YOU KNOW YOU'RE A CROATIAN WHEN.....
All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one
key ingredient
"Vegeta"
You were still in elementary school the first time you
got drunk
You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window
for fear of catching
pneumonia from the "propuh" (even in the middle of
summer)
There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2
year supply of Brandy
You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away
The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable,
unless it is Croatian
English words are acceptable if used with the ending
"A-T-I" which makes
them Croatian..."play-ati", "study-ati"
At least one family member makes his own wine
"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all
occasions, but to cure
illness and as a massage lotion as well
At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town
with your friends for
Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and
dances
Your parents were at the function where you got drunk
The majority of your friends are also your relatives,
even if they aren't
your relatives, you refer to their parents as "Teta"
and "Striko"
"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when
cooking...they are also used by
Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy
At least once before you've told your parents that
you'll call the police to
report "child abuse" and your parents said "Samo
probaj"
Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion
When leaving the house to go out, you always receive
the same
warnings(regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis", "Pamet
u glavu", "Nemoj me
sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem"
Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama
will know before you
make it home
Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home
McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti
taj junk?"
Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you
don't graduate from
"fakultet"
Lunch on sundays have more courses than Amerikanci
have for Christmas or
Thanksgiving dinner
You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello,
that gelatin can also be
prepared with pigs feet
There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA
Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in
the dishwasher
Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand
All other action stops when you hear people speaking
Serbian in a store
somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in
english so that the serbian
people won't find out you speak "their" language and
start trying to be your
friend.
You have at least one short-wave radio in your house
You live with your parents until you are married
Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because
you didn't eat enough
When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u
pizdu materinu"
Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in
all seasons
Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing
scene
Dida & Baka insist you are quiet while he watches the
news even though he
doesn't understand a single word they're saying.
Regardless of the fact he
doesn't understand what they're saying, he knows more
about what's going on
in the world than you do
You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama
and Tata as you were
growing up
Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that
it meant "NO!"
Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow be
traced back to Serbs
Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money
had a cell phone
before you and wears only name brand clothing
Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you
are not married by the
age of 18
You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland
You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home
You have 17 consenants in your name and only 2 vowels
Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Amerikanac
You cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide
Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's
No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on
the block has a
nickname for it
A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000
people, 2/3 of which you
dont even know
......You're still laughing your ass off cause u know
every single one of
these are true!!!!!
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