što je najbolje većina toga je istina^^
Croatia
From Uncyclopedia
Cro... what? ~ Oscar Wilde
Croatia is probably the biggest of all continents! Just a few people know that it is actually a continent!
Croatia and the Croatian people are the ONLY ex-Yugoslavians who were right! When they don't talk about Serbs they brag about how much you can curse in Croatian. They are very proud of the fact that it is impossible to translate these curses in any other language because of their brilliancy. Every second word in Croatian is Kurac - it can mean almost anything depending on the context.
When a Croatian is bored of the country he was blessed to live in he goes to Germany which is already inhabited by more Croatians than Croatia itself. When there, he will never stop saying that Croatia is the most beautiful country in the world.
The map of Croatia looks like the letter C, which actually also shows how hard working Croatian people are. They are so tired after the work that they need to lay down and sleep a few more hours everyday. This happens of course to anyone if he/she doesn't manage to get the right amount of coffee/gossip that day. It creates a terrible feeling of "I-don-t-feel-like-it" and "I-don-t-want-to".
Croatia is a very sporty nation. You may have noticed Croatian athletes on the news winning all kind of prizes, but inside the country the most widespread sports are Coffee-Cup Lifting, Smoking and "What-Did-They-Do?". All of these require a lot of exercise and this is why you'll find people in coffee places all the time, especially during working hours, as they get permits to skip work for the sake of this sport.
The people there are also very hospitable and friendly in so much as they want to know everything about you ASAP for use in the sport "What-Did-They-Do?". Also most of the people will be very communicative every time you asking "Do you speak English" they will answer very politely "Ne!" and keep on looking at you. You will find very devoted customer care especially in shops where people (even if you assure them that you don't speak Croatian) will continue promoting the qualities of the products they sell.
Croatia has several major export products, mostly consisting of sunshine, dark tan, nice vacation memories and female tourist pregnancy. Minor products consist mostly of popular music, unsual clotches called "narodna nosnja", digestive problems caused by extremely wide choice of food which involuntary compels people to overeat and sexual diseases of benign nature. Exclusive export product are generals, which are mostly delivered to a small town called Den Haag, if they are not misplaced in transport.
Croatian popular music is considered at least good, specially in surrounding countries (except in Hungary and on Mars, whose citizens do not even try to understand our language, but they enjoy music itself).
Croatia is mostly known as responsible for inventing the torture device known as the tie ("kravata" in Croatian and similar languages) and as the birthplace of Nikola Tesla.
Croatia is not responsible for the extinction of Dodo birds!
Croatian capitol is called Zagreb, mostly inhabited by students and other sorts of people not born in Zagreb. There is urban legend about people actually been born in Zagreb, but all witnesses dissapeared under mysterious circumstances. There is no proof that people actually born in Zagreb are in any relation to Dodo birds.
[edit]YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN
All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient "Vegeta"
You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk
You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even in the middle of summer)
There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2 year supply of Brandy
You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away
The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian
English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati", "study-ati"
Your Dida mowes the lawn in knee high black socks and sandals
Your Dida has a shot of Rakija for breakfast
At least one family member makes his own wine
"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well
At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances
Your parents were at the function where you got drunk
The majority of your friends are also your relatives,even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their parents as "Teta" and "Striko"
You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola"
"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy
At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and your parents said "Samo probaj"
Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion
When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings(regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem"
Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home
Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?"
Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from "fakultet"
Lunch on sundays have more courses than Amerikanci have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner
You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello, that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs feet
You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed if someone asked you what it was
There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA
Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher
Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand
All other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in english so that the serbian people won't find out you speak "their" language and start trying to be your friend.
You have at least one short-wave radio in your house
You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the klupa in church on Sunday mornings
You live with your parents until you are married
Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because you didn't eat enough
When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u pizdu materinu"
Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons
Dida and/or Baka spits into a napkin at the dinner table
Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene
Dida & Baka insist you are quiet while he watches the news even though he doesn't understand a single word they're saying. Regardless of the fact he doesn't understand what they're saying, he knows more about what's going on in the world than you do
You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama and Tata as you were growing up
Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that it meant "NO!"
Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow be traced back to Serbs
Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money had a cell phone before you and wears only name brand clothing
Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you are not married by the age of 18
You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland
You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home
You have 17 consenants in your name and only 2 vowels
Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Amerikanac
You cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide
Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's
No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on the block has a nickname for it
A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000 people, 2/3 of which you dont even know
......You're still laughing your ass off cause u know every single one of these are true!
Post je objavljen 23.09.2005. u 17:00 sati.