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Been thinking again this week... never good for me :) I answered a question a few weeks ago and it's been nagging on my mind ever since. the question:

do you have to look your best to be the best?

to which I glibbly replied, 'I think you just have to act like you're at your best

but I haven't been able to let it go. because, what does looking or doing your best really mean? what does it mean to just act like you're doing your best? Then I went to the A2 Folk Fest and got really depressed over the question. why? because if you've ever been to the folk fest you know how amazing and outstanding those musicians are... I feel that way about every artist I see at work: amazed at their abilities and talent. and at the folk fest I was happy to see a number of groups I'd never heard of before. what struck me most was that none necessarily looked what might be considered their 'best'. a few were pretty darn crunchy and odd... which I happen to love, mostly b/c I tend to be crunchy and odd ;) anyway, i decided then that looking your best was really just a personal opinion... you might not look good to anyone else, but that has no bearing on whether or not you're doing your best.

The harder question was in the connotation of my reply- do you only pretend to be at your best when you know you're not there or not ever going to get there? No person on that folk fest stage was pretending to be their best- I can promise you that! And so I got sad that maybe that response rests in mediocracy; in being mediocre. that perhaps pretending to be at your best is the only way one can survive mediocracy. Because being mediocre is not given enough credit. I think we should give people more credit for accepting their mediocracy, because it's not easy to do.

So anyway; I don't wear makeup. I own it, but I don't feel comfortable in it. It's itchy and feels fake on my face. It might look better to some, but with it on I am NEVER at my best. But I pretended today, just to make a point :)

week 14/52

Even when 10 or 30 your still learning life it seems...
And when your with your own nose on it close you cant see it...
Sometimes you kinda get lost on the way.. So hard busy prooving to your self that things are great...
That somewhere you lost track.. You know it, but dont know where you lost it..
Sometimes a friend and a few lines makes you relise where it went wrong..
I was running and running, keeping my self busy to the extreem.. still never finding what i wanted kinda..
Running to proof... look at me my life is exciting and a blast, kinda prooving things to others and mostly my self..
I lost my self in that.. and i needed a eye opener that waked me up..
Even this 365.. finding more strange places, keeping pushing bounderys to get more pictures of places and things...
thanks so much for the mail..

Yeah, i need to admit.. i lost my self in all this.. and not able to stop running, cos i coudnt see where it was wrong!!!
So i made a prommisse... i dont need to proof shit to no one..
I will stop running.. what the hell i need to proof anyways?
I think i have proofed enough to my self last 2 years..
Its time to act more 30 i guess... sestle more down and not always pretend life is one party for me..
Because its never all party for anyone..
And admitting that.. gave me already 50% peace...


There for also this easy picture.. naked no makeup of adds, and honest in a mirror looking treuly to yourself ;) and no crazy shit...
SOmetimes crazy is good but not running passing yourselfs and be crazy 24/7 was my wakeupcall...
(even though im not planning on going on the borring mom way.. hell no!!! Just a bit less and in right proportions ;D )
And that i know now, i realy can close somethings.. im over them..
Again something that i learned cos of my 365 in a way... Who says 365 have only camera skill use??? =P