subota, 17.10.2009.
You may hurt me, you may brake me, you may crush me I will still be by your side!!
What am I doing with my life? Was it worth it...one night for a life time of distrust..
I never should of let you go...or should I say...I never should of have you in the first place!
I see what my so called friend are doing to me...they are taking advantage; and I only wonder if I see this why don't I stop, why don't walk away, why do I still care?? I gues I'm just like it. Getting emotionaly envolwed with people that can hurt me. With people who will hurt me. Pushing all the good out of my life and chose pain instead.
I'm losing it bit by bit. I can't control the sinfull animal in me anymore. I used to let it out to blow off some steam Saturdays night but now I lost that too. Along with my trustworthy and the look of a nice, normal girl. They have no cloo how strong I am or how far I'm willing to go for the people I care about and letalone the people I love. Yes - love you've read it wright. 'Cause living a life filled with pain, be willing to give all you have and so much more can be no less then love.And by saying all you have I don't mean money, gold or any of that...I mean giving your time, giving your life, giving yourself to that person...even if he doesn't notice or isn't aware what I'm willing to do for him I am ready to wait a lifetime and the eternity for him....always be by his side....even if just as a friend....If in some case he gets to be happy with someone else I will not resent or envey her...bacause I'll be happy for him....This love is so strong that in it's name I'm prepared to let him go if he only ask for it...but the fool I am I wll always wait in case he wants me back...always and forever...
And in the meantime I'll pretend to be happy as I always do, try to live my life a bit more for myself instead for others...for once...while I stil can...while my every cell don't brake of pain..and maybe not even then will I say a word, let a sound out and barely scream...Why? Because that's the path I chose...that's the choise I made...That's something I have to live with!!
