...


pisano juče:
dok je on nabrajao razloge zašto, ja sam se jednostavno isključila. vrtila sam u rukama maramicu svu natopljenu suzama i slagala od nje pravilan tuljac.. ako nije bijo pravilan gurala bi rubove unutra da bar s jedne strane izgleda savršeno. onda bi tim mokrim tuljcem opet i opet brisala područje oko očiju koje me već svo peklo od suza a i bolilo od tvrdog papira. pa nova maramica, novi tuljac.. tu i tamo bi rekla nekaj a onda potrošila još hrpu maramica.. složila hrpu tuljaca koje sam uredno salagala na kauč. i sjetila sam se one žene s faksa koja od doma donosi sendviče napravljene od šnita kruha i zamotane u foliju, jede ih više od pola sata a onda satima sjedi slažući tu foliju na savršene dijelove. prvo ju izravna pa ju polaganim pokretima spusti na koljena a onda ju slaže.. pa ju opet razmota pa opet slaže. vidjela sam ju jednom i kad je uzimala cvjetiće s papirnatih maramica i slagala ih jedan na drugi.. i na veceu kad je rukama prelazila preko svoga lica.. kao da nikog nema oko nje, kao da je sama i hoće zauvijek zapamtiti te crte lica koje gleda svaki dan, al želi ih i dotaknuti da njihov izgled sačuva i prstima, jer možda ne želi prihvatiti promjene.. u trenu kad mi se raspadao cijeli život (jer bio mi je upravo to) jedino na kaj sam mogla misliti bila je ta žena s faksa kojoj se čudim svaki put iznova kad ju sretnem. koja je njena priča? jel uopće doživljava realnost koja ju okružuje? il je folija njena realnost ko što su maramice u tom trenu bile jedina realnost za koju sam ja htjela znati, koju sam htjela prihvatiti.. jedina razlika u njenim i mojim pokretima bavljenja našim realnostima bila je u tome da su njeni bili polaki, htjela je osjetiti svaki tren tog trenutka, i sviđalo joj se ono kaj osjeća u tom trenu, dok sam ja svoje maramice grčevito svijala i slagala ih misleći da ako brže složim brže bude sve to prošlo, jer moj trenutak je bio daleko od savršenog.. čekala sam da prestane, da ode ako misli.. nije. prestala sam plakati. nakon nekog vremena reko je da ide i zagrlio me.
c r a s h . .
slomio me zagrljaj. jer sam znala da je to najsigurnije mjesto za mene, a nakon kaj ode ostat ću sama.. ostao je preko noći. ja sam ga grlila u suzama i ljubila usne koje nisu odgovarale i govorila mu da je sebičan.. ujutro smo pričali. reko je da nije sretan, a ja sam viknula nek ode.. obukao se i pokupio stvari, a ja sam ostala u suzama u stanu kojeg je mrzio..
slomljena.
i ova pjesma ispod je realnost mog srca.. koja nije bitna nakon svega.. jer On je poželio samoću.. a ja ju tolko prezirem.
bojim se.



danas:
bolje sam jer nisam prihvatila njegove riječi.. jer se nadam da bude se sve opet vratilo na isto.. ja budem opet sigurna u svojoj kutiji od šibica, a on bude me volio dovoljno da se potrudi..
lažem sama sebi?
možda, al ako je ovak lakše možda dođem do faze kad bude mi lakše prihvatit i stvarnost. zasad to još ne mogu jer mi je previše značio.


04.07.2006. | 15:00 | (7) - ostavi škrabotinu | printek | # | ^

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da ili ne?


o meni

trenutno stanje:


nick:
škripava vrata
zakaj? pa jel znate onaj zvuk kad vrata škripe? e pa zato.
godine: 21
faks: filozofski, naravno.
zakaj naravno? piff. na to netreba ni odgovarat..
studiram: etnologiju i talijanski
boja: zelena i ljumbistača.
zakaj? pa zato ke su mi to najdraže boje.
zakaj dvije? zato jer je pao mrak.
oklen sam? krapinske toplice.. ha!
fejvrit bend: pink floyd
slušam još: hendrix, peppersi, stone temple pilots, pearl jam, staind, alice in chains, creed, alter bridge, cold chisel, creedence, frank sinatra, gomez, bob dylan, siddharta, zadruga, azra, ...
zakaj neću više niš napisat? zato jer iđem spat.



lyrics - waste


kul linkovi

Blog.hr
Forum FF-a :o)
River's Edge band


blogovi koje čitam

gorf grogmug
mukičićićićićić
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achtung
trigger hippie
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jasenko
kreativni foto kutak
adrienne
cvjetovi zla
majkee
puniša
harlekin
alianor
greenfrog
eruditna
maRy!!
suba



bićće još..


bjutiful song liriks

staind - epiphany
Your words to me just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

’cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
’cause my words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
’cause I can’t take anymore of this,
I want to come apart,
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

’cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
Yet I always try to hide
’cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don’t know how I feel
But I know I’ll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

’cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said



jimi hendrix - little wing
Well she's walking through the clouds
With a circus mind that's running round
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairy tales
That's all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind.

When I'm sad, she comes to me
With a thousand smiles, she gives to me free
It's alright she says it's alright
Take anything you want from me, anything
Anything.

Fly on little wing,
Yeah yeah, yeah, little wing



pink floyd - a pillow of winds
A cloud of eider down
Draws around me softening the sound
Sleepy time in my life
With my love by my side
And she’s breathing low
And the candle dies.

When night comes down you lock the door
The book falls to the floor
As darkness falls and waves roll by
The seasons change
The wind is raw.

Now wakes the hour that sleeps the swan
Behold a dream, the dream is gone
Green fields
A cold rain is falling
Near the golden dawn.

And deep beneath the ground
The early morning sounds and I go down
Sleepy time in our life
With my love by my side
And she’s breathing low

And I rise like a bird
In the haze and the first rays touch the sky
And the night winds die.



pearl jam - come back
If I keep holding out
Will the light shine through?
Under this broken roof
It's only rain that I feel
I've been wishin' out the days
Oh oh oh
Come back

I have been planning out
All that I'd say to you
Since you slipped away
Know that I still remain true
I've been wishin' out the days
Please say that if you hadn't have gone now
I wouldn't have lost you another way
From wherever you are
Oh oh oh oh
Come back

And these days, they linger on, yeah, yeah
And in the night, I've been waiting for
A real possibility that I may meet you in my dreams
I go to sleep

If I don't fall apart
Will my memory stay clear?
So you had to go
And I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date
So far away and yet you feel so close
I'm not going to question it any other way
It must be an open door for you
To come back

And the days they linger on, yeah
Every night I'm waiting for
The real possibility that I may need to end my pain
Sometimes you're there and you're talking back to me
Come the morning I could swear you're next to me
And it's ok

It's ok, it's ok

I'll be here
Come back, come back
I'll be here
Come back, come back
I'll be here
Come back, come back



frank sinatra - cheek to cheek
Heaven, I’m in heaven
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek

Heaven, I’m in heaven
And the cares that hung around me through the week
Seem to vanish like a gambler’s lucky streak
When we’re out together dancing (swinging) cheek to cheek

Oh I love to climb a mountain
And reach the highest peak
But it doesn’t thrill me half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek

Oh I love to go out fishing
In a river or a creek
But I don’t enjoy it half as much
As dancing cheek to cheek

come on and dance with me
I want my arms about you
That those charms about you
Will carry me through...

right up to heaven, I’m in heaven
And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak
And I seem to find the happiness I seek
When we’re out together dancing, out together dancing (swinging)
Out together dancing cheek to cheek




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