BLACK&WHITE
27.10.2004., srijeda
Darkest hour before the dawn
Opet ...ma ne...nije depresija...al fakin melankolija. I ovo pisem al ne znam oce li biti post. Ma oce valjda. Trecu noc/jutro zaredom budim se u isto vrijeme. I na isti nacin. Bez ure. Sam se budim. Poslije sna. Mokar. I budim se sa istom mislju. I onda se dizem. Sa cudnim nekim filingom. Tesko je opisat uopce. Mjesavina svega i svacega. Pa uglavnom nekakva melankolija...pomjesana s zerom depresije...straha... Pa onda pijem prvu kavu. Palim prvu cigaretu. Pa drugu...trecu...a sad vec...fak!!...opet sam preko kutije...i jako me to ljuti! Al jebga...ja ionako znam kad cu prestat pusit. Tocno znam!! Al o tome necu. To je na meni da znam. The lore of elders passes judgements on this waste And finding me or them does lack accepting fate And as the moments pass another face arrives We watch them come and go with speed of passing clouds Forbidden fruits of dreams that rule our thoughts my love Of lands untouched and ways to come always maybe But choking on the promises meant for the deal Thinking again the darkest hour before the dawn Confirming fears that from the dawn of time have been Retracing footsteps in dark chambers of grey lands And through the madness through the terror we must pass As if awaiting sunlight that may never come In time we face ourselves with all our faults and fears Now that i know the final conflict is within I recognise the faces of my friends and hear the call "Come journey, journey with me through the darkest hour" Citao sam malo Pepea jucer(i necu ga sad opet linkat, da se ne umisli!:-D) i komentare mu pa vidim... Da, cini mi se da svatko ima ono jedno ime...jednu osobu...koje se stalno prisjeca...koje ga stalno prati... I ja ga imam. I ne zelim uopce izgovarati njezino ime...jer...ne zelim...i davno sam zabranio svima oko sebe!! Ma proslo je to sve...ali uvijek...uvijek te nesto podsjeti. Prosli tjedan...u jednom danu...u jednom satu...mene je tako bacilo natrag...u proslost...i to kad se najmanje nadas! Podsjetilo me na NJU. I nije bilo ugodno. Cudno zapravo. Jer bilo je to stvarno davno. Reko sam nekome neki dan - svirao je na radiju Stublic - '...ne osjecam nista...samo se sjecam.'. To je to. I proslo je vrijeme kad sam se pitao ovako nesto : He waits for her to understand But she won't understand at all She waits all night for him to call But he won't call anymore He waits to hear her say "Forgive" But she justs drops her pearl-black eyes And prays to hear him say "I love you" But he tells no more lies He waits for her to sympathize But she won't sympathize at all She waits all night to feel his kiss But always wakes alone He waits to hear her say "Forget" But she just hangs her head in pain And prays to hear him say "No more I'll never leave again" How did we get this far apart? We used to be so close together How did we get this far apart? I thought this love would last for ever I ja sam mislio. Da ce trajat zauvijek. Vise ne. I ne znam jel cu opet ikad tako mislit. Jebga. I necu vise nekog cekat da me razumije. Jer...il me razumije il ne. Tocka. I boli me ku... onda. Pa sve sve i ako to znacilo da i ja onda idem u ku...! Bas me briga! Neka. I jos mi nes palo na pamet sad. Citao sam jednom negdje...'Za onog koga volis mozes napravit sve osim...voljeti ga ponovo.' Istina. Al dobro...neko se mozda i nece slozit sa mnom. Neka. Ma uzasna zbrka od posta. Pisem bezveze...kako mi dolazi...i zato je tako sjebano. Fak! Jel se jos nekom pojavi kad onaj osjecaj da nece biti dobro? Da ce sve krenut krivo ili je vec krenulo...i da ce se nesto dogodit. Nesto.A ne mozes nista napravit jer i ne znas sto ce se dogodit. A mozda i ne zelis ista napravit. Pa mislis...neka se dogodi. Sta ja tu mogu?? E pa tako se i ja osjecam sad. Neka se dogodi. Marian, there's a weight above me And the pressure is all too strong To breathe deep Breathe long and hard To take the water down and go to sleep To sink still further Beneath the fatal wave Marian I think I'm drowning This sea is killing me I nije sad ovo depresivka neka. Nije uopce. Samo razmisljanje. Ili...melankolija, reko sam vec. Ma bezveze. p.s. I sad slobodno mozete reci - fak! opet ovaj sere nes! ma kak ju!! - jer i meni doslo da samom sebi kazem - gou fak jorself!! :-D Jebga. p.p.s. A ova slikica gore je moj jutrosnji darkest hour before the dawn...uz dim cigarete. Eto. ********************** JOHN PEEL (1939 - 2004) Pocivaj u miru, John... ********************** Zadnji apdejt veceras. Par dana me nece bit kuci pa...nis. To je to. There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface Consuming Confusing This lack of self-control I fear is never ending Controlling I can't seem To find myself again My walls are closing in Without a sense of confidence,and I'm convinced That there's just too much pressure to take I've felt this way before So insecure Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me Distracting Reacting Against my will I stand beside my own reflection It's haunting how I can't seem To find myself again My walls are closing in Crawling in my skin These wounds they will not heal Fear is how I fall Confusing, confusing what is real |
25.10.2004., ponedjeljak
Aha. Bio je to gadan vikend. Fak!! Kako je bio gadan! Ali je eto prosao. Pa do slijedeceg takvog...ako ga bude:-)...ajmo bit veseli! Ili bar ok. Jer...jebga...vrag nikad ne spava. Zar ne?Enivej, rekao mi neko ovih dana da bi se bas volio zaljubiti. I da mu vec dosta biti sam. Pa se evo malo i ja razmisljam o tome. I da...ja sam na to reko - pa ko se ne bi volio zaljubiti?? Jer je u dvoje sve lakse! I sva sranja su bar upola vise probavljiva ako se ima onaj neko. Ha? Jel da jesu??:-) Shit! Moram se pod hitno zaljubit!!:-D Jebemu...pa nisu zabadava U2 pjevali: Loooooove...reeeescuuue meeeee!!! Pa oni valjda znaju!:-D A vikend mi je fakat bio gadan! Jedan od onih trenutaka kad se sve poklopi nekako i sranje pocne. I onda se posvadis s nekim...a taj neko ti vazan. Mene inace najvise sjebe kad se posvadim s mamom jer jebga...ona mi najvaznija osoba u zivotu.Trenutno.:-) Enivej, posvadis se s nekim ko ti full vazan i onda je samo pitanje trenutka kad ces eksplodirat. I reci ono sto ne mislis. Al jebga...trenutak je to...impuls...i zao ti odmah poslje ali nema vise natrag. Treba to odradit do kraja. I zdere te...zelis to popraviti...ali stojis na mjestu. Ne mices se. I ne cinis nista da to popravis. I jos kad mi taj neko kaze - 'Aj dobro!! Radi sto hoces!!!' - ja popizdim! I onda bas to napravim. Nda...i sto je najljepse sto se tada moze dogodit?? To... Long after midnight, on a night like this I'd sit by my black light and dream of your kiss Pulsating music fills my room and my head and I'd dream what it would be like to have you in my bed Cause I'm your best night...your best nightmare! ...to da isti taj koji te toliko sjebo (ili ti samo mislis da te sjebo:-)) ), napravi nesto tako jebeno dobro! I koliko te god prije sjebo, toliko te sada odusevi!:-) I uljepsa ti dan! I zahvalan si mu! I pozelis mu reci - MA VOLIM TE COVJECE!!! I ucini da se osjecas tako jebeno dobro da skaces po sobi! Ljudi, ja sam danas skakao po sobi kolko je bio dobar filing!:-) I nadam se da ce potrajati! Jos traje! Fak!! Nadam se da i ja nekoga toliko razveselim, bar ponekad, koliko je i mene danas! Hanging out all by myself I don't wanna be with anybody else I just want to be with you I just wanna have something to do Tonight...tonight...tonight... Eto tolko. I sad me ovo tolko iscrpilo (i skakanje jos vise:-) ) da se moram bacit u krevet. A mozda i sanjam nesto...dobro!??:-) Ovu noc jesam. I bilo nam...ovaj...bilo mi je bas dobro:-D E sad sam stvarno gotov s ovim postom. Idem odmorit da sutra (a mozda i nocas) posjetim svoje prijatelje. Sa bloga.:-)) p.s. Fak! Nikak da svrsim s ovim postom!:-) Ma nis...sad mi palo na pamet...mozda sam ja to danas skakao po sobi jer sam popio 4 kave??? Hm...sad sam zabrinut...al ipak...MAA NEEEE!!! Pa ja svaki dan popijem 4 kave! Znaci ipak nije kava to...:-D p.p.s. Ove ljubavne pjesme su samo odraz mojih zelja!:-D Koja ljiga, ha?? :-D |
22.10.2004., petak
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But what if I told her that she was the only thing that I could love in this dying world? But the simple word of 'love' itself already died and went away... ******************** moj najpametniji update ******************** Svima koji zalutaju ovamo savjetujem slijedece: Maknite ovaj blog sa svojih ekrana jer to je blog obicnog idiota! Koji je sinoc izasao van s namjerom da se napije! A nije se napio. Koji je mislio da ce zaboraviti! A nije zaboravio. Koji bi volio iz sveg glasa vikati - pun mi kurac svega! A suti. Koji bi volio nestati! A ne moze. I koji bi volio sada reci da gasi ovaj blog! A ne moze. Jos ne. |
20.10.2004., srijeda
Da...reko sam da idem leci...pa sam legao. Al zaspati nisam mogo. Pa sam reko da cu nabit slusalice i navit. I jesam. I onda mi se dogodio M.Manson - Tourniquet. A cijeli dan mi u kurcu. Skroz. Svi su nadrkani! A ja onda jos i vise!! I onda se zatvorim i sutim. Od 17h pa do sad...nisam ni rijec progovorio. I razmisljam. I onda sam jos vise u kurcu! Jer uvijek skuzim da sve radim krivo! I sjebavam se iznova. Uvijek!! Pa jel cu se ja ikad prestat vrtit u krug??? Ocu kurac! Takva mi fakin narav. Kazem uvijek da imam ovisnicku narav. Jer imam...samo sto se nikad na drogu nisam nakacio. Nego na kavu, cigarete, stvari, osobe...sve! I onda ludim kad mi nesto od toga fali!! Ja se mogu tako vezat za cipele npr. da si onda u svim drugim izgledam glupo. I onda ih nosim do besvijesti! Eto. Takvog me mater rodi. Da joj bar mogu zamjerit nesto...al ne mogu...nije ona kriva. Jebga. Ja sam kriv...uvijek...zauvijek. Volim te mama. Al nije mi lako. Sori. She's made of hair and bone and little teeth, And things I cannot speak. She comes on like a crippled plaything, Spine is just a string. I wrapped our love in all this foil, Silver-tight like spider legs. I never wanted it to ever spoil, but flies will lay their eggs. Take your hatred out on me, Make your victim my head. You never ever believed in me, I am your tourniquet. Prosthetic synthesis with butterfly, Sealed up with virgin stitch. If it hurts baby, please tell me, Preserve the innocence. I never wanted it to end this way, But flies will lay their eggs Take your hatred out on me, Make your victim my head. You never ever believed in me, I am your tourniquet. What I wanted. What I needed. I got from me. What I wanted. What I needed. I got from me. Take your hatred out on me, Make your victim my head. You never ever believed in me, I am your tourniquet. Take out! Take out! From me. I am your tourniquet. Not even I believed in me, I am your tourniquet. |
18.10.2004., ponedjeljak
Evo mene vise. Nekako sam u zadnje vrijeme zauzet raznoraznim stvarima:-)...pa ne stignem nesto napisat a i nemam bas inspiracije...ma ne...lazem sad...imam inspiracije:-)...ali ne za blog...nego za...nes drugo...nda... Al jebga sad...citam malo postove...pa sve nes jesenski...onak...romanticno...pa velim ja sebi - de i ti napisi nes takvoga! I onda mi moj ja veli - ok, znam sta cu napisat! Pa evo...kad vec Pepe dere po romantiki...a Mjau mi mijauce umiljato...ili ljuto:-)...ne znam...Enivej, trebim ja neki dan 37kg (!!!) kestena...i donese sister jedan cd. Pa krene...(mislim nije to pocetak al tek sam tu skuzio sta je to...i onda mi krene mozak prevrtat po sjecanjima...) Toliko dugih godina uzimanja, davanja Ostajem posljednji i prvi Zbog tebe sanjam cigane i smišljam slatke prevare Al đavo se ne predaje Ti si mi u krvi Ako te odvedu, cigani čergari Ili te ukradu strašni haremski čuvari Ako te odvedu ja ću da poludim Bez tebe ne umijem jutrom više da se budim Ako te odvedu sve će da se sruši Pamti me ko prijatelja čuvaj me u duši I onda, kad misliš da je prekasno za snove, za sve Nda...e ovako je to bilo...ja sam imo 6 godina. A ona godinu manje. U vrticu. A ja sam tih dana toliko puta cuo tu pjesmu...da mi se upila, ono, skroz... i onda sam ja to pjevao (njoj...ofkors...onak diskretno:-) ) I to je prva pjesma koje se ja sjecam. Uopce. I koju sam jako volio. Ma fak!! I danas ju volim! (i sad bi se moji BIVSI 'prijatelji' darkeri poceli krizat...i to naopako vjerojatno...jer meni dobra stvar od Zdravka Colica!) Da...ima tu jos nesto...naime...ona je bila crnka...sjecam se i danas njezine duge CRNE kose...i kolko mi to onda mutilo pamet! I ostalo do danas. Jos uvijek me crnke izludjuju...jako...aha... A shit! Nisam vec dugo molio. Pa ajde sad...Boze...ako mozes ikako...posalji mi crnku!!! Hoces li?? Pliiiiz! Necu vise nista traziti od Tebe...stvarno...:-) I nadam se da crnka na gornjoj slici nece zamjerit sto se evo nasla na mom blogu...ako vidi uopce...ma znam da nece...a ionako ju ni rodjeni otac ne bi tu prepoznao... Pozdrav svima a posebno svim crnokosim blogericama i ne-blogericamaI Evo me veceras malo kod Vas:-). |
12.10.2004., utorak
Daklem, ovo je post za moj gusht only:-). Zapravo i nije post...samo dio biografije jednog benda koji...a ne znam...najezi me svaki put! I vidim neki dan da izdaju novi album...pa se razveselim k'o bebac... Eto, to ja njima dugujem jer...jebga...puno mi znace...a ujedno su i najcitiraniji na ovom mom blogu (i zasluzni za onaj moj 'Zashto pishem' sastrane..:-) ). Pa evo... "London After Midnight was formed in the 1990s by Sean Brennan and has gained a large and loyal following all over the world, from the USA to Europe to Latin America (where they have toured extensively) and beyond. The band has headlined and co-headlined concerts and major festivals with bands like The Cure, Green Day, HIM (HIM has cited LAM a favorite artist), Rammstein, Soft Cell, and many more. Still, the band maintains a strong underground and independent "personality" despite being top sellers (charting in the top 10 European DAC charts) and a major draw at music festivals year after year. Songwriter and founder Sean Brennan is known for his strong stances in favor of animal rights, pro-environmental and human rights issues, anti-corporate control of media, and progressive, liberal politics. Despite these "weighty" sounding interests, the music Sean Brennan writes can range from the intensely personal, to simply emotional and romantic, to the much deeper subjects more reflective of society as a whole (listen to the new music!). Whatever the approach or subject matter, the music of London After Midnight is deeply touching, powerful, romantic and emotional, disturbing, haunting, danceable, even morbidly funny (listen to "Your Best Nightmare" and try not to think of an Edward Gorey cartoon), all while appealing to a wide variety of people. There really is no classification that fits London After Midnight (despite the band's image) because the music is so varied, and the lyrical content (and even the band's personality and "causes") are fairly unique and uncommon in today's music scene, often breaking boundaries- much to the outrage of people who live and die by genre labels. LAM shuns all labels (as any artist worth their salt will do) and the music can really only be classified as "London After Midnight". the band includes Tamlyn (keyboard) and Michael Areklett (bass). These members have been in the band since 1990 (Sean and Tamlyn) to early 1992 (Michael). In 2001 LAM reunited with their original guitarist Edward Hawkins and was joined by new drummer, Joe S. LAM began performing in Los Angeles in 1990 at the legendary LA club Helter Skelter. LAM immediately began to draw large crowds and always had elaborate stage settings including several TVs playing bizarre video clips and stage props that could have come from the Universal Studios backlot, all made by Sean Brennan with help from Tamlyn and guitarist Eddie Hawkins. Needless to say the extreme stage settings (some of which included a huge 30 by 40 foot realistic spiders web hung above the stage made by Brennan and Hawkins- not pictured) attracted as much attention as the band's music which soon grew in popularity. So much so that the original 4 song demo cassette tape released in 1991-1992 was the hottest selling item in Hollywood's trendy Melrose ave indie record stores, even beating out new releases from Duran Duran and other major bands. For 2 years the most sought after item LA area club kids searched for in record stores was the LAM cassette tape. Signs hung in record store windows proclaiming "yes we have LAMs tape IN STOCK". Stores from as far away as Australia ordered repeated shipments of the tape each month to meet demand. The band released "Selected Scenes from the End of the World" in 1992, creating as much mania as the first demo release. The band began to sell out clubs like Helter Skelter and began more frequent performances at The Whisky a Go Go and Roxy club, where the Sunset strip "rocker" scene saw LAM's success and sold out concerts, and began to emulate London After Midnight, helping to turn the mostly rock and glam Sunset scene into a darker more alternative scene. Several bands which a few months earlier were glam and rock suddenly became LAM clones overnight after seeing how well the band was received.  In 1996 the band released "Psycho Magnet" with Apocalyptic Vision. The album, in part a reflection of the insanity and jealousy LAM's popularity generated in some LA area club kids, while also a very personal piece of work, went on to become even more popular than the previous releases and led to the band being booked for several tours which took them all over Europe and the UK, Mexico and select major cities in the USA performing to tens of thousands of people. The band also headlined major German festivals like the well known Zillo Magazine Festival which had Siouxsie and the Banshess headlining the previous year. The band also found themselves in all the major European music magazines, on glossy covers in every European newsstand with the likes of Nine Inch Nails and Metalica. LAM has been known as a band of "firsts." Always trying something different and new, and never content to be just another band. Often classified by the press as an industrial, deathrock or gothic band, they break all the "rules" of those scenes and create their own strong identity and sound, and reject any label put upon them. Songwriter Sean Brennan's influences and musical passions range from big band to T-Rex,Iggy Pop, the Doors, pre 1980s David Bowie, to trance and Drum & Bass, old NY punk, composers like Bernard Herrmann and everything in between. He takes pride in the fact that London After Midnight does not fit into any category, saying "I don't want LAM to be clones of someone else. We shun labeling. We are artists, and the whole thing about creating is bringing something into existence that was not there before. So when you create something and put a label on it, it defeats the purpose and takes away the uniqueness of the art." (Sean Brennan- excerpt from German radio interview) LAM is not goth, they aren't dark wave, they aren't industrial... they are simply London After Midnight, and that seems enough for their very devoted fans. LAM is recording the 4th CD which is scheduled for release soon. The tremendous response the new material received when performed at recent concerts shows the new CD will be warmly welcomed by new and old fans alike." ...I am thunder I am rain I am pleasure I am pain Only in darkness can there be light Tell me angel have you prayed tonight? Burning darkness red ecstasy Pull me closer and make me bleed... |
09.10.2004., subota
Life...
Nda...evo i mene. Da se napise nesto...normalno?? I tako, hodam ja danas fakin Zagrebom (uvijek je Zagreb kod mene 'fakin' jer ga neee vooleeeem...), dodjem do mjesta di trebam nes obavit, obavim to i... i sta onda?? A nis...skuzim da moram jos ubit puno vremena u Gradu jerbo sam se bio nes dogovorio... Enivej, nis...na kavu mi se ne da...a i kratak sam (s parama, jebemu... nemoj mi sad neko nes pametno izvalit...:-)) ). Po cd-shopovima (di sam nekad sate provodio!!) mi se ne da...i opet sam kratak. I odem onda do jed(i)nog mjesta u Gradu koje volim. Stvarno volim. A i sjecanja neka su tamo negdje...ispod kestena onih...da... Enivej (jebote!! mrzim kad se krenem sjecat tako!), Trg Francuske republike ili...kako ga ja (ma zapravo svi koje znam) zovem 'Na Republike Austrije'. I sjednem na klupicu jednu. Ispod kestena. I covjece... pa osjecam se dobro!! Ono, skroz me iznenadilo!! Neocekivano skroz! I tolko mi dobro...sjedim gledam...i bas me briga sta kesteni svako malo padnu metar, dva od mene. Bas me briga! Jebga, to je jedan od onih trenutaka u zivotu (danu) kada ti je sve ok. A da mi i padne nes na glavu..pa sta!? Padalo mi svasta vec (na glavu ofkors...:-)) ). A volim mjesto jer...iza ledja mi zgrada (zaledje). A ispred veeelika povrsina...trava...ljudi setaju cucke... I sve imas u vidokrugu. Nista te ne moze iznenaditi. I mirno je. Tiho cak. Ugodno, vrlo ugodno. Ljudi, bas sam gust'o tamo! Cigara-dvije...ah...jos fali neka mazilica ofkors, pa da malo isprepletemo ruke i noge...:-)... ali, bilo mi i ovak 'ebeno dobro. Nakon dugo, duuugoooo vremena! Nda... E ali onda......onda sam morao krenut...pa sa starcima u XXX (he, he...)...pa se malo pokace...klasika - 'kak vozis to?? pa kaj ga nisi videl?? - pa kada sam gledal ni bilo nikog... a kaj sad?? sad pol sata moras...itd...itd... Ma nis strasno al, jebga...'udarac u glavu me brutalno dovlaci svijesti...' (reko bi Djoni). Eto. No, sve ok. Odspavo pol dana nakon toga. I sad sam opet ap. I ok je. Tako da danas, dragi moji blog-frendovi, nece bit nikakve depresivke! Pa se vi cudite. Osim ove minijature...to mi ko osobna mantra dodje...:-) Every minute of the future is the memory of the past... Life Is Life Opet jedna mala nadopuna. Nis zapravo...playlista je ovakva... Ramones - I want you around Ramones - I'm affected Ramones - Needles&pins Ramones - She's a sensation Ramones - Swallow my pride Bauhaus - She's in parties David Bowie - Life on Mars Depeche Mode - I feel you Garbage - Only happy when it rains Killing Joke - Love like blood The Mission - Tower of strenght The Sisters Of Mercy - Body and soul London After Midnight - Where good girls go to die Marilyn Manson - Fundamentaly loathsome Mizar - Glas Mizar - Da peam pesna Nick Cave&The Bad Seeds - The loom of the land Pearl Jam - I am mine REM feat. Patty Smith - E-bow the letter Siouxsie&The Banshees - Face to face Sonic Youth - White cross Sonic Youth - In the kingdom#19 The Cure - Boys don't cry The Jesus And Merry Chain - Happy when it rains The Smiths - How soon is now U2 - I will follow Frank Sinatra - My way ...nda...eto...sa njima se druzim sljedecih sat-dva...mozda mi se neko pridruzi...:-)...svi dobrodosli...i pjevajte sa mnom... idem sad jos pogledat jel imam kakav mejl jer...zadnjih dana nisam uopce gledao.. Citamo se veceras...doci cu vam svima u posjetu...:-) ************************************************************************************* Ovo mi je vec postala losa navika. Nadopunjavanje. Jebga... al obecajem, ovo je zadnja nadopuna na ovaj post. Da...znam...nije to u redu ali...jebiga... Ma jebemti ICQ...i www...e-mail...jebemti tokove misli sta se tako lako prekidaju...jer ne sluze nicem!!...osim da nas sjebu do kraja!!! Fak! Eto, necu vise... What on earth went wrong Just tell me what went wrong Can't understand just how you feel I know the end is near But I no longer fear That what we had was so unreal Why can't you feel this? You had to know How could you steal this? Let me break you You made it all so mad Love or control gone bad It seems to me you don't play fair I've come to know your kind Through innocence then blind Believed in something that was never there... Why can't you feel this? You had to know How could you steal this? Why can't you feel this? You had to know How could you steal this? Let me break you Baj pipl, si ju ven aj si ju... |
04.10.2004., ponedjeljak
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In her place one hundred candles burning as saulty sweat drips drips from her breast Her hips move and I can feel what they're saying, swaying They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get... Black lipstick stains her glass of red wine I am your servant, may I light your cigarette? Those lips smooth, yeah I can feel what you're saying, praying They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get... I beg to serve, your wish is my law Now close those eyes and let me love you to death Shall I prove I mean what I'm saying, begging I say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get... Let me love you too Let me love you to death Hey am I good enough for you? Am I? Am I? Am I good enough for you? Eto, takav je filing. Pa kad je vec tu...neka bude. ******************************************* Dodir draga, ne vjerujem bas da ikome vise mogu biti dobar. Bar ne onako kako bi htio. Jebga. Kad mi Vakula ne zna rec prognozu za...mene...sve mi nes' u kurcu! :p draga, dont fakin nou! Nis ti vise ne znam. Ak nes' znam onda je to da se vrlo glupo osjecam. A da me pitas ne bi ti pravo ni znao rec zasto. A mozda i bi...al nije mi Bog dao da zivim tolko da bi stigo sve rec...pa necu. Eto, zato i ova blasfemicna nadopuna. Nije da tak mislim al nekad se pitam - ZASTO??? Fak!!! Is this life, this degradation? This pointless game, humiliation, Born to die, we're born to lose and not one choice we make we choose, And when this life is at an end we find that death's our only friend, Must we suffer through your games, oh Lord? Can God really be so bored? We waste our lives destroying, hating while beneath our flesh a skull lies waiting, Blind to beauty and to love we fear our loving Lord above, Some live life just to play their games, some live as victims, gone insane, Your experiment oh Lord has failed and I trust that when we meet you will forgive us! It's futile so I'll end this note and find a knife and slit my throat, and come to track you down oh Lord, You better watch your back, be sure that when we meet you'll be surprised, No loving praise, no glee filled cries, just hate and pain and tear filled sighs, And the question in the end is "WHY"? ******************************************** Jebga...opet ona faza kad se nema nis pametnog i veselog za rec...pa se samo nadopunjuje...a ovaj put ni slika nemam jer su mi fakin vindouzi napravili pizdariju...sori dragi ljudi...ak nekom ide na nerve...nek okrene pogled...a sta cu ja!?? Pale and Dark and Tortured Blue, behind a veil you find serenity. I guess that's something we share, violently fading into nothing to find peace, or escape it. Curious, majestic black strands cover you entirely, yet I may there. Always being tested, an eternal game that must leave your soul in shreds, as it does mine. You have my sympathy, but forget about everything just for tonight for this moment in life, this moment in time could be your first, or your last. You abandoned hope long ago, you abandoned love, or it abandodned you, but now is the time for beauty, violent beauty so pure it's scary, the past is over, this is something new, altogether alien, exotic, and welcome, erasing what came before, with a blink of her amazing eyes... ********************************************* Nda...kao sto to rece neko u jednom filmu koji sam gled'o nedavno...'...this is me at my most masochistic.'...da...jebga... I sense there's something in the wind That feels like tragedy's at hand And though I'd like to stand by him Can't shake this feeling that I have The worst is just around the bend And does she notice My feelings for her? And can she see? How much she means to me I think it's not to be What will become of my dear friend? Where will his actions lead us then? Although I'd like to join the crowd In their enthusiastic cloud Try as I may It doesn't last And will we ever End up together? No I think not It's never to become For I am not the one |
02.10.2004., subota
Pricica jedna. Prije 12-13 godina kupio sam jedne hlace. To je bilo jos vrijeme kad sam sa materom kupovao. Ja sam uvijek tocno znao sto zelim nositi. I uvijek sam znao kako zelim izgledati. Zelio sam ono u cemu cu se JA dobro osjecati, bez obzira na nekakve trendi pizdarije. Ali ne moze se uvijek naci bas to sto se zeli. I svako malo dogodi se da dobijes ono sto zapravo nisi htio. A takve su bile te hlace. Zapravo, sve je sa njima bilo u redu osim sto su bile za broj prevelike (presiroke). Nije velika razlika ali ja se u njima nisam osjecao onako kako sam htio. I par dana nakon toga otisao sam u isti ducan i kupio nove, broj manje. I bile su savrsene. I koliko god se to cini glupo, protiv svake logike (jer sam jedne hlace zapravo platio dvostruko, one prve nisam vise nikad obukao) meni je imalo smisla, jer to je ono STO SAM JA HTIO! Nema veze sto sam spizdio pare bezveze, sto sljedecih dana nisam imao ni pare u novcaniku – ja sam zelio bas to! I uzeo. Iako su mi svi rekli da nisam normalan, da se to ne radi tako, da treba malo promisliti prije ili drugim rijecima, da ne mogu samo napraviti sto pozelim bez razmisljanja o posljedicama. Some people get by with a little understanding some people get by with a whole lot more I don't know why you gotta be so undemanding one thing I know I want more! - Ne moze se uvijek imati sto se pozeli. Treba razmisliti o posljedicama. Sto ce biti poslje toga? Makar se cini da to nije toliko vazno ipak treba razmisliti da li se to isplati... - Ali zasto je to tako?? Zasto ja to ne bih imao? A sto ako ja to TREBAM imati? Ako ne prodje dan, sat, minuta a da ne pomislim na to? Makar znam da to 'ne smijem'. Da nije u redu. Prema drugima makar. Ako mislim da imam pravo na to. Da li ce mi onda pomoci ako si stalno ponavljam – ne, ne smijes! ne mozes! nije u redu! kostat ce te puno! Ma...cak iako i sam znam da je veliki dio toga istina, sto napraviti kada ja to stvarno zelim? BEZ OBZIRA NA POSLJEDICE! Sto onda!?? E jeb'ga... life's a bitch! Can you see? See into the back of a long, black car pulling away from a funeral of flowers with my hand between your legs melting... |
