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there seems to be so much going on i dont have a grip on it all.
i've let myself skip four tests. two of which were half of my history grade.
i dont know how i keep doing this. because i remind myself constantly to get it done, and then when it comes time, my memory slips away and i have no idea that i missed it. I'm going to fail this semester. I know i am. and i almost dont want to even deal with it all next semester. I'm going to be in school forever. Because i continuously fail one semester, and pass the next with flying colors. Maybe I should just not go in the fall and only attend school every spring. it seems to work for me.

i feel like staying in bed like this all day, although i know i have to be at work in a little under two hours. i've very anti-doing anything today. and, again, i have a test in my online english class that i have to come home and remember to do after work. *sigh* working two jobs was probably not the best of choices for me to make right now. I'm not even sure if i'm going to go back to school next year. I am wondering how my parents would react if i just merely took the fall semester off. I'm not so sure this is what i want to do anymore. it seems like lately i've been trying so hard to succeed at everything, that i'm just causing myself to fail. i need a break.

yes. my sheets are hot pink. i'm slowly adding "redo bedroom" to my to do list. I have a ton of stuff hidden at work that i'm going to buy and use to decorate a little later. but i also need to work on what i'm going to do about accessories and paint. and who i'm going to get to help me. i can't paint on my own. in case you haven't noticed, i'm tiny. and i have big furniture to move. not something i can easily accomplish by myself.

i feel kind of alone lately. not alone as in there's absolutely no one around, but... a different kind. I'm not sure i can explain it. but while i know i have my best friends, my family, and my few "we're-friends-but-whatever" friends... and the boy that takes up my thoughts... i dont feel... content. i feel disconnected and like there's no one to help me. I'm not sure how to fix it.

...i feel like i'm drowning.

this is one of my favorite pieces of furniture, ever. it's a very small secretery/writing desk which i think is vintage from the 20's or 30's. there are slots for mail and tiny drawers for supples, and the top slides down like a roll-top. also, a work surface slides out from the top. there are three drawers below the writing surface which i use as a dresser. this piece is fantastic, if not in great condition, and it's served me very well over the past few years. the only problem is that i now officially have too many clothes and there just isn't room here for all of it. also, i will soon be bringing the desk which is now serving as a media stand in the living room into here, so i won't need a dresser that converts into a work space. but it's a beautiful piece! it's the only actual antique i own! how can i give this up?