...pieces of a dream... https://blog.dnevnik.hr/whisperofdreams

petak, 10.08.2007.

iskreno....

Sjedim pokraj prozora naslonjene glave na njega i pijem čaj. Slušam travisa....
Sve , sve me podjeća na nešto. Takvu magiju kiša ima nadamnom.neku meni nepoznatu čaroliju koja me nosi kroz vrijeme. Prošlost. Sadašnjost. Budućnost. Sve mi je na dohvatu... nesvjesno probirem po vremenu dok gledam kapi što mi se gomilaju tik do obraza s druge strane stakla.

Srpanj, ožujak, 2000. , 2003. , prosinac, travanj, 2001., 1998., lipanj, 2007. , siječanj.....
Sve se vraća.. pomalo.. na trenutke.. na bliceve.. 2004. , travanj.....

Nije li prekrasno?
Daj zatvori taj prozor već jednom! Ili planiraš možda fenom osušit tepih?! Hehe
Ma daj... opusti se malo. Ništa mu neće biti. Pogle ju... nikad nisam vidjela da netko tako gleda kišu.Jesi se ti to možda napokon zaljubila?
Da.. u kišu.. hehe
Prekrasno je... gledaj kako je vjetar savio breze oko zgrade... trgnem se-
Ne nisam se zaljubila.... samo.. osjećam se ...
Daaa..?
Sretno.
Sretno? Zbog kiše?
Da.
Joj opet ti... nije valjda to opet jedna od nih epizoda .
Kojih epizoda?
Ma onih njezinih maštovitih putovanja... svaki put kad tako nešto bude, nakon toga bude plakanja kak god okreneš.
Ne budi zloćesta. Ne maštam... samo gledam.
Život u Engleskoj, udaja za Chrisa Martina i slično? Hehe da. Samo gledaš. Poznajem te, ti uvijek razmišljaš, pogotovo kad – samo gledaš.
Kažem ti. Sve je to zbog te tvoje glazbe. Ili kad bolje razmislim, zbog kiše?
Dođi vamo. Dođite obje.
Da?
Pogledaj koliko kapi ima oko nas. Koliko će ih tek pasti. Ne osjećaš li se nevažno? Lijepo nevažno? Ovo je beskraj. Nema većeg osjećaja beskraja od ovoga kad stojiš među vidljivim milijunima komadića neba? Vidljivim komadićima beskraja. Nije li prekrasan osjećaj dok ti padaju na obraze. Na nos..
Da, nazirem beskraj.. možeš mislit .nazirem to da ništa od izlaska večeras.Okrene se i ode do kauča.
Imaš pravo. Šapne mi. Lijepo je biti tu. Lijepo je .Ovo je bolje nego biti zaljubljen.
Ovo je biti zaljubljen.
U kišu?
U svijet.

Srpanj, ožujak, 2000. , 2003. , prosinac, travanj, 2001., 1998., lipanj, 2007. , siječanj.....
rujan, 2006. ....

Hajde požuri se.. nemamo sto godina. Kasnimo. Joj ti tvoji mali koraci. Dođe mi da ti ugradim štule.. daj pokret!
Evo idem. Idem... zaostajem nekoliko koraka...
Ti baš želiš pokisnuti, ha?Zastane i okrene se naglo.
Hej.. pa ti plačeš.. pa jesi dobro? Šta ti je? Vidim da ga pomalo živciram ali se trudi biti drag.
Znači ipak se vidi..
Molim?
Nadala sam se da će kiša sakriti suze.
Daj molim te, otekla si ko babura. Možda i može sakriti suze, ali očito ne i tvoj nos dok plačeš..
Nasmijem se pomalo. Ali ne pali. I dalje me peku oči i dalje se cijede...
Pogleda oko sebe- nema nigdje mjesta gdje bi se mogli sakriti od kiše.
Pusti me. Smirit ću se.
Da, i dobit ćeš upalu pluća.
Pusti me.
Ajmo kući pa se tamo fino isplači na toplom i suhom- što mi je trenutno bitnije.
Ne mogu.
Zašto?
Treba mi kiša...
Pogleda me i preokrene očima.
Šta si ti neki cvijet koji treba zaliti da bi mu bilo bolje? Vidim da me sprda ali nekako mi to više nije bitno.
Želim se isplakati tu, na kiši. Imam osjećaj da me pročišćava.
Jesi sigurna?
Da.
Nećeš mi reći šta ti je?
Ne. Kiša će riješiti probleme. Uvijek je bilo tako. Tako će biti. Samo me pusti.
U redu. Tvoja stvar.
Okrene se i odlazi.
Skrenem ulicu dalje gdje nema ljudi. Osjećam se samo. Kao da sve emocije mogu pustiti s uzica, lanaca, ladica, džepova.. sve ih mogu izbaciti van i pustiti kišu da opere s njih gorke okuse.
Sjećam se da sam taj dan hodala po gradu sve do kiša nije počela jenjavati..
Svakim korakom udisala sam zrak punim plućima, gledala prozore kuća kako se cijede, zamišljala kakvi ljudi žive unutra, o čemu razmišljaju, što rade.....
Sjećam se kako sam se igrala igre zaobilaženja bara i micanja mokre kose s lica.
Sjećam se kako sam zaboravila . kako sam zaboravila zašto sam plakala....


Sad sjedim pokraj prozora naslonjene glave na njega i pijem čaj. Slušam travisa....
Gledam kroz već zamagljeno staklo. Ne gledam, razmišljam. I sjećam se...
Imala je P. pravo- nikad samo ne gledam...čudno je kako te netko istodobno može poznavati i ne znati ništa o tebi...
Pokušavam odgonetnuti kakva je to moja povezanost s kišom zbog koje se uvijek iznova učim osjećati posebno? Je li D imao pravo kada me zezao da sam kao cvijet? Je li moguće da me nešto poput kiše može oživiti, izlječiti mi emocije, potaknuti me...? ima li smisla uopće ponekad gubiti vrijeme na razmišljanja, trepnuti pa da ti promakne neki detalj, kada možeš jednostavno gledati.. kada možeš jednostavno postojati kao milijunti dio neke ljepote?..................

Odmaknem glavu od stakla...
trgnem se. Kiša prestaje....
Na staklu od svega ostaje samo zamagljena mrlja.
Hvala kišo. Napišem u nju.

Hvala za snove i sjećanja.

kolovoz, 2007.

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The world steps aside to let any man pass..
If he knows where he's going..



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felicitas
boy from mars
annabelle lee
zvonjava
portret ljeta
everte

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sukob dvaju paralelnih svjetova
ponovi još jednom da ne bi zaboravila
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GLAZBA....

glazba je moj drugi oblik sjećanja...





Zaista-Flare

opusti se...ja sam vjetar
koji ti donosi svjezi zrak
jos jucer sam se pretvorila...u bijeli oblak
spajala kapljice koje padaju na tvoje lice

otvorio si prozore...i pogledao prema suncu
udahnuo duboko...
kihnuo potiho...
i gledao me ravno u oci...te se nasmjesio
gledao me ravno u oci...pa me upitao

tko si ti zaista?

ja sam vjetar sto ti daje krila
ti budi ptica koja vratit ce mi mir

tako sam umorna od trazenja ljubavi
u ovoj sumi betona celika
samo rijetki snivaju...zaista...

zaista.. to je carolija ...
kad osmjeh tvoj me doziva
u sutone i svitanja...to je moja utjeha
zaista...bit cu tvoj hram sa tisucu svijeca
da te griju dok si sam

ja sam vjetar sto ti daje krila
ti budi ptica koja vratit ce mi mir

tako sam umorna od trazenja ljubavi
u ovoj sumi betona celika
samo rijetki snivaju...

zaista...




VERTICAL HORIZON- "Children's Lullaby"

Little girl was down by the waterside
The sun so hot and the roses so red where she lie
As little boys sit and watch as she twirls all around
Sunny smiles not a raincloud could bring that girl down
But now....

What's behind those big brown eyes
Do you dream at night
Without your lullaby

Little boy sits alone as he sin
gs in the dark
Wondering if his own dreams had pulled them apart
He sings a song of tomorrow he never can see
Mostly sings of a lost little girl's memory
And Now...

As his dreams go flashing by
He begins to hear
A lonely lullaby

Well now
We used to sing
And we used to cry
Through everything
In our children's lullaby

Little girl on the street with nobody around
Has her head in the air dirty feet on the ground
She shuts her eyes and she wonders is this a mistake
Now she's gone from the warmth of her little boy days
And still...

She believes that she'll get by
On her own without
Her little boy's lullaby

Little boy prays to God to answer his song
To hold her hand when everyone else's are gone
Time goes by and the wounds slowly turn into scars
So he makes his final wish on the midnight stars
And he screams...

Little girl won't you hear my cry
Won't you come back home
To your lover's lullaby

Little girl down by the waterside
Goodbye





Embrace- Looking as you are

I told the Devil and the deep blue sea to hide
I thought that you were after them
I was right
But it's a picture I'll always keep in mind
Where you say I've never been even liked
For anything truly mine

And you did it - looking as you are
Looking as you are

Love enters, and leaves you through your eyes
You threw away the only thing that I like
And ought tell ya, that things will be alright
It never really seems that way, late at night

When you did it looking as you are
Looking as you are

Now I know, that the world's not waiting for you, nor for me
And I know that the world gets heavy, will change?

'Cause you did it looking as you are
looking as you are

Now you're gone, I stand on my own

music speaks enough....

LAGWAGON- VIOLINS

I am just another fool, and I have to, keep telling myself that
I am just a hypocrit, and I have to, keep calling you one
And I forgot to bite my tongue, as my assumption, is the mother of all mistakes
So I assume the role, open my mouth, and clumsy words escape

So why you, wanna to be there, when you could be here, you are slipping away

I awake with your replacement, a bottle in my grasp, in an unfamiliar place
Because you put me out, the butt of a sick joke, into this ashtray life
As you come and go, cause I forgot to service you, and we broke down
And you can't live with my mistakes, but I assume false grace
Open my arms and grasp at something true


How are you, how have you been, girl I miss you, wanna see you again
So why you, wanna to be there, when you could be here, you are slipping away

I bring out the worst in you, and you try to let me know
You bring out the worst in me, anxiety, anxiety
I'm trying to let you go, you say I'm giving you the creeps
So I assume the role, open my claws and grasp for your heart

Into you like a mortal stake so vindictive
Your love's slipping away

Violins, into this ashtray life
Violins, the butt of your sick joke
Violins, I'm trying hard to let you go
Violins



YELLOWCARD- EMPTY APARTMENT

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down
As I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes
You forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening
Now, can't you see something's missing
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life?
What's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay
It's okay


When I Hear Your Name-Teen Idols

Someone spoke your name again
And it took me back to a time when we
We were more than friends
I realized I was staring at the floor
And all my friends keep telling me
I do it more and more

I try so hard push you from my mind
And get a grip on life and then it's
Slowly slipping away
But in my room I sit by the window in a chair
And remember you sitting there
With your picture in my hand

It brings me back when I hear your name
Remembering childhood games and playing in the rain
I sometimes wonder if you feel the same
Because I think of us when I hear your name

I lose myself in memories
Of pleasant times because in all my dreams
You're always by my side
Things aren't what they used to be
And I wonder if it's destiny for me
To wake up alone

(citat slika iz mog najdražeg spota LEUCHTTURM - NENA )

jako dragi citati.....


"...An extraordinary guy
Can never have an ordinary day..." OASIS- MAGIC PIE

" when i counted up my demons,
saw there was one for every day,
with the good ones on my shoulder
i drove the other ones away..." COLDPLAY - EVERYTHING`S NOT LOST

"...But I’m a million different people from one day to the next..." THE VERVE-BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY

"...Love is just my fantasy disguised..." VERTICAL HORIZON- ANGEL WITHOUT WINGS





¨ The world steps aside to let any man pass, if he knows where he`s going….
¨ Dream as if you`ll live forever, live as if you`ll die today….
¨ Čovjeka određuje svaki njegov sljedeći postupak…
¨ ….when i look at you, i see two men ;
¨ the one you are and the one you should be.
And one day, they two will meet
and you`ll become one hell of a men…
¨ The trouble is, if you don`t risk anyrhing, you risk even more.
















JIMMY EAT WORLD - THE MIDDLE

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle, it'll up the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.

It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.