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Opis bloga

I have a demon inside me.
And he likes to play.
My mind is his sanctuary.
My Pandemonium.

Linkovi

Blog.hr
Forum.hr
Monitor.hr


Nightwish
Full albums download
Brian Joubert Discussion Group

Eruanna
Libertine Noir
SHIVA-the destroyer
...Nightwish...
Akasha

They help me make yet another step forward

Without music I would be long gone

















A true bookworm















and so many more..

Movies that I can't stop watching (over and over again):

The story of a fallen

A dreamer.
The best description of who I am.
Don't belong in this world, yet I exist.
But, to more earthly subjects....
I'm 21 years old, a student...
Fighting my battles with exams,
Some lost, some... not.
My passions are: music, books, movies,
figure-skating (just for watching, I can't skate).
One man made me fall in love in figure-skating: Brian Joubert




His name is Joubert, Brian Joubert


I love: nature, walks, birds, cats, grey colour, snowdrops, winter, smell of fire and burning wood, puffy clouds, stars, moon, movie music (LotR rules), coffee, colours of sunrise and sunset, a touch of wind on my face, morning fog at the egde of a forest, summer rain, smell of pine,lemons, early morning birds song, a feeling after I read a good book, my comp, mp3, my room(my realm), my twisted mind and believe it or not, writing stories or poems (when my inspiration grace me with it's presence, mostly not, but sometimes....)

Look at me
See my sorrow
Touch my face
Take my sadness away
Stop those tears
That are falling on the ground
Hold my hand
Stand by me
Be my support
If I'm alone I will brake apart
Love me with the same fire
As I love you
Look at me
Take my sorrow away.

Slaying The Dreamer

I'm a priest for the poorest sacrifice
I'm but a raft in a sea of sorrow, sorrow and greed
You bathed feet in my wine
Drank from my cup, mocked my rhyme
Your slit tongues licked my aching wounds

Put a stake! Through my heart
And drag me into sunlight
So awake! For your greed
As you're slaying the dreamer

Swansong for the Witch of Night
God it hurts, give a name to the pain
Our primrose path to hell is growing weed

Put a stake! Through my heart
And drag me into sunlight
So awake! For your greed
As you're slaying the dreamer

Blame me, it's me
Coward, a good-for-nothing scapegoat
Dumb kid, living a dream
Romantic only on paper

Tell me why! You took all that was mine!
Stay as you lay - don't lead me astray!

Wake up! Mow the weed!
You'd be nothing without me!
Take my life if you have heart, heart to die!

You bastards tainted my tool
Raped my words, played me a fool
Gather your precious glitter and leave me be!
The Great Ones are all dead
And I'm tired, too

I, truly, hate, you, all!





Beyond Redemption


Oh I see your scars I know where they're from
So sensually carved and bleeding until you're dead and gone
I've seen it all before beauty and splendour torn
It's when heaven turns to black and hell to white
Right so wrong and wrong so right

Now

Feel it turning your heart into stone
Feel it piercing your courageous soul
Beyond now - redemption
No one's gonna catch you when you fall

Oh I see you crawl you can barely walk
With arms wide open you keep on begging for more
I've been there before knocking on the same door
It's when hate turns to love and love to hate
Faith to doubt and doubt to faith

Now

Feel it turning your heart into stone
Feel it piercing your courageous soul
Beyond now - redemption
No one's gonna catch you when you fall

Feel it turning your heart into stone
Feel it piercing your courageous soul
Beyond now - redemption
No one's gonna catch you when you fall





Romanticide

Godlove and rest my soul
With this sundown neverending
The feel is gone yet you ain`t gonna see me fail
I am the decadence of your world
I am an eider covered in oil
Happy hunting, you double-faced carnivore

Tell me why
No heart to cry
Hang me high

The music is dead, the amen is said
The kiss of faith is what I beg
A loving heart `n soul for sale

Leave me be
And cease to tell me how to feel
To grieve, to shield myself from evil
Leave me be
Od of lies is killing me
Romanticide
Till love do me part

See me ruined by my own creations

Dead Boy`s alive but without sense
I need a near-death experience
Heart once bold
Now turned to stone
Perfection my messenger from hell

Wine turns to water
Campfires freeze, loveletters burn
Romance is lost
Lord, let me be wrong in this pain

Temporary pain, eternal shame
To take part in this devil`s chess game
Spit on me, let go, get rid of me
And try to survive your stupidity






Creek Mary's Blood

Soon I will be here no more
You`ll hear the tale
Through my blood
Through my people
And the eagle`s cry
The bear within will never lay to rest

Wandering on Horizon Road
Following the trail of tears

White man came
Saw the blessed land
We cared, you took
You fought, we lost
Not the war but an unfair fight
Sceneries painted beautiful in blood

Wandering on Horizon Road
Following the trail of tears
Once we were here
Where we have lived since the world began
Since time itself gave us this land


Our souls will join again the wild
Our home in peace `n war `n death

Wandering on Horizon Road...
Following the trail of tears
Once we were here
Where we have been since the world began
Since time itself gave us this land

[Poem in Lakotan:]
Hanhepi iyuha mi ihanbla ohinni yelo
Ňn sunkmanitutankapi hena,
sunkawakanpi watogha hena,
oblaye t`ankapi oihankesni hena
T`at`epi kin asni kiyasni he
akatanhanpi iwankal
Oblaye t`anka kin
osicesni mitakuyepi ňn
Makoce kin wakan
Wakan Tanka kin ňn
Miwicala ohinni - Hanhepi iyuha
kici - Anpetu iyuha kici yelo
Mi yececa hehaka kin yelo, na
ni yececa sunkmanitutankapi
kin ka mikaga wowasaka isom
Uncinpi tuweni nitaku keyas ta k`u
Unwakupi e`cela e wiconi
wanji unmakainapi ta yelo
Anpetu waste e wan olowan
le talowan winyan ta yelo
Unwanagi pi lel e nita it`okab o`ta ye
Untapi it`okab o`ta
Na e kte ena ňn hanska ohakap
ni itansni a`u nita ni ihanke yelo

[Poem English translation:]
"I still dream every night
Of them wolves, them mustangs, those endless prairies
The restless winds over mountaintops
The unspoilt frontier of my kith n`kin
The hallowed land of the Great Spirit
I still believe
In every night
In every day
I am like the caribou
And you like the wolves that make me stronger
We never owed you anything
Our only debt is one life for our Mother
It was a good day to chant this song
For Her

Our spirit was here long before you
Long before us
And long will it be after your pride brings you to your end "



Feel For You

You were my first love
The earth moving under me
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent

I'm the snow on your lips
The freezing taste, the silvery sip
I'm the breath on your hair
The endless nightmare, devil's lair

Only so many times
I can say I long for you
The lily among the thorns
The prey among the wolves

Someday, I will feed a snake
Drink her venom, stay awake
With time all pain will fade
Through your memory I will wade

Barely cold in her grave
Barely warm in my bed
Settling for a draw tonight
Puppet girl, your strings are mine

This one is for you for you
Only for you
Just give in to it never think again
I feel for you







In the Wake

Never knew quite when it stopped
Nor when it began
Just a chain of happenings
Years floating
Days passing by

Falling in and out of madness
Walking on the edge
Pretending
Faking strength
Hiding behind smiles

Never knew quite when it died
Nor when it was torn

Just a chain of bad ideas
Years floating
Days passing by
You may think time stands still, it does not
It disappears
In the wake

Whatever sense it makes
We never learn from our mistakes
Whatever comfort it might bring
Nothingness embraces everything

subota, 19.05.2007.

Is the nightmare over?

I tak jučer je bil je petak, po svemu sudeći očito zadnji dan moje toliko prezrene prakse. cijeli ovaj tjedan sam pakirala obrasce u kuverte (jaaaaako zanimljiv posao) kod kojeg već nakon nekog vremena prebacite se na mehaničko kretanje ne koristeći mozak. uzmi kovretu, uzmi obrazac, presavi obrazac, stavi ga u kuvertu, zatvori kuvertu i opet ispočetka. tak cijeli prošli tjedan. jaaaako zabavno.
I tak jučer su nam rekli (jer više ljudi je radilo na tome, pošto se radilo o oko 5000 pošiljaka) da nas neće trebat sljedeći tjedan, i tak znači da zadnji tjedan prakse ću bit doma, što mi zapravo neće proć u odmaranju već učenju radnog prava (još zabavnije) ali da će nas trebat tjedan poslije, tj. da ćemo mi koji smo radili na pakiranju radit i na primanju i razvrstavanju pošiljaka kad se obracsi vrate ispunjeni ili ne, što znači da ako će me trebat da će mi to bit plaćeno jer službeno meni je praksa zavrišla. možda ipak nekaj ispadne dobro.
Na stranu sve kaj se desilo, ljudi s kojima sam radila su stvarno dobri i pomoći će ti na svakom koraku. Zapravo mislim da nikad još nisam srela ljude koji nevažno kolko puta postavila neko pitanje neće se razljutit na tebe već će ti lijepo odgovorit i objasnit. A očito sam i ja nekaj dobro radila kad žele da ostanem i nakon prakse.
no vidjet ćemo kaj će ispast iz svega toga...


Inače jel jako čudno ak osoba (dobro budimo točniji, ja) želim bit sama, zapravo želim samoću. Mislim da nije. Ja inače jako volim.... ne bi baš rekla mir i tišinu (jer toga nikad nemam) al određenu dozu mirnoće i jednostavno želje da me nitko ne smeta. Zato sam i primijetila kolko me počelo smetat kad netko (većinom susjedi, zapravo njihove kćeri – Bože, nekad mislim da su to mala vrišteća čudovišta stvorena samo da histerično vrište ispod mog balkona)pa čak nekad i moji doma, razbiju taj moj mali mjehurić samoće. Al ono kaj me najviše ljuti i kaj mrzim jest kad drugima na lijep način pokušavam reć da me ostave na miru, da jednostavno trebam mir, al uporno i dalje nastavlja sa uništavanjem onog što bi moglo bit dobro.... nemojte me krivo shvatiti ja volim razgovarat s ljudima (točnije ljudima koji me razumiju, znači frendice) i volim provoditi vrijeme s ljudima koje volim, ali i to ima svoje granice.
Stoga mi nije jasno što, o ćemu, dovraga, ima se razgovarat svaki dan, svaki vražji dan.
I na kraju dođe do toga da jednostavno trebam na grubi i odvratan način nekome dat do znanja da je dosta, neka me ostavi na miru, bar na jedan, jedini dan. Mrzim kad se moram ponašat ko gadura jer to nisam, nit ću ikad bit. A toliko sam već puta morala navuč to toliko prezreno lice samo da sačuvam mali dio sebe koji je samo moj i u koji nitko, baš nitko nema prava ulazit.

Update

I tak danas mi je službeno završila praksa. I vjerovali ili ne, bilo mi žao kaj odlazim. Jer kao što sam već prije napisala žene su stvarno bile super prema meni, al ono kaj me neizmjerno iznenadilo, i to ugodno jest kad sam odlazila dobila sam poklon (zdjelica u obliku srca, puna griotta). Mislim da mi je ta gesta i kad su mi rekli da sam im stvarno pomogla i da se nadaju da ću doć (u vezi onih pošiljaka, još se niš ne zna) tj. da ćemo se još vidjet. I tak to je dovelo do toga da mi je stvarno žao kaj odlazim. Jer ipak dobila sam jedno novo iskustvo, upoznala sam nove ljude i je sve završilo jako dobro i dobila sam jednu ugodnu uspomenu.

Buried at PhotoCasket.com

nedjelja, 06.05.2007.

Uneasy Listening Vol. 2 and elder-tree

I prize the Lord and every saint for allowing humans to invent something so unbelievable as Internet. God, I love Internet.
As you know Uneasy Listening Vol. 2 is out, but I can't buy it. Money problems. (I won't start on that one, oh, my practice of which I already had written, well it won't be paid, after all, so I'm working for 3 months for.... NOTHING!!!!! But I said I won't start so I'm stopping here.) And I doubted that it's already on Internet, but after I talked with my friend I decided to try my luck. Well, for once luck was on my side. I love Full Album Download. So I downloaded it. And. Oh, M Y G O D !!!!!!!!! let's repeat this. O, M O J B O Ž E !!!!!

Some of the songs are more intense then the original, and I liked, no...... I loved it. 'The begginning of the End', I couldn't believe my ears. 'Again', 'Soul on fire'. What am I saying. THE WHOLE ALBUM IS.... The words don't exit to describe what I felt while I was listening the songs. Unbelievengly wonderful fullness in my head. Does this have any sense?
You just have to hear for yourselves. Trust me, you'll enjoy.


Danas smo mama i ja odlučile ič brat bazgu (njen cvijet). I tak lijepo sjednemo mi u auto (ne, nisam ja vozila, ja ne vozim) već moj tata. i tak odpeljali smo se do Jagendine (tam su pretežno njive). Nemrem vam opisat mir koji sam osjećala kad smo došli tam. Priroda. Miris drveća i pjev ptica. Iako i kod mene pjevaju ptičice (ima jedna noćna koja tak predivno pjeva, savršena uspavanka) al ovo je bilo nekaj posebno. već duže vrijeme sam željela tak otić nekam. Jednostavno sjest na bicikl i otić u prirodu, i provest tak cijeli dan. Ležeći na travi, udišući svjež zrak, osjećati kak mi sunce miluje lice, pjev ptičica. Ali... Tata mi je uspio uništit bicikl a drugi nemam pa eto od moje namjere neće bit niš. No da se ja vratim na današnji dan. I tak beremo mi bazgu (koja predivno miriši, usput) kad odjednom počne kukavica kukat. Bilo je tak fora. Šum rijeke, zelenilo, ivančice oko mene, miris bazge, crvrčci i kukanje kukavice. osjećala sam tak..... mirnom. Ko da pripadam tam. Jednostavno nevjerojatan osjećaj.