DOKTORSKA DEZERTACIJA

Croatia is probably the biggest of all continents! Just a few people know that it is actually a continent!

Croatia and the Croatian people are the ONLY ex-Yugoslavians who were right! When they don't talk about Serbs they brag about how much you can curse in Croatian. They are very proud of the fact that it is impossible to translate these curses in any other language because of their brilliancy. Every second word in Croatian is Kurac - it can mean almost anything depending on the context.

When a Croatian is bored of the country he was blessed to live in he goes to Germany which is already inhabited by more Croatians than Croatia itself. When there, he will never stop saying that Croatia is the most beautiful country in the world.

The map of Croatia looks like the letter C, which actually also shows how hard working Croatian people are. They are so tired after the work that they need to lay down and sleep a few more hours everyday. This happens of course to anyone if he/she doesn't manage to get the right amount of coffee/gossip that day. It creates a terrible feeling of "I-don-t-feel-like-it" and "I-don-t-want-to".

Croatia is a very sporty nation. You may have noticed Croatian athletes on the news winning all kind of prizes, but inside the country the most widespread sports are Coffee-Cup Lifting, Smoking and "What-Did-They-Do?". All of these require a lot of exercise and this is why you'll find people in coffee places all the time, especially during working hours, as they get permits to skip work for the sake of this sport.

The people there are also very hospitable and friendly in so much as they want to know everything about you ASAP for use in the sport "What-Did-They-Do?". Also most of the people will be very communicative every time you asking "Do you speak English" they will answer very politely "Ne!" and keep on looking at you. You will find very devoted customer care especially in shops where people (even if you assure them that you don't speak Croatian) will continue promoting the qualities of the products they sell.

Croatia has several major export products, mostly consisting of sunshine, dark tan, nice vacation memories and female tourist pregnancy. Minor products consist mostly of popular music, unsual clotches called "narodna nosnja", digestive problems caused by extremely wide choice of food which involuntary compels people to overeat and sexual diseases of benign nature. Exclusive export product are generals, which are mostly delivered to a small town called Den Haag, if they are not misplaced in transport.

Croatian popular music is considered at least good, specially in surrounding countries (except in Hungary and on Mars, whose citizens do not even try to understand our language, but they enjoy music itself).

Croatia is mostly known as responsible for inventing the torture device known as the tie ("kravata" in Croatian and similar languages) and as the birthplace of Nikola Tesla.

Croatia is not responsible for the extinction of Dodo birds!

Croatian capitol is called Zagreb, mostly inhabited by students and other sorts of people not born in Zagreb. There is urban legend about people actually been born in Zagreb, but all witnesses dissapeared under mysterious circumstances. There is no proof that people actually born in Zagreb are in any relation to Dodo birds.