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srijeda, 21.02.2007.

''There is no such thing as a free lunch''




Desanka je jela kuvane pileće glave kad je na vrata banuo John Maynard Keynes. Desanka je odmah protrnula od glave do pete jer su joj i muž i sva djeca sjedila na podu oko nje i oštrila kolčeve koje će zabiti u rupe što su ih cijelu noć kopali pa će ih onda prekriti granama i čekati da naiđe neki David Attenborough koji je trebao snimati dokumentarac o čudnom ponašanju risova koje su njen muž i djeca joj pripitomili i naučili kako da kradu rotkape sa automobilskih guma po obližnjim selima i donose ih Desankinom mužu i djeci pa ih ovi vješaju po šumi tako da zvekeću, udarajući jedne od druge kad puše vjetar. Protrnula je jer su joj muž, a i sva joj djeca nagle naravi pa spopadnu koga god bilo ako taj bane na vrata i obično ga gone po cijelu noć, zajedno sa risovima kroz šumu dok one rotkape zvekeću sve dok taj ne izludi ili lipsa. Ali kad su ugledali Maynarda Keynesa i muž i djeca su skočili na noge, počeli popravljati svoju odjeću u manirima engleske gospode, kao da se prezentiraju u najboljem svjetlu, počeli se zakašljavati ne bi li se tečno predstavili sa 'How do you do, Sir...' i stali mirno u red, sa njenim mužem na čelu, spremni da se predstave uglađenom engleskom gentlemenu 'in a manner proper to the occasion'. Desanka je ostala zgranuta takvim razvojem događaja jer je bila uvjerena da joj je familija potpuno bez inhibicija kad treba nanijeti neugodnosti bilo kojem ljudskom biću na koje naiđu. Keynes je uglađeno pitao: ''Sorry, it seems that I got a little bit lost in this wilderness of yours... I hope that I do not intrude on sanctity of your home if I dare to enquire of my present whereabouts... since your house is the first one I've seen in three whole days and nights that I have spent hounted by those strange tingleing noises throughout the woods... '' Desankin muž se blago naklonio i pokazao jedinu slobodnu stolicu u prostoriji, uz smiješak koji je pokazivao nekrotično koštano tkivo maksilarne čeljusti, deklarativno uzviknuvši: ''Let me quote one sleezy motherfucking asshole who became important years after you had already died... Richard Nixon – 'We are all Keynesins now!.' , so please feel as if you're alive, well and surrounded by friends... for me and my family cherish your economic paradigm as one of the greatest achievements of human mind and, more importantly, of human solidarity... please, take a seat and one of my children, one with ravies not fully blown, will serve you with tea and biscuits... or with something else, if you have an acquired taste as noble men as you are often do...'' Desanka nije mogla vjerovati svojim očima i ušima, djeca su joj se rastrčala po kući i počela preturati po hrpama smeća tražeći, i što je najnevjerojatnije, pronalazeći svako svoju kopiju knjige 'The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Money', donoseći ih zbunjenom Keynesu da im da autograme sa posvetama. ''I knew that day will come when two of us will finally meet, regardless of the fact that you've been dead for decades and that I should have died decades ago according to entire medical science, mr Keynes... I am your great admirerer... what you did with that agregate demande curve, pushing it so bowdly to the right and bending that vertical dissgrace of classical agregate supply curve to meet your equilibrium bellow the point of full employment... my heart starts beating wild and I get this uncontrolable urge to burn the barne of some person utterly unknown to me... just like right now... children! My children! Are you ready for some random arsening in honour of this giant of economic thought that unexpectedly barged in... are you!?'' Djeca su se okupila oko Desankinog muža i zaurlala: ''Let's burn some barnes!'' Pokupili su baklje i istrčali napolje... na odlasku je Desankin muž nanignuo Keynesu i rekao: ''Don't take your present condition so seriously... as you once said – In a long run, we're all dead, ha ha ha...''. Zalupio je vrata za sobom i ostavio začuđenu Desanku samu sa Maynardom Keynesom. Neugodnu tišinu prekinuo je Keynes... ''I see you have prepared some deliciouos chicken-head soup, I didn't really expect such cullinary surprises, like I discovered a fabulous little restaurant in the very centre of Paris... it was there for years and years and yet it somehow passed unnoticed... may I indulge myself in expectation of your willingness to share some of those unresistable boiled chicken heads with me?''
''No'' – odgovorila je odlučno Desanka – '' A lot of things have changed since you died... one of those things is establishment of a new and very simple basic rule of economic thought.'' Keynes se nije dao smesti, nije mu bilo toliko stalo do pilećih glava jer je bio odavno mrtav, a mrtvi ljudi ne lutaju svijetom da bi jeli već da bi ubili vrijeme.
''Oh... my theory does not produce the same result that used to be predictable given the same circumstances as are given now... nobody knows why, ha ha ha... all right, shoot my lady... which is that new, basic rule of economics as it is understud nowdays?''
''There is no such tning as a free lunch!'' – rekla je glasno Desanka i strpala poveću pileću glavu u usta. ''Hmmm... I think I've heard that one before... sounds reasonable... if you're not a communist, and a very naive one, I must add, ha ha...'' – veselo se nasmijao Maynard Keynes. Desanka ga je gledala sumljičavo dok je isisavala slasni sadržaj pileće glave koju je preturala po ustima. ''And what about that Wellfare State of yours and Roosevelts, what about deficite financing, what about inflation and it's benign nature if other prices are revaluated in due time so that there is no loss of value though the consumption grows and grows propelling the economy endlessly in everlasting circless ignated by impuls of goverment spending that accelerates the system as long as there is a political will to do so? Is that not a free lunch given to somebody for free on one side but charged the other side for cost of material, labour at least, in this case a benevolent goverment ready to spent nonexisting money on your free lunch hence injecting the same into the economy with accelerating cascade of further spending... isn't that a free lunch?''
Keynes je djelovao zamišljeno... ova ga je seoska tetka uhvatila sa rukom u 'cookie jarr', beskonačno deficitarno financiranje... njegov nedosanjani san. ''Well, at final analysis there is a cost of that borrowed money that has to be put back where it came from, dependig how the deficit was financed in the first place... bonds can't really bounce like personal checks, you now... you can't leave budget deficite to the newly elected executive branch of goverment without any excuse or reason... that would lead to everincreasing goverment debt...'' – pokušavao se Keynes izvući iz škripca. ''Come on... you can have an increase in economic growth that can be propperly taxed and your free lunch can be charged only to be served free again... you just need a formal, institutional system that is above particular national interests and has the prosperity and growth of the whole world as it's purpouse, only under those conditions of absense of any selfish motives, of low profit oriented goverment spending, which would be an unbeatable competitor to private sector, keeping it's prices low and it's profits within decent margins, only then you could have a free lunch. Your 'bancor' system aimed at that very same objective, do you realy think that ITO, with it's enormous funds that equal with value of the entire international trade, would not be used by global executive institutions to finance free lunches for all the hungry people on this planet... didn't Roosevelt himself demanded an international currency for purpouses of international trade and therefore controle over that trade and much more, control of the flow of cheap investment capital that would be directed towards not so desirable destinations according to selfish, strictly profit oriented standards... a 'New Global Deal'... and you almost got it... but both you and Roosevelt had to die in those times when we really, really needed you... here, have some chicken heads for free... taste them...''
Keynes je djelovao umorno. ''I chose your house becouse it had all the trademarks of utterly deviant and disfunctional household... and I run in to the bunch of my admireres and I let myself be dragged into this conversation with you... with you who look like a waitress in hell's hospital restaurant... and instead of some zombie fun, I get smashed with all the prospects that I had nor time nor strenght to fulfill... ok, give me my free lunch and I'll be gone''

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