srijeda, 18.10.2006.

...svasta nesta, a nista...

Nisam dugo pisala, pa eto više reda radi...istina, nekoliko puta htjela sam toliko toga napisati...ali nisam htjela pokazati da me još uvijek muči isto...iako je prošlo već skoro dva mjeseca...zlO! Općenito kod mene sve po starom manje- više, uskoro nam je kraj kvartala, pa imamo neopisivo puno testova, ispitivanja i slično...idućih tjedan samo želim preživjeti... =DDD Uopće ne znam kako ću rasporediti vikend...ma prestrašno...hehe... Trenutno mi svira Bajaga – «Da li da odem ili ne» i kad smo već kod njega...idem na njegov koncert u ovu nedjelju...i jedva čekam...ueeee!!! =))) Aco (luđak i prijatelj) i ja smo se ozbiljno bili uplašili da nećemo nabaviti ulaznice...ali ipak...sreća je bila na našoj strani... sad smo jako jako bitni i kul...i nećemo morati ubiti Jelu i Dembu koji su ih još prije kupili, niti se gurati u redu na dan koncerta...daaaa, al k'o što Aco kaže – to su samo nijanse!!! =) Uglavnom, trenutno sam zbog toga sva neka hepi (nek bude upola dobro kao što je bilo na Jagodama...savršeno!!!), i ne razmišljam o stvarima koje su mi prolazile glavom zadnjih nekoliko dana... «...i kad nas tisuće kilometara budu razdvajale, kad najmanje misliš na mene, moje oči će gledati u daljinu i vidjeti samo tebe...» (Isse, kako to nije dobro za moje psihičko zdravlje...ali zasad si ne mogu pomoći... =D ) Grozno je kad nemaš nešto dubokoumno za napisati, ali događa se i najboljima... ;D Ovo je već toliko prežvakana tema...ali teško je ne razmišljati o tome...nevjerojatno je kako se stvari mijenjaju...naizgled čvrsta prijateljstva gube se u nepovrat, zaboravljaju se vrijedna iskustva, ponavljaju iste greške...hehe...ne znam...valjda to tako mora biti...jer što bi značilo živjeti da svega toga nema?! poosa...uživajte mi... =) I sretno u školi ako vam treba... ;) I da da,ići ću na pilates...malo fizičkog napora...

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Naučila sam...da nije sve kako se čini... (i da je karte moguće nabaviti i kad vam ljudi kažu da su rasprodane... =D )

P.S: Evo vam jedan meni lijep lyrics...isto bajaga – «Otkada tebe volim»...

Sad nemoj ništa da mi govoriš
Prepoznaću šta god da pomisliš
Večeras samo nemoj da me ne voliš

Preboleću što god da učiniš
Učiniću ti sve sto poželiš
Večeras samo nemoj da me ostaviš

Od koga si se ti to sakrila
U meni čitav svet se rasipa
Otkada tebe volim pamet ne sluša

Dal išta može da se sakrije
Po licu kad se svetlost polije
Otkada tebe volim vreme ne ide

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- 21:32 -

Komentari (22) - Isprintaj - #

utorak, 03.10.2006.

...forsiranje vraćanja na neželjeno...

Heh, zadnjih dana mislima mi se ponovno motaju nepotrebne gluposti...ništa čudno...opterećujem se stvarima na koje ne mogu utjecati ni na koji način i zbog istih tih stvari konstantno se frustriram. Čemu to?! Kada znam da nije isto željeti i moći, nije realno poistovjećivati želje i mogućnosti, osim u zbilja rijetkim situacijama i tada se stvarno možemo smatrati sretnicima... Zašto većina ljudi općenito teži nečemu nerealnom, nečemu što je nemoguće dosegnuti, čezne za tim i dopušta da im ta čežnja upravlja životom?! (ovo sljedeće je tankom linijom povezano s prethodnim) Zašto donosimo odluke kojima smo naizgled zadovoljni i koje smo sami otpočetka forsirali, a na kraju nas povrijedi kada spoznamo da su drugi to dobro prihvatili?! Pokušavamo se vratiti na nešto što smo sami prekrižili...to je u ljudskom duhu oduvijek tako...podsvjesno želimo da se ljudi koji su prihvatili naše odluke bore protiv tih istih...nije li to sebično?!... nerijetko se susrećem sa situacijama u kojima moji prijatelji, pa čak nekad i ja sama, žale za nečim samo zato što je netko drugi pronašao sreću u nečem sekundarnom, a ne tome što smo sami odbacili... i što je najgore ne žale za ostvarivanjem toga (niti to žele), nego samo za spoznajem da ona druga osoba čezne za tim...spoznajom koja im pokazuje da nešto znače tim ljudima...a nisu ni svjesni koliko su sretni što je odluka dobro prošla...što je prihvaćena od obje strane...ponovno forsiraju povratak toj čežnji i samim time vrte i sebe i druge u krug...zašto?!...taj dio mi nije jasan...»bilo, pa prošlo»...u tom klišeju ima toliko istine, zašto to većina ljudi ne može prihvatiti?! (ova druga polovica posta stvarno nema veze s mojim osjećajima, trenutnim situacijama, osim dijela sa željama i mogućnostima...jel...o tome some other time... ;) ) Uživajte mi...ljubim vas puno puno...

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Naučila sam...da ne mogu utjecati na svoje osjećaje, ali mogu odlučiti što ću s njima... (a taj dio što ću s njima još nisam dokučila do kraja)

- 20:55 -

Komentari (19) - Isprintaj - #

nedjelja, 24.09.2006.

...radila sam to i to, tad i tad... =D

Današnji post neće biti ništa posebno...čisto nabacani događaji ovog vikenda...gluposti uglavnom...jel... =P Hmmm...vikend prošao sasvim neuobičajeno, ali opet dosta zanimljivo...ni sama ne znam kako to?! =D U petak bila na kavi s dvije legice, oljom i ivanom...bilo je al stvarno jako jako čudno...ne mogu to opisati...u jednom trenutku olja je vrisnula od straha kad sam je pogledala, pa me nije mogla gledati par minuta...kao moje crne oči su krive...ivana je pričala o ispadima u školi i problemima s njihovom LAN mrežom koja otkriva sve moguće svima, uključujući i ravnatelju. =D Dosta rano smo krenule kući...pa smo olja i ja taman naletjele kad se tihana (legica i susjeda) vratila iz zagreba sa školom...pa smo nju otpratile kući, te ujedno i same otišle...naime, nas dvije smo trčale za autobusom kad smo skontale da ulazi u Tvrdju...dooobro... =D Jučer, točnije sinoć uopće nisam išla van...???...lol...ali smo Tihana, moja seka i ja gledale film «Poseidon» kod mene (kokice nisu izostale)...ako ga niste još gledali, obavezno!!! Solidan je film i strašno brzo prođe ta dva i po sata zbog neprekidne napetosti...oke je stvarno. ;) Isse...ovo je post tipa «Ustala sam, jela tad i tad...»...zlO...sry na tome...ali ni nemam zapravo o čemu pametnom pisati...we! i da, večeras dva prijatelja slave rođendan u westu...onak nedjelja je...zašto?! Neki ljudi idu u školu sutra ujutro...aaa!!! Nije feeeeeeeer!!! Blah...bit ću tamo čak do nekih pola 12...tup!!! Uglavnom, baš su gamad te fakultetlije...ali valjda ću bar to vrijeme dobro iskoristiti... =P Ha da...užasno neproduktivan post...ali ebat ga...zalomi se tu i tamo...uživajte mi i sretno svima u školi, te u životu općenito... :) Do sljedećeg posta...poosa

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Naučila sam...da subota može proći zanimljivo i bez nekog ludog izlaska... =) (u skladu s cijelim postom)

- 19:07 -

Komentari (17) - Isprintaj - #

srijeda, 20.09.2006.

...so what if that doesn't make sense to you...

Odluke koje sam donijela zadnja dva tjedna donešene su zbog jedne nade, želje i neostavrenog sna...priznajem, možda žalim za stvarima koje sam pritom izgubila, ne možda - već sigurno, ali ne žalim zbog osjećaja koji me u potpunosti izgrađuje već godinama i ovog trenutka koji ispunjava svaku moju misao...smatram i sama neka svoja djela ljudskom glupošću, ali baš to me na neki način i opravdava...temeljim sve na onom «jednom možda»...»jednom» simbolizira mogućnost, «možda» istovremeno pobija sadašnjost (u kojoj trenutno lebdim), no ostavlja za sobom tračak svjetlosti... Netko mi je na latinskom poslao ovo i zakomplicirao par sati...«Burning inside with violent anger bitterly: I speak to my heart: created from matter,of the ashes of the elements...I am like a leaf played with the winds.»...vjetrovi se poigravaju sa mnom...nadam se da neće srušiti sve čemu se nadam...no ako se to i dogodi...ostaje mi to da je misao na trenutak težila ostvarenju...Čak i ako sve na kraju ispadne nepotrebna žrtva naizgled vrjednijih stvari...znat ću da nisam bila jedina koja prati tragove kraj puta...



Naučila sam...da su neke stvari vrijedne rizika...

P.S: Sry svima na nedorečenosti...

- 00:11 -

Komentari (29) - Isprintaj - #

nedjelja, 17.09.2006.

...more dogadjaja, a ništa napisano...aaa!!!

Sad trenutno ljute me mala susjeda s konstantnim neutemeljenim napadanjem, jedna legica...a i općenito dosta se stvari izdogadjalo, pa čak i u ova dva tjedna, dosta se toga promijenilo, saznalo, otkrilo...osim mojih osjećaja...koji još uvijek otupljujuće stoje...zlO...

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now...

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Naučila sam...da od drugih ne mogu očekivati da se drže istih načela kao ja...

- 17:28 -

Komentari (24) - Isprintaj - #

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¤Opis bloga¤

...::caught between who I am and who I wanna be::...

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Linkovi

Blog.hr
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...colorful...

The show is over close the story book
There will be no encore
And all the random hands that I have shook
Well they're reaching for the door
I watch their backs as they leave single file
But you stood stubborn, cheering all the while

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Most were being good for goodness sake
But you wouldn't pantomime
You are more beautiful when you awake
Than most are in a lifetime
Through the haze that is my memory well
You stayed for drama though you paid for a comedy

I know I can be colorful
I know I can be gray
But I know this loser's living fortunate
Cause I know you will love me either way

Look ahead as far as you can see
We'll live in drama but we'll die in a comedy
I know I can be colorful...

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...hold me now...

Don't - Don't close your heart to how you feel
Dream Don't be afraid the dream's not real
Close your eyes Pretend it's just the two of us again
Make believe This moment's here to stay
Touch - Touch me the way you used to do
I know Tonight could be all I'll have with you
From now on You'll be with someone else instead of me
So tonight Let's build this memory...
and for the last time

Hold me now
Don't cry
Don't say a word
Just hold me now
And I Will know though we're apart
We'll always be together
Forever in love
What do you say when words are not enough

Time - Time will be kind once we're apart
And your tears Tears will have no place in your heart
I wish I - I could say how much I'll miss you, when you're gone
All my love For you will go on and on and

Hold me now
Don't cry
Don't say a word
Just hold me now
And try To understand that I hope at last you've found
What you've been searching for
And though I won't be there anymore
I will always love you

Don't say a word
Just hold me now
And I Will know though we're apart
We'll always be together
Forever in love
What do you say when words are not enough
What can I say now My words are not enough

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...live in you...

I need you like a vampire needs blood
am I in love for real
my whole soul is aching for you

should I be happy or should I cry
I don't know I've never felt this way before
there's nothing sacred but you

if you'll bleed I'll bleed with you
if you! (will) die I will die with you
is this the feeling called love

will you take this death from me
if it makes us feel that we are alive
there is nothing sacred but you and I

as the blood runs in your veins
I wanna be inside of you
I wanna live in you as the pain you
wanna keep inside! (you) !

I need you like the devil needs sin
you are my obsession
I will never let you go!!!



nothing else matters

So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
no nothing else matters

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...vermillion, pt. 2...

She seemed dressed in all of me,
stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do when she
makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes
me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, nO!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

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...alone I break...

Pick me up
been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it some how

I will make it go away
can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
these feelings will be gone
these feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Shut me off
I am ready,
Heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

I will make it go away
can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
these feelings will be gone
these feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
leaving doesn't seems so strange
I am hoping I can find
where to leave my hurt behind
All this shit I seem to take
all alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
is there nothing more to come?
Is it always black in space?
Am I going to take it's place?
Am I going to leave this race?
I guess god's up in this place?
what is it that I've become?
is there something more to come?

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...more than words...

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

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...here without you...

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.



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