Rose Madder

10.11.2006., petak

stream of...something

mučnina kao i uvijek usporava svijet
kapci su smrznuti
svi rubovi meki

smireno lebdjeti...
baš i ne ispunjava pretjerano

tišina ima miris,
zrak boju...
ali gdje su nijanse?

rastopljeni satovi? da bar

nitko mi više ne priča bajke
nema vukova i ljubomornih kraljica
nisi više dijete...vrijeme je da se počneš bojati života

traži se prikladan instrument
harfa? violina?
klavir previše boli

pisati na papiru?
ruka je preslaba
ako bi se i sjetila kako se to uopće radi

i teatralno balansiranje na rubu je besmisleno

čak i da skočim,
padala bih polako...

- 00:17 - Komentari (18) - Isprintaj - #

06.07.2006., četvrtak

smirenost i razumnost
krhki poput paučine
pucaju pod svakim naletom
budeći glasove u glavi...
njihov šapat se pretvara u vrištanje
dovoljno glasno da lomi staklo
da lomi um
da lomi svijest

srce histerično udara
plamen bijesa se kovitla
ali lice je kameno
tijelo nepomično...
samo se prsti grče
nokti probijaju kožu
krv lagano teče
kao jedini pokret vidljiv oku

stajati na samom rubu i i lagano se njihati...
- 19:47 - Komentari (16) - Isprintaj - #

20.06.2006., utorak

omara pritišće...
svaka slika lagano treperi...
dopire samo plavi dim...
crne misli roje se poput vrana...

kako disati kada nemaš zraka?

želje u suprotnosti s mogućnostima...
volja u vječnoj borbi s umorom...
kada razum gubi svaki utjecaj...
kada se svaki princip pretvori u pepeo...

kako sanjati kada nemaš sna?

nevidljive oči još su ovdje...
čiji se pogled vječno osjeća...
dok njegove tihe riječi odzvanjaju...
moj vrisak je vječno prigušen.

- 19:17 - Komentari (10) - Isprintaj - #

07.06.2006., srijeda












lutati koz tamu srca
umoran od borbe
nemoćno gledajući kako se svaka obrana ruši

svaki otkucaj srca zvuči šuplje, a opet glasno ... nestvarno

poput vriska nijemih
snova vječno budnih
suza davno preminulih

kako živjeti proklet a i dalje imati dušu

bolne misli
potisnuti osjećaji
neizrečene riječi

bježati i dalje? ... ili se pustiti?


BD: ''The misty ghosts of childhood fears
The pressure is building, and I can't stay away
...
My emotions frozen in an icy lake
I couldnt feel them until the ice began to break''



što ako se zidovi zaista sruše?

što ako te netko uistinu vidi?


HE: ''I have no mouth and I must scream...''
- 11:45 - Komentari (12) - Isprintaj - #

21.05.2006., nedjelja

In Memoriam

Father & Daughter
Paul Simon

If you leap awake
In the mirror of a bad dream
And for a fraction of a second
You can't remember where you are
Just open your window
And follow your memory upstream
To the meadow in the mountain
Where we counted every falling star

I believe a light that shines on you
Will shine on you forever
And though I cant guarantee
There's nothing scary hiding under your bed
I'm gonna stand guard like a postcard
At the Golden Retriever
And never leave till I leave you
With a sweet dream in your bed

Trust your intuition
It's just like goin fishin'
You cast your line and hope you get a bite
You don't need to waste your time
Worryin' about the market place
Trying to help the human race
Strlin to survive its harshest hour

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father who loved
His daughter more than I love you

- 20:34 - Komentari (1) - Isprintaj - #

11.05.2006., četvrtak












poput bijesa oluje
tutnja grmljavinje
udarac koji ne očekuješ

samo jedan bljesak
može slomiti svaku dušu
raspoloviti svaki kamen

promijeniti ga zauvijek

za sobom ostaviti osvježenje
zajedno s uništenjem
te osjećaj užitka i slomljenosti istovremeno

nemir čak i kada sve utone u smiraj



just following the storm...

trying to feel the rain...

dreaming of thunder...

- 16:56 - Komentari (6) - Isprintaj - #

29.03.2006., srijeda

chasing dreams
searching for salvation

how can you find something when you eyes are closed?

aching every day
outside and in

can someone else really take away your pain?

living with half a heart
only building walls

is this the reality you yearn for?

a dream within your grasp
real life just a heartbeat away

do you have the courage?

just open your eyes...
slowly...

- 21:29 - Komentari (17) - Isprintaj - #

17.02.2006., petak

tračak nade
početak divne iluzije
luksuz stvaranja vlastitih slika
vlastite stvarnosti

sunce koje grije taman koliko je potrebno
glazba koju samo ti čuješ
najlaganiji korak
i savršeno pogođene riječi

kako vrijeme prolazi sunce ti počinje pržiti kožu
glazba postaje preglasna
korak težak
a riječi režu poput komada slomljenog stakla

tu je samo vjetar
pokoja misao
i pokoji otkucaj srca

dok jednog dana sve ne utihne
i sve što preostane je zaglušujuća tišina

- 22:11 - Komentari (13) - Isprintaj - #

28.01.2006., subota

where am I

where is the person I used to be

when have I lost my soul
my spirit
my light

a part of me wants to hold on
but my bloody fingers keep slipping

a part of me wants to let go and fall
but I do not want to fall alone

strling
waiting

come
take my hand

disappear with me

- 21:08 - Komentari (13) - Isprintaj - #

14.12.2005., srijeda

still

still dreaming of you
unable to distinguish sweet dreams among the nightmares

still feeling the touch of your hand
fingers caressing my white skin

still hearing you play
breaking my heart with each note

still seeing your smile
on the faces of others

still talking to you
begging you to hear me

still looking at the moon
and seeing your face

it's still you...
keeping me alive on so little

- 02:03 - Komentari (15) - Isprintaj - #

11.12.2005., nedjelja

oni

siva lica u gužvi
prazne oči koje ne odražavaju dušu
živi mrtvaci koji jure ulicama
nikada ne zastaju
ne osvrću se oko sebe

nema smisla pokušati im uhvatiti pogled
pokušati ostvariti onaj jedan trenutak prepoznavanja i razumijevanja
ako gledaju kroz zidove, kako ne bi i kroz tebe?

što im teče žilama?
to ne može biti krv, vruća i crvena
mora biti nešto ustajalo i sivo
nešto što se samo ponekad malo pomakne...

tek toliko da te zavara da su poput tebe

možeš se pokušati boriti
naravno da možeš, to je stvar slobodne volje
ali prije ili kasnije počinješ primjećivati privlačnost njihova sivila
divan život na samom rubu postojanja
prekrasno stanje svijesti koje ne poznaje istinu
ne poznaje pravu ljepotu,
ne poznaje intenzivne osjećaje,
ne poznaje ništa od onoga što nas čini ljudskim bićima

živiš u laži,
ali ta je laž ono što si oduvijek želio,
koga briga da li je stvarna ili ne?
tko u stvari želi istinu kada je ona tako okrutna?

prije nego što se okreneš jedan si od njih,
sivog lica i praznih očiju,
očiju koje ništa ne odražavanju jer iza njih ništa više ne postoji,
samo praznina,
život po tuđim pravilima,
bez individualnosti,
bez osobnosti,
bez srca

sve nas je manje...

- 00:48 - Komentari (20) - Isprintaj - #

01.12.2005., četvrtak

as the snow covers the castle's walls
I make a decision
to escape
to run

I knock over all the candles as I head down the stairs,
even before I reach the bottom the flames start roaring

my footsteps echoing through the hallways

so many portals before my eyes
but which one leads to salvation?

I suddenly see his face on one of them
for just a second
a single moment

a wish or an omen?

it is still enogh to push me through it

I feel the fresh air on my face
the snow flakes in my hair
...
and for a moment I stop
just to breathe

but they are closing in

will one of their swords penetrate my heart?
will I escape this prison?
will I surrender to their will?

or just disappear before their eyes as if I was never even there

just slowly...

melt into the snow

- 21:38 - Komentari (20) - Isprintaj - #

17.11.2005., četvrtak

colors are burning my eyes
but I cannot look away

my only resting place is soiled
disturbed

feeling dead to the world

some wounds never heal
some words are never spoken

all the beauty hurts
because he isn't here to see it

a soul broken in half
wanting to release the pain
but I have no tears

do the dead cry?

- 23:06 - Komentari (20) - Isprintaj - #

23.09.2005., petak

the real world

the real world doesn't really exist
nothing is real here
or so I wish

dreams seem so much more tangible
so wonderful
so managable

in them I'm wonderful
decisive
loveable
...normal

the moment betwen the two is such a strle
trying to remain beautiful and sain
but still pushed into the world of my madness

waking up...

all of the pictures are still the same
all of my demons sit and wait for me to embrace them
to ravish them
and I do
not able to resist
to say no
to help myself

I do it again and again
hurting my body and soul
destroying whatever remained of my true self
killing myself one day at a time

don't wake me up anymore
please don't

- 14:45 - Komentari (24) - Isprintaj - #

18.09.2005., nedjelja

the dark and grey sky
reflecting my soul

holding my breath...

winds blowing aimlessly
reflecting my anger

holding my breath...

voices screaming in vain
reflecting my madness

holding my breath...

forbidden things offering relief
reflecting my strle

holding my breath...

my vampire within my reach
reflecting my weakness

release...

- 15:48 - Komentari (17) - Isprintaj - #

15.09.2005., četvrtak

searching my soul
like a blind man feeling his way through a room

bumping into things which scare me because I don't know what they are
feeling only their shapes
their sharp edges

the more I try
the harder I hit the wall
the wall that cannot be torn down
but still I try

always someone offering help
but I refuse
not wanting anyone to hold my hand
to guide me

always by myself
even in a crowd of people
even with my closest friends
just me

alone

you say you know me
or how much alike we are
I just smile
sometimes agree
and dismiss you at the same instant

how can we be the same
or even similar
me a nonentity
you a human being

my numerous personalities
experiences
achievements

and it all still amounts to nothingness

- 16:11 - Komentari (9) - Isprintaj - #

13.09.2005., utorak

plesase don't do that
don't put yourself down so

shouldn't this be beneath you?
aren't you a person much more discerning?

you have always looked deeper inside
and now you stay on the surface

you have fallen for the cheapest trick of them all
and still you remain blind

you overstate and exaggerate
putting on an unfamiliar face

your words don't reveal you anymore
they are simply not your own

this cannot last
or the most terrible thing will happen....

I'll have to admit I've misjudged you

- 19:25 - Komentari (13) - Isprintaj - #

11.09.2005., nedjelja

mesmerize

one turn of the wheel

mesmerize

one drop of blood

mesmerize

one single tear

mesmerize

a twisted path

mesmerize

a forgotten journey

mesmerize

a broken mind

...

finding some form of freedom when you're only a humble slave

trying to break free from yourself

to run

to feel the wind

...

stop making myself ache?
I wont' even bother
I love to see my soul vanish...ever so slowly

- 23:43 - Komentari (7) - Isprintaj - #

10.09.2005., subota

yet another night
sleep still evades me

gazin at the forming shadows
grabbing them
only to see them slip through my fingers

just like you

your dreams pull me under
filled with soothing voices of nature

your sweet dreams are my nightmares

I try not to see them
not to feel them
but I do

my voice inside your head
your voice in mine
my biggest burden

love cannot overcome all
not the paralyzing fear that still defines us

Why are we loved the most when we leave?

- 14:35 - Komentari (15) - Isprintaj - #

09.09.2005., petak

please god

if you're there
please hear me

bring him back to me

raise him from the dead

I know you can

I cannot exist like this
so many faces
so many voices

all of them vague and so trivial

I long for the person I once was
I miss myself

what I am now...
this is not a person
not a human being

just some broken object
that can never be put back together

there are just some small pieces of me left...
and they are dying slowly with each passing day
with each passing heartbreak
shattering

no one else can be my light
so please god...
do the impossible

make him live again

- 16:01 - Komentari (6) - Isprintaj - #

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opis bloga

She sits in the corner, trying to draw air out of a room which seemed to have plenty just a few minutes ago and now seems to have none.

čita se...

Lyrics

There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones



Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory will leave her spirit soon
She shuts the doors and lights
And lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are running deep
She has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep



Uhvati me čvrsto i ne popušta.
Lud je za tišinom, to ne propušta.
Vodi me u svoj plavičasti dom.

Jedan d-moll me razvali,
neki bi to prosto tugom nazvali.
Nije to...šta je tuga za d-moll?



My spirit begins to rise to the heavenly skies
Just to be shunned away by you
Now all I want is to die, no streets of gold in the sky
And I wash my hands of you

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