51_days
07.11.2007., srijeda
Thank You sister!!!!
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Well this will be one of the most intimate posts..so here I go.. My familly was always fucked up...BIG TIME..my father is alcoholic and he was really trying to destroy all of us...unfortunatelly he was very good in that 'cause i have 3 brothers and 2 sisters and we are really not close..we are more like neighbours then familly.. The reason? well as my father was tormenting all of us(You can imagine how nice is when You are in full effect of puberty;You are NOT good in contacts with girls, You are sooo secluded in yourself and then my father simply "understands" that i'm a homosexual-which i'm not)and so on.. So all of us had the same treatment so we are locked, we are just emotional idiots...We can't express the love and feelings toward Your brothers and sisters...Of course i had and have so many problems due to that..my girlfriend is still fighting with my demons from the past..For example i cried in last 10 years 5 times(for like 30 seconds), and in the begining she tought that i don't love her and that i don't have any emotions..that i was too cold so we almost break up which would be the worst thing in my life due to that my true love and my only girl and my only lover is the same person. I really had luck with girls later on, but i allways froze-up when they approach(of course that i never made the first step)and when they said "i really like You", then it was like this... aaa..really....well.....aaaa..... and after few minutes they just thought that i don't like them... Probably most of them were "turn on" due to my "mysterie", and that was just plain and simple shame...I never consider my self as pretty or even good loking or even nice or even interesting(all tnx. to my father nice behaviour and comments). Even girls were compete in "who will kiss me" 'cause i was the only one never been kissed or touched, so girls likes that...but no one "won".. It was even "worse" when i had a lot of money(i had excellent job), and i was the only one who had money in my society(which had around 20 girls and 15 guys), i had like 1.000 dollars monthly and all others had maybe 20 dollars as i was the first one to work(18 years old), so then i had "attacks" from girls all around..yeah..money is VERY BIG "turn on" on most of girls, but i allways thought that if any girl changes her behaviour towards me only due to cash..then she was not "the one".. Ok so bla bla bla, i meet "the one", she made all the steps...she even seduced me(really), imagine this...after New Years eve i was in the bed with her around 09,00am BUT only 'cause we were sleeping after party(in that time i was her best friend-i was sooo in love for her BUT i never told her so), and i never touched her..then after few hours i was suddenly awake 'cause i felt her hand on my...hehehe...well "very special place", i said to her "stop" and she continued..again i said "stop..please stop"  , but her eyes were full of excitment and passion(i shit You not)...so i was playing dead 'cause i was so affraid..i mean this was the first time i was in bed with female,i was first time touched(aynwhere), i was first touched and kissed(my body and my lips were innocent-virgin  )...slowly i opened my lips and let her warm and softly tongue get in...she had a "taste of me" if You catch what i mean  and then we made love for the first time in my life...Later on she didn't belived me when i said that she took my virginity  'cause i was "natural born killer"  ...that was only 'cause i loved her so all i did was to let go my heart and soul, so she had the best not sex but making love(i was not the first or second or third for my girlfriend).Later on she told me that i was the only guy who never tried to go in bed with her so after some time she started to "noticed" me like a man..not like friend.. Yeah girls are like that..ignore them and suddenly You will be "mysterie" which they WANT to solve...if You run for them, You will be "just another guy" . So to skip 9 years and to confirm the title of this post, we are in really big financial problems..really BIG one...and just like an angel, my sister told me that she will go in a bank for credit and that she will give me money to solve probably 85% of my problems which is really..no words...great is understatement... So thank You my sister, thank You for being the only one who noticed my sad eyes,You are the only one who really cares for me(familly).. I really really love You and i will NEVER forget what You did for us...You saved our lives!!!!! After so many words here is "so many minutes of excellent music" Trentemøller - The Trentemøller Chronicles  Tracklisting: A1 Blacksmoke Organisation, The* Danger Global Warming A2 Trentemøller The Forest B1 Mathias Schaffhäuser Coincidance (Trentemøller Remix) B2 Jokke Ilsøe* Feeling Good (Trentemøller Remix - Chronicles Edit) C1 Röyksopp What Else Is There (Trentemøller Remix) C2 Trentemøller Gush D1 Knife, The We Share Our Mothers' Health (Trentemøller Remix) D2 Trentemøller Kink discogs *** Luciano - Cadenza Contemporary 0.1 & Cadenza Classics  Tracklisting: Disc 1 - Cadenza Contemporary 0.1 01. Argenis Brito - Amplified 02. Digitaline - Honolulu (Digitaline's Kamehameha) 03. Petre Inspirescu - Racakadoom 04. Luciano & Digitaline - Honolulu (Luciano's Liliukalani) 05. Andomat 3000 & Jan - L Delay 06. Rhadoo - Woa Ovuls 07. Petre Inspirescu - Galantar 08. Alejandro Vivanco - Madre Tierra 09. Luciano - Tonerres 10. Pikaya - Fango Disc 2 - Cadenza Classics 01. Luciano & Quenum - Orange Mistake 02. Luciano & Pier Bucci - Amael 03. Quenum & Lee Van Dowski - Extension 04. Lucicano & Serafin - Funk Excursion 05. N.S.I. - Max Binski 06. Luciano - Bomberos discogs *** Michal Ho - Screw The Coffeemaker  Tracklisting: A1 Take Away A2 Gills B1 Stop, Start B2 Lampechatz C1 Screw The Coffeemaker C2 Good Tips D1 Saftwerk D2 Ghost Floppy discogs *** Robag Wruhme - Wortkabular (Remixes)  Tracklisting: 1. Wortkabular (Tobi Neumann’s Remix) 2. Wortkabular (Luciano Remix) discogs *** Ricardo Villalobos - Achso  Tracklisting: 8A Sieso 8B Erso 10A Duso 10B Ichso discogs pass: ygagega Bye |