Ako ste nekim čudom nesrećni i nostalgični Srbin a .......
Zivite u Kanadi, Americi, Australiji ili vec negde drugde, daleko od
rodbine, prijatelja i otadzbine. Povremeno vas muci nostalgija i lepo
vam dodje da sednete na prvi avion i odletite pravo do rodne grude, pa
sta kosta da kosta. Zato, evo kratkog spiska stvari, ljudi i dogadjaja
u kojima ne mozete da uzivate zato sto ste tamo daleko.
Dakle, propustate:
1) bonove za struju umesto penzija;
2) odlazak u Sofiju da tamo budete domaci navijac;
3) Dnevnik Radio televizije Srbije;
4) obnovu zemlje oslanjanjem na sopstvene snage;
5) radost sto ce nezavisne radio stanice ponovo moci da cuje cak 2
odsto biraca u Srbiji;
6) mogucnost da vam na ulici prilaze zgodne devojke i da vas pitaju gde
ste nabavili dva litra ulja koje nosite u kesi;
7) mogucnost da vam na ulici prilaze zgodne devojke i da vas pitaju gde
ste nabavili pola litra mleka koje nosite u kesi;
8) mogucnost da vam na ulici prilaze zgodne devojke i da vas pitaju gde
ste nabavili kilo secera koje nosite u kesi;
9) mnogo mogucnosti za upoznavanje sa zgodnim devojkama;
10) pogled na kontejner iz koga viri penzionisani profesor;
11) bonove za benzin pomocu kojih ne mozete da nabavite benzin;
12) kupovinu goriva u flasama od dva litra u koje ne staje dva litra;
13) benzinske pumpe pretvorene u vazdusne banje, posto na istima nema
ni traga od automobila ili drugih zagadjivaca vazduha;
14) "Drinu" zapakovanu u kutiju "Marlboroa";
15) potpazusne miomirise u prepunom gradskom autobusu;
16) genijalne misli nezavisnih intelektualaca koji tvrde da je od nase
vlasti gora samo nasa opozicija;
17) kupovinu originalne americke robe proizvedene negde izmedju
Bugarske i Rumunije;
18) proglasavanje pontonskog mosta za kapitalni projekat;
19) burek i jogurt;
20) nadu da cete i bez grejanja prolece mozda uspeti da docekate
zdravi;
21) enorman porast proizvodnje i prodaje sporeta na drva;
22) hodnik u soliteru pun drva za ogrev;
23) slatku jezu koju stvara neizvesnost pri svakom ulasku u prodavnicu;
24) konobare koji su grdno uvredjeni sto ste narucili samo kafu i
kiselu;
25) junsku platu u decembru;
26) slave na kojima niko nece da prica o politici. Prvih pet minuta;
27) cinjenicu da su se stare gace pocepale, a kupovina novih
predstavlja cist luksuz;
28) najveceg opozicionara Vuka Draskovica;
29) najveceg opozicionara Zorana Djindjica;
30) najveceg opozicionara Vojislava Kostunicu;
31) mnogo najvecih opozicionara;
32) Jul u julu;
33) Jul u avgustu;
34) Jul u septembru;
35) Jul cele godine;
36) generalne strajkove u kojima ucestvuje po dvesta radnika;
37) mozgove koji misle da su odbranili mostove u Novom Sadu;
38) generale koji u pauzi izmedju raznjica i vesalice prete ponovnim
osvajanjem Kosova;
39) ruski gas i americku humanitarnu pomoc koji tek sto nisu stigli;
40) kasnjenje voza zbog kojeg bi u Japanu cela vlada izvrsila
samoubistvo;
41) stopedeset ljudi na vratima tramvaja;
42) demonstracije koje nemaju veze sa zastitom foka i pravom na
privatnost polarnih medveda;
43) najuspesniju setvu i najrodniju zetvu;
44) nestanak struje zbog prevelikih vrucina;
45) nestanak struje zbog prevelikih hladnoca;
46) nestanak struje zbog prejakog vetra;
47) nestanak struje zbog kijavice;
48) kijavicu zbog nestanka struje;
49) nestanak struje bez ikakvog razloga;
50) slavlje povodom dolaska struje;
51) srecu najvecu sto je vasa zgrada prioritet pa vam nisu iskljucili
struju;
52) jos vecu srecu komsiluka iz zgrade preko puta koji aplaudira kad i
vi ipak ostanete bez struje;
53) mogucnost da Zorica Brunclik postane ministar kulture;
54) studente koji uz parolu "Kulturo, eve me!" zeljno iscekuju da
Zorica Brunclik postane ministar kulture;
55) odgovorne izjave odgovornih ljudi da devalvacije dinara nece biti;
56) devalvaciju dinara;
57) jos jedan veeeeliki miting nakon koga ce Slobodan Milosevic SIGURNO
otici sa vlasti.
A sta propustamo mi, koji jos uvek nismo uspeli da postanemo dijaspora:
1) sve ostalo.
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ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
You live in Canada, the U.S., Australia, or elsewhere, far, far away
from family, friends and homeland. Occasionally you suffer from bouts
of nostalgia and you feel like taking the first flight back to the
native land, whatever the cost. For times like that here is a brief
list of the things, people, and events which you are unable to enjoy
because of being so far away from home.
You are missing out on the following:
1) Energy coupons as substitutes for pensions;
2) Trips to Sophia, Bulgaria, to act as local supporters for your
football team;
3) Serbian State network news;
4) Rebuilding the country with our own resources;
5) Delight at news that independent radio stations will again be
broadcast to a whole of two percent of the Serbian electorate;
6) Chance that you might be approached by attractive women in the
street who ask you from where you got those two litres of cooking oil
which you are carrying in your shopping bag;
7) Chance that you might be approached by attractive women in the
street who ask you where you got that half-litre of milk which you are
carrying in your shopping bag;
8) Chance that you might be approached by attractive women in the
street who ask you from where you got that kilo of sugar which you are
carrying in your shopping bag;
9) Lots of opportunities of meeting attractive women;
10)Sight of garbage cans from which peep retired professors;
11)Fuel coupons which can't get you fuel;
12)Buying fuel in two-litre bottles that can't hold two litres;
13)Petrol stations turned into air spas, because there isn't a trace of
cars or other air polluters anywhere around them;
14)Drina tobacco sold in Marlboro boxes;
15)Odoriferous underarms in stuffed public transport;
16)Independent intellectuals making astute observations about the
government being surpassed in incompetence only by the opposition;
17)Shopping original American goods produced somewhere between Bulgaria
and Romania;
18)Pontoon bridges being declared projects of national importance;
19)Burek and yoghurt;
20)Hope that you might salvage your health through the winter in spite
of no heating;
21)Huge increase in the production and sale of wood stoves;
22)Corridors in residential buildings filled with firewood;
23)Shudders of uncertainty running down your back every time you walk
into a shop;
24)Waiters who are deeply offended because you only ordered coffee and
water;
25)June salary in December;
26)Parties where nobody talks about politics. For the first five
minutes;
27)The fact that your old underwear is coming apart, but replacing it
would be pure luxury;
28)Vuk Draskovic, greatest opposition leader;
29)Zoran Djindjic, greatest opposition leader;
30)Vojislav Kostunica, greatest opposition leader;
31)Lots of greatest opposition leaders;
32)JUL in July;
33)JUL in August;
34)JUL in September;
35)JUL all year round;
36)General strikes in which only 200 workers participate;
37)Geniuses who believe they saved the bridges in Novi Sad;
38)Army generals who threaten between their third and fourth course at
dinner parties to win Kosovo back;
39)Russian gas and American humanitarian aid which are about to arrive
any minute now;
40)Train delays of the kind which would cause suicide of the entire
Japanese government;
41)One hundred and fifty people hanging on the door of the tram;
42)Public protests which have nothing to do with the protection of the
sea lion and the polar bears' right to privacy;
43)Power cuts caused by excessive heat;
44)Power cuts caused by excessive cold;
45)Power cuts caused by excessive wind;
46)Power cuts caused by common cold;
47)Common cold caused by power cuts;
48)Power cuts caused by nothing at all;
49)Celebrations to mark power resumption;
50)Utter joy that your building is declared prioritary and you haven't
been subjected to power cuts;
51)Even greater joy of your neighbours from across the street cheering
when you get your power cut after all;
52)Chance that Zorica Brunclik might be nominated Minister for Culture;
53)Students cheering "Culture, here we come!" as they eagerly await
that Zorica Brunclik gets nominated Minister for Culture;
54)Authorities making definitive assertions that the Dinar will not be
devaluated;
55)Devaluation of the Dinar;
56)Yet another huuuge protest rally after which Slobodan Milosevic is
CERTAIN to resign.
And what are we missing out on, who haven't managed to get the heck out
of here:
1) Everything else.
Hvala: mom nepoznatom suradniku, nasmijao sam se od srca.......
Post je objavljen 29.04.2007. u 10:49 sati.