petak, 25.03.2011.
"Family"
I don't know how or what I am but I must be a genius since I've acomplished this. I have fulfiled every parents' dream and managed to be the greates disapointment to my own.
How does one who is responsible, a almost straight A student, a person that doesn't smoke, drink or does drugs end up to be a disapoinment? Everyone makes mistakes but were my actions mistakes as well? Would it be all all right if I were an irresponsible brat, if I made trouble, if I failed a subject or a year in school? Would things be better if I went out and got waisted so bad that I idn't know where I was, if I came home without some of my clothes and with no memory of what hapened the prevous night? Would it be better if I've done drugs, got arested, stole something? Should I have done all that? NO! Was my biggest mistake not being a spoiled brat? NO! Would it made a difference if I was? I guess not!
You work so hard your entire life to please someone, to get some love and attention. You grow up before you were supposed to, you try to get attention by being the best not the worst you can, and what do you get? Tears and pain. For all your effort you get to be damaged goods. An emotionaly setback person. A lifetime dissapointment.
My cousin said to me my family, my sister, my mom and dad, my brother are going to be the ones here for me in ten years from now? Who did he mean? My sister who I haven't spoken to for almost a year because she's acting like a 5-yearold. My mother who considers me a dissapoinment of a life time. My brother who doesn't understand any of it 'cause he's still to young?
Another cousin told me I can't screw over my family because of a boyfriend. Did she knew that that family of mine screwed over and „thru me away“ because of one?
What do you do when the easiest thing would be to consider them dead and you cant? What do you do when your own family puts you down insted of being your support? What do you do when you only have people who gave birth to you and with whom you spend your childhood with – because you can't consider them family anymore? What do you do when your efforts and belifes and tryes hit you on the back? What do you do when you have no real family? Noone to help you stand, noone to help you rely on but your self?
WHAT DO YOU DO???
All you can do is try. Try to stand on your own. Try to make your own family. Try not to do to them what others did to you! Just try!
