our belief.
Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.
You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do.
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
Take a two-mile walk every morning before breakfast.
We think in generalities, but we live in detail.
I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
The strongest possible piece of advice I would give any young woman is: Don't screw around, and don't smoke.
A smiling face is half the meal.
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Depend not on fortune, but on conduct.
Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousand of miles and all the years you have lived.
Where facts are few, experts are many.
Worrying about them always struck me as about as useful as worrying about getting hit by lightning.
Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.
To do anything truly worth doing, I must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in with gusto and scramble through as well as I can.
It's never just a game when you're winning.
Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better.
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.
Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.
Whatever you fear most has no power - it is your fear that has the power.
The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.
One of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid.
Illusions are art, for the feeling person, and it is by art that you live, if you do.
Funny business, a woman's career: the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman.
We are what we repeatedly do.
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.
The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next.
To try to be better is to be better.
He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed.
There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.
You know what's interesting about Washington? It's the kind of place where second-guessing has become second nature.
He who labors diligently need never despair; for all things are accomplished by diligence and labor.
We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.
When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true.
Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law.
Think of yourself as an incandescent power, illuminated and perhaps forever talked to by God and his messengers.
I like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporaly out of order sign, only an escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
A doctor saves lives -- It's up to people to create lives that are worth saving.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
History is indeed little more than the register of the crimes, follies and misfortunes of mankind.
No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded.
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
None are so busy as the fool and knave.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
There are admirable potentialities in every human being. Believe in your strength and your youth. Learn to repeat endlessly to yourself, 'It all depends on me.'
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
There are more tears shed over answered prayers than over unanswered prayers.
The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois.
Nothing is said that has not been said before.
But be, as you have been, my happiness...
In the absences of a decent time machine, fiction remains the most sturdy vehicle for visiting other eras.
'Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.' Under the influence of this pestilent morality, I am forever letting tomorrow's work slop backwards into today's, and doing painfully and nervously today what I could do quickly and easily tomorrow.
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