srpanj, 2007  
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Srpanj 2007 (1)

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da/ne

...about me...

...never forget that you are who you want to be...

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Zovem se Ella...
Imam 17 godina...
Pohađam jezičnu gimnaziju...

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Slušam sve što mi se sluša...

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Čitam sve što mi se čita...

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Govorim sve što želim reći...

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Idem tamo kuda želim ići...

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Volim onog koga mi se voli...

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Živim onako kako mi se živi...

...i don't wanna be anything other than me...

...linkići...

...girl with broken smile...

...najljepši stihovi...

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...i'm your angel...

No mountain's too high for you to climb...
All you have to do is have some climbing faith;
no rivers too wide for you to make it through...
All you have to do is believe it when you pray..
And then you will see;
the morning will come...
And everyday will be bright as the sun.
So all of your fears..
Cast them on me...
All I ever wanted was you to see...
I'll be your cloud up in the sky...
I'll be your shoulder when you cry...
I'll hear your voices when you call me..
I am your Angel...
And when all hope is gone, I'm near...
No matter how far you are, I'm near...
It makes no difference who you are...
I am your Angel...
I saw your teardrops, and I heard you cry...
All you need is time...
Seek me and you shall find...
You have everything and you're still alone...
It don't have to be this way;
let me show you a better day..

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...may angels lead you in...

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god couldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

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...hero...

There's a hero if you look inside your heart.
You don't have to be afraid of what you are.
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away.
And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.
So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.
It's a long road when you face the world alone;
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.
You can find love if you search within yoursolf
and the emptiness you felt will disappearrrr.
And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears and give them a ride
and you know you can survive.
So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.
Lord knows dreams are hard to follow,
But don't let anyone tear them away.
Hold on, there will be tomorrow,
In time you'll find the way.
And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.
So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.
That a hero lies in youuuuuuuuuu.
ohhh that a hero lies in youuu.

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...here without you...

A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face
I’m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me
The miles just keep rolling
as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated
but I hope it gets better as we go
I’m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it get hard but it won’t take away my love
I’m here without you baby
but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me...

...love doesn't love me...

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Frustrated cuz i can't tell if it's real...

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Mad cuz i don't know how u feel...

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Upsed cuz we cant't make it right...

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Sad cuz I need you every day and night...

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Angry cuz you can't take my hand...

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Aggrivated cuz u don't understand...

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Dissapointed cuz we can't be together...

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But still...i will love u 4ever!

četvrtak, 26.07.2007.

Everything will be wonderfull... Someday!

...over & over I tried... and over & over you lied... and over & over I cried... and I don't know why...

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Otvorila sam oči... Soba je bila ispunjena mrakom. Kišne kapi snažno su udarale u prozor. Ustala sam i upalila svjetlo. Sat je pokazivao da je prošlo dva iza ponoći... Uzela sam mobitel u ruke i vratila se u krevet... Ni jedna poruka, ni jedan poziv. Uopće se nije sjetio... Bjesno sam ga bacila. Suza se spustila niz obraz. Ponovno mi to radi, a ja mu ponovno dopuštam... Poznat mi je scenari. Proživjela sam ga više puta... Nazvat' će me, reći da mu je žao i ja su dotrčati natrag... Umorna sam od toga. Neprestanih odlazaka i ponovog vraćanja. Ponovno sam ustala. Ugasila svjetlo. Širom otvorila prozore. Nadala sam se da će zvuk kiše nadglasati moje misli...
Probudila me zvonjava. Ispočetka sam ju pokušala ignororati, no netko je bio uporan... Izvukla sam se iz kreveta i podigla mobitel, koji sam sinoć bacila na drugi kraj sobe. Prije nego sam se uspjela javiti prestao je zvoniti. Nepoznat broj... Mala je uletjela u sobu. "Nauči kucati!" Dreknula sam tako jako da se rasplakala... Čula sam ju kako trči niz stepenice. Za nekoliko sekunda Stara se stvorila pred mojim očima. Još jedno ispiranje mozga... Tupo sam ju gledala. Ubrzo je odustala... Valjda je uvidjela da riječi ne dopiru do mene. Zaključala sam vrat i upalila računalo... Jedna novi mail... Otvorila sam ga i prestala disati na neko vrijeme. Slike, te slike... On i Ona. Ne, ne... Nije moguće. Zatvorila sam oči. Nadala sam se da će sve nestati,ako to učinim. Otvorila sam ih ponovo... Sve je bilo kako sam i ostavila. Da, ovo definitivno nije bio san...
Nakon nekog vremena uhvatila sam samu sebe, kako piljim u prazan zid... Tek u tom trenutku sam shvatila koliko je čist... Koliko je savršen. Ni jedna udubina, ni jedna izbočina... Tako hladan, tako plav... Iritirajuće savršen. Treba mu nešto, shvaćam. Malo boje. Šarenila. O Bože, zar stvarno razmišljam o zidu? Radi li se o zidu? Ma ne, naravno da ne... Radi se o meni. Ja sam ta koja treba nešto novo, promjenu... Izlaz iz začaranog kruga u kojem se predugo vrtim... Dosta mi je proklete rutine. Manipulacije. Istih lica. Istih mjesta... Trebam boje! Šarenilo! Misao prolazi glavom... Želim nešto! Dosadilo mi je da moj život bude crno-bijeli film...
Opet začujem zvuk mobitela. Pogledam na ekran... On. Nešto me steže oko srca... Pomislim na zid. Savršeno hladan. Puštam da odzvoni i gasim mobitel. Nešto u meni zadrhti... Osjećam neopisiv nemir. Ponovno pogledam prema zidu. Trenutak promjene... Uzimam marker i ispisujem riječi... "Danas je prvi dan ostatka moga života..."
Odmaknem se. Da, mnogo je bolje... Narušeno savršenstvo. Ruka i dalje klizi... Riječi izlaze. Šaram bez reda i smisla... Onako-iz srca. Pomaknem se i pomno zagledam. Riječi su sasvim prekrile plavu boju, iz dječačke faze moga života... Trenutak promjene. Novi početak...
Ali čekaj, nešto nije u redu... Pogledavam prema slici na kojoj smo ja i On. U meni se budi mržnja. Skidam ju... U pozadini odzvanjaju stihovi pjesme I don't wanna miss a thing... Mržnja raste. Slika se raskomada na bezbroj komadića... Misao prolazi glavom. Gotovo je...



| - 23:22 - Give me a whisper... (86) |

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