And she slowly watched until there had been no sky to see anymore...
Gomen...
I am truly truly sorry...
Please, free me...
I have tried to find the solution... and have searched for so long, so many nights, countless hours crying, and thinking, and deliberating and brooding and I tried as I have never tried about anything to find a way to break the addiction or at least to realize why it was there in the first place... But I cannot. I cannot! I CANNOT!!!
This is not human!! I'm not human! It is fine, I'm not asking to be one, banish me in shame, kick me out of the human society, make me roam the Earth forever alone, BUT PLEASE LET ME GO!!!
It's a punishment... A punishment for the little disgusting, dirty, small creature that is me to even try to be close to her... For DARING to call her by the personal name, to make her be in as a close relationship as a sister...
I AM SO, SO SORRY!!!!!!
Even as I thought, countless times that I had found a way to make her as unimportant in my life as any other friend, no... No... How wrong had I been...
I cannot think straight when she is nearby. My body will do anything, anything just to meet her, talk to her, be with her as long as possible. I do things I'd never do if she wasn't there... Or if it was anyone else... I'd be late... Go to the far ends of the city... Anything... My heart beats when I think of her, know i could meet her... I have given her my heart, my soul, my very being... How I trusted her, even though I knew she didn't care... My heart screamed it and yelled and shouted and I knew it...
How I loved her... My onee-chan.... How I longed to have her as my onee-chan... Onee-sama... My protector, the one who loves me... Who wipes my tears... How I longed for her love...
I have gone overboard. The picture of her face is cut into my memory, carved by a knife of ice and painted by blood... Her voice draws blood from my ears... I cannot forget her, and even when I do, I cannot do things I like, am always beaten by the Perfect One, ignored, looked over... And I live with all these things, because I know and I realize I'm too insignificant to complain, I do not deserve to be treated differently because I am no one, but I know that once there was someone who'd listened to me, who'd pried the despair from my heart, to whom I'd send messages of my tears, wha'd made me feel that I mattered...
And that only person was her.
I knew she didn't really want to know... That she was worried only in the extent of a friend... That she thought of me but a couple times a month... She had her real friends to care about, to mourn and to listen to... But still, she had pretended that she cared, that she wanted to see into my hurt and wounded heart, and wouldn't talk of anything else until I told her... And i gave her my soul in those words... My heart.... My being... My spirit... All that was me... And she didn't care.... She didn't know how much it hurt me... to lay my soul in front of her, and after that she'd turn to her things, rarely thinking of me...
I know now, it was wrong to lay out my filthy, torn, unworthy soul in front of her, to stain her white hands with my monstrous heart, bothering her friend who didn't deserve that (I'm sorry, Dunja-hime... So sorry... For everything...) and now I have my punishment.......
Now I continue living my little life, with the small number of joys as it is. Holding out in the shadows, trying to make it in the rain and in the cold, suffering from everything screaming of my filth and through my loneliness... Until I cannot anymore...
...I never asked to be a human... Banish me from the riches of human life... Let me roam the earth like the dirty spirit that I am... Just set me free...
21.11.2007. u 21:28
° 0 thoughts of the world ° Print ° # °
design: moi
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coments no/si?
Opis bloga
Mjesto gdje moja malenkost namjerava upisivati što je pukne i kad je pukne i na kojem jeziku je pukne. ;)
~O meni~
Dreams, thoghts, hopes and the spirit of a girl once called Hime-sama... Who wants to be one... Who aspires for her life and being to express elegance and art...
Volim ili obožavam (ili obožavam ili volim):
- more
- anime
- pjevati
- eleganciju
- crtati
- glazbu
- prirodu
- plesati
- svoju obitelj
- pisati
- èitati
- pristojnost
- mjuzikle
- dobre filmove i predstave
- biti na pozornici
- lijepu odjeæu
- lijepu šminku
- Japan
- japanski
- francuski
- grèki
- latinski
- prevoditi
- e-mail
- istinu
- snove
.
.
.
Snovi (stvarni ili nestvarni):
- postati seiyuu
- pjevati kao Amy Lee
- znati japanski skoro kao materinji
- dobro znati francuski
- dug vijek i puno komentara ovog bloga xD
- nepresušan izvor dobrih pjesama
- usavršiti crtanje i bojanje u kompjuterskim programima
- duga jaka lijepa kosa (XD)
- imati klavir za vježbanje
- znati ga svirati xD
- biti sretna
.
.
.
ANIME:
SHOUJO KAKUMEI UTENA!!!
Air
Basilisk
Fruits basket
Sailor Moon
Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien
Super Gals (dijelom)
Koi Kaze
Aa Megami Sama
Reservoir Chronicle Tsubasa (dijelom)
Pokemon (da xDD)
Digimon (još veæi da xDDD)
Digimon Tamers (što reæi?)
Candy Candy
Dragon Ball (dijelom... xDDD)
Nadam se da æe ova lista narasti veelika... :D
MANGA
Mei-chan No Shitsuji
Princess Ai
Tokyo Mew Mew (arigatou, Onee-chan and Dunja-hime!)
Tsubasa Chronicle (dijelom)
Namida Nochi Happi- Endo (Happy End After the Tears)
Shuffle (dijelom)
___________________________________
MUZIKA
All time favorites:
~*~
Ogata Megumi-sama
Evanescence
Anime OP&ED
Jean Michel Jarre
The Phantom of the Opera
~*~
Lijep stil i/ili slušam ponekad:
Velvet Underground
Johnny Cash
Nick Cave
Darko Rundek
Vaya Con Dios
Sinead O'Connor
Om
Pink Floyd
I sve što mi zapne za uho...
___________________________________
I *ahem* to je to :D
MSN: eternal_starlight@mail.inet.hr
___________________________________
C'est le malaise du moment
L'épidémie qui s'étend
La fête est finie on descend
Les pensées qui glacent la raison
Paupières baissées, visage gris
Surgissent les fantomes de notre lit
On ouvre le loquet de la grille
Du taudit qu'on appelle maison
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me
Protect me
Protège-moi, protège-moi
Sommes nous les jouets du destin
Souviens toi des moments divins
Planants, éclatés au matin
Et maintenant nous sommes tout seuls
Perdus les reves de s'aimer
Les temps où on avait rien fait
Il nous reste toute une vie pour pleurer
Et maintenant nous sommes tout seuls
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me from what I want
Protect me
Protect me
___________________________________
___________________________________
“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”
Oscar Wilde
“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”
Oscar Wilde
___________________________________
I am stretched on your grave and will lie there forever
If your hands were in mine I'd be sure we'd not sever
My apple tree my brightness, it's time we were together
For I smell of the earth and I'm worn by the weather
When my family thinks that I'm safe in my bed
From night until morning I am stretched at your head
Calling out to the earth with tears hot and wild
My grief for the girl that I loved as a child
Do you remember the night we were lost
In the shade of the blackthorn and the chill of the frost
Oh thanks be to Jesus we did what was right
And your maidenhead still is your pillar of light
The priests and the friars, approach me with dread
Because I still love you, my life and youre dead
I still will be your shelter through rain and through storm
And with you in your cold grave I cannot sleep warm
____________________________________
“I shall go the way of the open sea, To the lands I knew before you came, And the cool ocean breezes shall blow from me, The memory of your name”
Laurence Hope
____________________________________
Hisashiburi no kaisei IEROO BODI wa D.I.Y.
Haru no shippo tsukamaeru jyunbi wa OK sa
Yousho ni HANHOKKU ano mori wo mezashiteta hazu ga
"KAANABI" nante ME jyanai! ...mune hattetano wa dare dayo?
Koi nuno youna "GOMEN" no hitomi ni kousansa
Umibe de asonderu RETORIBAA no PORISU ni kikou ka?
AM RAJIO GOKIGEN na sunday yakusoku shite kureteru
Hajikeru youna namishibuki ga bokura no SAUNDO
Shuuni ichido no DEETO sae mama naranu youna futari no
Kiseki no youna kyuujitsu nonbiri kaze makase
Hamabe de shiosai no hizamakura nante no ma ii yo ne
POTTO ni tsumeta koucha wo sarige ni susumeru egao ga
Moshikashitara ichiban haru iro hansoku sa
Umibe de jyarete iru RETORIBAA wo minaratte bokuramo!
MAIPEESU na SHIISAIDO ga HAIUEI tobasu yori niatteru
Masshiro na vacation map kowaki ni kakaete
____________________________________
____________________________________
A boom boom bâ
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou
A boom boom bâ
Can you hear my heart beat in this world?
A boom boom bâ
Do you know that behind all these words
A boom boom bâ
Lies a deep desire Kamélé hé?
A boom boom bâ
Mé kouman mé fora y bamê
Are my dreams to be all I can do?
Lay o lay above, lay o lay below
And he said Annie will show them a new way
Mé kouman mé fora y bamê
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou
A boom boom bâ
Can you hear my heart beat in this world?
A boom boom bâ
Do you know that behind all these words
A boom boom bâ
Lies a deep desire Kamélé hé?
A boom boom bâ
Mé kouman mé fora y bamê
Are my dreams to be all I can do?
Lay o lay above, lay o lay below
And he said Annie will show them a new way
Mé kouman mé fora y bamê
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou
A boom boom bâ
Can you hear my heart beat in this world?
A boom boom bâ
Do you know that behind all these words
A boom boom bâ
Lies a deep desire Kamélé hé?
A boom boom bâ
Mé kouman mé fora y bamê
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou
A boom boom bâ
Aligna donguiri ma digné
A boom boom bâ
Mé kouman mé for a y bâmê
A boom boom bâ
Aligna donguiri ma digné hé !
A boom boom bâ
Mé kouman mé for a y bâmê
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou
Can you hear my heart beat in this world?
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou
Can you hear my heart beat in this world?
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou
Can you hear my heart beat in this world?
Kélé, filla, saba, nani, norou …
