ponedjeljak, 16.11.2009.
I found my Romeo, I found my Juliett, I found my Jelena, I found my Helena, I found my Kate...I found my mate...if only all my love would turn into hate!!
Hope is a bitch! But if so...why do we still hope?
Knowingly step into pain and sorow...but things can change if we want them to..but realy want them to...no second thaughts...no doubts..no looking back!
I would like if I could change a few things but I'm not sure if I want to...
I want....I want to put up a wall higher than any mountin..put it all around me and never let anyone in to my world! Block all the filings...kill all my love.. just to be cold....dead inside...if I could dry out all my tears... vanish all the pain from my heart..but I can't... I knew what I was leting myself in and I didn't care.. I knew...the endless amounts of love broke me within... the wide smiles turned into oceans of tears...oceans which will be closed inside me...never let to float...it's waves smashing the edges of my heart over and over 'cause of the seasless winds and storms that rattle me within keeping me cold and frozen in memories... I'm turning in a rock inside out... soon I'll be just a pupet on a string....instead walking trough life I'll be draged thru it...
draged by my hope that one day the strings will brake...or that I'll be the one puling them....that I am going to nit my own destny..and never to pull those wals down... never to let anyone in again...I know myself and my luck and if I ever loose control...if I ever cave in it will be because I've opened the doors... Those led doors...chanined and locked in every way....which's keys have been trown away and baried...and will hopefully never be dugg out again..
not by him or anyone else.... and if only he weren't the original key...cause I don't know how long I'll be able to resist his tryes to unlock it...or how long I'll be able to keep them locked if or when those galactic amount of feelings burst out again....
Giving up is not an option and it never will be..but sometimes walking away isn't giving up...sometimes it just means you're strong enough to let go...
The time to test my strenght has come...and now we'll find out just how strong a broken person can be... but broken over and over and still stand just keeps me want to fight more.... I am not dead yet and until I die I will fight.. I'll fight every friend...every secret...every good feeling... cause with all the good comes so much more worse!!! INDIFERENCE is my only friend...it can't hurt me...it won't...cause if I keep it I won't love so I won't get hurt, I won't cry, I won't hate......because I WON'T CARE!!!
Doors closed...lights are out....walls are up
