>>Few things to know<<

Sve sto napisem na ovome blogu nosit ce neku pouku koja nece biti napisana izravno vec ju treba potraziti izmedju redova...Svatko koga ce dovoljno zanimati o cemu se radi skuzit ce...mozda jesam komplicirana ali takva sam ako se nekome ne svidja samo neka jos malo pomakne misa i klikne na crveni x u desnome kutu!!

Sve u svemu necu pisati svoju biografiju jer od toga nemam koristi,blog nisam radila zato da stavljam svoje slikice i promoviram samu sebe, vec sam ga napravila da odredjenim osobama pokazem put...te osobe znaju tko smo i nije im potreban moj opis...Ako vas zanima kako stvar ide dalje hmm,nastavite citati...

Krvavi dani su pred nama...put nikome nije posipan njeznim ruzinim laticama vec cijelim putem netko nam pod noge baca zeravicu i bodljikavu zicu!Bez obzira na sve mi smo jaki i znam da cemo uspijeti..ako treba proliti svaki mjesec litru krvi,pa i vise,spremna sam i na to..Nije mi vazno kroz koliku bol moram proci,niti mi je vazno koliko zrtve od same sebe moram dati...jer znam da imam najvecu podrsku na svijetu uvijek kraj sebe i bas zato uporno idem dalje i dalje..pa makar na kraju bez ruku i nogu ostala nije mi bitno, bitno mi je samo da stignem na cilj...Za kraj zelim naglasiti da ovaj blog treba citati pazljivo,i svaku rijec protumaciti pet puta da bi se otkrila stvarna misao...

>>>My Blood My Pain<<<

Please extend my life from begining but this time find one way without end.. When the night come down and moon lighten cold paths I `ll send you black rose cull beside my grave..

When sadly morning comes you `ll know that my place is empty impregnate with sorrow and blood impregnate with cold bustling..

Please extend my life from begining but this time find one way without end.. I know this day will come when I `ll be in peace and alone when my bones become ash when my soul become only shade..

And I know one day I will find a way to spread my wings like an angel and fly to you when night shadows take down.. One day.. One day.. Please extend my life from begining but this time find one way without end.. One day.. One day..

...Poems for Dead...

Are these dreams nightmares, they arent really that sweet, my depressive search for answers continues in my sleep, the face returns to haunt me, i cant move from my knees, the bed sheets stained with tear drops and blood from wounds that weep, the pain that rests inside me recurring as a dream, in worlds that only i feel and only i believe,

The only way you'll ever know, words uttered in my sleep, a message from where i go when im leaving here, senses fuel emotion, impossible to concieve, my mouth cannot pronouncethe things i sometimes feel, my eyes are never looking, though i can always see, the hurting that still hides away
somewhere inside of me.

>>>Eternal Lovers<<<

Memories come sharply, strongly Mingling with myth and lore, You bow and sigh then call me, vowing, “We are one forevermore.” Roses gathered, gently, softly, A shocking red against my grave. You place them there, then whisper, sighing, “We are one forevermore.” Tear drops falling, quickly, briskly, Forming streams of icy gray. You say you love me, and I think, yearning, We are one forevermore. Gray mist rising, thickly, darkly, Dancing around the man in black. I circle you, and you hear me, crying, “We are one forevermore.” My form appearing, swiftly, vividly, Pleasing you with my gown of white. I stand beside you, and you smile, saying, “We are one forevermore.” Hand extended, lovingly, adoringly Shuddering with expectant bliss, You touch me, and we tremble, singing, “We are one forevermore.” In your arms, gladly, hotly, Shocking emotion sears my soul. We dance as specters watch us, humming, They are one forevermore. Daylight rising, brightly, quickly, Fading black a call for sleep. At your grave, I kiss you, swearing - We are one forevermore.

..I will escape one day..

I'm locked in a room. This place is my hell. I swear I will break the window If you don't let me out. Do you think I'm crazy? That's so far from true I'm hilariously sane... Considering how I spoke to you. At my door you're an armed guard and the one time I broke the lock I was thrown back in, stabbed in the heart... I'm dead now, you don't have to worry anymore about me trying to escape, because I'm already free... Soon my prison doors will open when you realize my rat siblings are consuming me... And my soul will fly away unnoticed. Out the door and down into the earth to find something new
I will find something new to be.

...Life's Lessons...

Teach me to smile.. I've forgotten the way.. Teach me to speak .. What can I say? Show me your god.. To whom I've never prayed.. Be with me.. No one else has stayed.. Strengthen my heart.. For it is tattered and frayed.. I would learn to love If you let me, if I may.. And if I learn to live.. How much must I pay? Will you take my life?And lay it on a silver tray.. And if I take your hand.. Will we be o.k?Or will you fight and keep me away.. Will you teach me to love?Or keep my feelings at bay.. Should I be with you? At night and in the day.. Or should I do what you say..And stay so far away..

...Black Inevitability...

Every thing I touch goes black dark as pitch, color never to come back.. Day dies and is replaced by night.. Light is drained and pulled out of sight.. As far as I can see there is no light to follow.. No moon to let off a silvery glow.. No sun to announce the beginning of tomorrow.. Life vanishes and death is what replaces.. Vibrancy and joy are stolen.. And all that's left are empty spaces.. His voice gives fear.. His eyes blood red.. He knows not love.. But lives in hate instead
What is he to others? He is their demise.. He is what kills on a moonless night.. The tears that they cry.. Who else can put themselves in my place? Who else can stare into deaths cold hard face? Whether or not you want to.. Let your mind unbend.. For you know as well as I do.. That your life will inevitably end..

...I Can Cry...

Can you not see me? My eyes are filled with tears.. Can you not hear me?.. I`ve been crying all these years.. I guess I've hidden it inside.. Pushed it as deep as it can go.. I guess I'm a pretty good actress.. And never let it show.. I'm afraid they see me weak.. For just a single moment of the day.. I'm afraid they see the little girl.. Not the bitch that's tough in every single way.. Only a select few have ever seen at my worst.. Very few people have ever seen me cry
I apologize to those.. They are not your problems, but mine.. But as strong as I look.. I have so many fears.. And as tough as I seem.. I've shed too many tears..

...Blank...

It all piles up.. sadness.. pain.. hunger for love.. Fed by hate.. Surrounded by corpses.. Physically alive.. Their souls are dead.. Sheep followers.. The norms.. They will live their lives.. Be happy.. Have a family.. And have a car, a horse.. Lots of money.. But when they get to the end.. And ask them selves.. What have I accomplished? Their minds will be black.. Clean slate.. A canvas doomed to stay blank..

Glitter Goth

Black on black.. With butterfly clips.. Sparkles on my eyes.. With blood red lips.. All in all I'm just a kitten.. Cute as hell.. But don't get bitten.. I can fall in love.. Every other day.. But with their minds I will play.. I will get my revenge on those with merit.. But I'm fair.. They'll have to deserve it.. Firefly bright.. Or quiet as a moth.. I'm incomprehensible.. The Glitter Goth..

Between and Beyond

Beyond good and evil.. Beyond black and white.. Between hell and heaven.. Out of our sight.. To only love or to hate.. It is all the same.. Pure action and reaction.. With only you to blame.. Is there a tolerable gray.. Between happy and sad.. Can any one point out the line.. Between genius and mad.. Must you really die.. To know the meaning of life.. And to truly understand joy..Must you have experienced strife..

So dont cry to me oh baby.. Your futures in an oblong box.. Dont cry to me oh baby you should have seen it a-coming on.. Dont cry to me oh babyI dont know it was in your card.. Dont cry to me oh baby Dead-end soul for a dead-end girl.. Dont cry to me oh baby and now your life drains on the floor.. Dont cry to me oh baby..

Living Inside The Hell of Myself

In the morning when I wake...
I open my eyes, and I see the rain
knowing my first steps will be in pain
Screwing up the courage to step out of bed
Gaining the strength to see nothing but red

I open my eyes, and hopelessness again descends
Thoughts of darkness and other odds and ends
Looking inward trying to find some light
Looking for something happy instead of this blight

I open my eyes thinking why should I get up
With only horrid thoughts to brace me up
Struggling hard now to find a reason
Straining that brain thats full of treason

The course of my day...
I head to the restroom, hoping to purge some pain
I catch a glimpse in the mirror, and grin in disdain
Searching for hope in that old familiar face
Knowing I won't find it, not in that place

I head to the kitchen for coffee and meds
hoping to salvage sanity, at least a few shreds
Looking for some rescue from the darkness inside
Finding it never, though, God knows I've tried

Now on to my day, what can I hope to complete
Some little accomplishment to outweigh the defeat
Beseeching myself to find something good
Searching for clarity, not to be misundersood

So many little things, one after another
First it is easy, then my brain becomes clutter
Trying so hard to untangle the mess
Struggling so hard with so little success

Paperwork, cooking and cleaning, its a difficult chore
Life is confusion, and I am its whore
Wanting so hard for something much different
Beseeching myself for a wholesome commitment

Day is almost over and the cooking is done
I yearn in my heart to do something fun
Yearning so greatly for laughing and dancing
Screeching inside, because darkness again is advancing

In the dark of my nights...
Daylight is gone, and the sky matches my soul
So, dark so lonely, its sucks me into that black hole
Praying and hoping for sleep to come quick
Forgetting for awhile, and dreaming of not being sick

The world is asleep, save for me, as always alone
The thoughts of the bad things, cut me quick to the bone
Lying there alone, hurting, sad, and wanting to die
Knowing there's no one in the night and nothing left but to cry

I struggle and fight, not to let the depression creep
A battle so feirce and lonely, the climb up so steep
Wanting so much to be "normal" and not in this hell
Wishing and hoping to only be well

Ah, sleep's sweet release, a short little death
Life in sweet flowers, roses, orchids, baby's breath
Hoping for dreams, that are filled with nothing but good
Dreaming of a life, of feeling normal happy, when I should

This short release is not often, because dreams can be bad
They often reflect, our thoughts and the kind of day we had
Soaring in happiness, is often too swift and too fast
Begging my God, please, Lord, let this happiness last

The illness consumes me, and I want my life back
I put on my happy face, and try not to crack
Yearning so much to be happy and filled with laughter
Knowing the climb is so long and so steep, But Lord...
Please... That's what I'm after....

>>Pain called Love<<

Bleak midwinter, And snow lies all around, My heart is cold and empty, And I long to walk on the hot sand, With the sun burning my body, And my love close at hand, Will you ever return?, Or will I always live in bleak midwinter, Send me word of where you are, Have you found a new love, Have you moved on to someone new?, I am still in a frozen state, Stuck rigid where you left me, Unable to move on, One kiss would thaw my bones, One moment of bliss would unfreeze my toes, I would follow you to the ends of the earth, But my feet are frozen to the ground, And all around there is no sound, In this frozen wilderness, I will live forever, Suspended in time, A monument to discarded love Maybe someday, that I can open to you, and say all the feelings, I know to be true. Maybe this day, You'll give me your heart, Instead just seeing you tear mine apart. Maybe tomorrow, I'll find my true self to tell you, you mean more to me than anyone else. Maybe you'll love me for all I am, not what I look like for that, I'd be damned. Maybe this day you will kiss me for hours, to hold you in my arms and feel love's true power. Maybe this power, will conquer everything, then I will know, what your love brings. But until then my eyes wont be dry, because every night, I stay up and cry. But I now know, that these tears just bring pain, that all of my efforts, have been in vein. Maybe you'll hate me, and despise my voice too, but no matter what, I will always love you. You bring me joy, unparralled love, and I know that these feelings, only come from above. you are my angel, my very best friend, I will always love you, my friend till the end. But until the day, I can open to you, all I can do, is pray for you. Maybe someday, that I can open to you, and say all the feelings I know to be true. Come closer and look deeply into my eyes, Tell me I'm the only one, That keeps your heart alive. Sometimes I feel so alone and so afraid, The fear of lonliness grips me, And your cold hand and soul walk me to my grave. I hold out my hands, Look at the Crimson Pain, I Bleed For You Now My Love, But would you do the same? A little closer now look deeper into my eyes, Can you see the death in them? My soul drowning in lies. Sometimes I feel so cold without no chance of warmth, I stand alone in this Dark Void, To brave your frigid storm. I hold out my heart, Watch it beat in pain, Piece by piece I Bleed For You, You wouldn't do the same. So now take my story my Love, Take it with you through time, I Bleed For You Eternally, And I now give you my life. I was alone, in the masses, I was no one, amongst the many, I searched for hope, when there was none, I searched for love, when I only found frost, I searched for you, on years and years on end, I searched for you, Who I could not find, You were my chalice, quenching my thirst, You were my bread, So I had no hunger, You were my all, to fill my nothingness, Now you are no more, still I won't believe, Now you are no more, Still I search, still I hope, for, hopeless dreams, wishes crushed, and love not found. So much, but so little.