Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Our patience will achieve more than our force.
Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
When you want to believe in something, you also have to believe in everything that's necessary for believing in it.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Love truth, and pardon error.
If you're trying to take a roomful of people by surprise, it's a lot easier to hit your targets if you don't yell going through the door.
When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.
Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality.