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 Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And... ...always look on the bright side of life... (Whistle) Always look on the light side of life... (Whistle)... Penis Song (The Not Noel Coward Song) Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis, Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy, It's divine to own a dick, From the tiniest little tadger To the world's biggest prick. So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas, Hooray for your one eyed trouser snake, Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, Your Percy or your cock, You can wrap it up in ribbons, You can slip it in your sock, But don't take it out in public Or they will stick you in the dock, And you won't come back. Every Sperm Is Sacred DAD: There are Jews in the world. There are Buddhists. There are Hindus and Mormons, and then There are those that follow Mohammed, but I've never been one of them. I'm a Roman Catholic, And have been since before I was born, And the one thing they say about Catholics is: They'll take you as soon as you're warm. You don't have to be a six-footer. You don't have to have a great brain. You don't have to have any clothes on. You're A Catholic the moment Dad came, Because Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.... Meaning Of Life Why are we here, what is life all about? Is God really real, or is there some doubt? Well tonight we're going to sort it all out, For tonight it's the Meaning of Life. What's the point of all these hoax? Is it the chicken and egg time, are we all just yolks? Or perhaps, we're just one of God's little jokes, Well ca c'est the Meaning of Life. Is life just a game where we make up the rules While we're searching for something to say Or are we just simple spiralling coils Of self-replicating DNA? What is life? What is our fate? Is there Heaven and Hell? Do we reincarnate? Is mankind evolving or is it too late? Well tonight here's the Meaning of Life. For millions this life is a sad vale of tears Sitting round with really nothing to say While scientists say we're just simply spiralling coils Of self-replicating DNA. So just why, why are we here? And just what, what, what, what do we fear? Well ce soir, for a change, it will all be made clear, For this is the Meaning of Life - c'est le sens de la vie - This is the Meaning of Life. Galaxy Song Whenever life gets you down Mrs. Brown And things seem hard or tough And people are stupid, obnoxious or daft And you feel that you've had quite enough... Just, remember that you standing on a planet that’s evolving And revolving at nine hundred miles an hour It’s orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it’s reckoned A sun that is the source of all our power The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see Are moving at a million miles a day In an outer spiral arm at forty thousand miles an hour Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way Our galaxy itself, contains a hundred billion stars It’s a hundred thousand light years side-to-side It bulges in the middle, sixteen thousand light years thick But out by us it just three thousand light years wide We're thirty thousand light years from galactic central point We go round every two hundred million years And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions in this amazing and expanding universe The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding In all of the directions it can whiz As fast as it can go, the speed of light you know Twelve million miles a minute and that’s the fastest speed there is So remember when you’re feeling very small and insecure How amazingly unlikely is your birth And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space Cause there’s bugger-all down here on Earth  |
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