For my dreams I hold my life

I give up

i koliko god ja pokusavala, koliko god samu sebe uvjeravala da moram ici dalje, znam da cu opet pasti... pokusala sam milijun puta, nikad nisam uspjela.. zadnji put sam samoj sebi rekla da cu ovaj put uspjeti, ali stvarno uspjeti, krenuti dalje.. nekako.. i naravno, nisam uspjela, opet sam pala... odustala nakon par dana jer sam shvatila da to ne mogu ostaviti iza sebe... da neke stvari previse znace i da ih nije moguce ostaviti iza sebe samo tako ili u nekom odredenom vremenskom roku... kazu da vrijeme pomaze. e pa to nije istina, samo se vi tjesite da je, zao mi je, ali to je laz koju je netko izmislio da bi mu bilo lakse.. zato ODUSTAJEM!! oduvijek sam bila slabic, bit cu i ovaj put, umjesto da sam svakim danom sve jaca, ja sam sve slabija i nitko to ne moze promijeniti... ja sam pokusala, a ako ja nisam uspjela ne moze ni itko drugi.. mislim, mozda moze, ali ja vise ne vjerujem u to... buduci da vec ionako svi mislite da sam glupa(niste daleko od istine), necu pisat postove dok ne nadem neku ''vedriju'' temu...npr. kako je danas lijep dan, trebamo se veseliti suncu, budimo sretni sta smo dozivjeli taj dan, bla bla bla...
neke je stvari bolje zadrzati za sebe...


Slipped Away

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

I miss you...


Pocivaj u miru... Znas da si uvijek u mom srcu... Nikada te necu zaboraviti...

30.10.2006. u 11:42 | K | 29 | P | # | ^

sjecanja... zasto uvijek bole?

Da li vam je itko ikada rekao da istina boli? Ja sam se nedavno u to uvjerila... i to na bolan nacin... kad vam jedan trenutak srusi sve dobro sta ste mislili za nekoga... kad shvatite koliko ljudi mogu biti dvolicni... tvrde jedno, a postupaju skroz drukcije... ne znam, mozda se varam, ali ono sta vidim odreduje moje stavove prema nekome...
Istina boli... i to jako... ali jednom je trebate saznati... katkad vam osoba s kojom nikad niste bili nesto posebno dobri otvori oci u vezi necega... samo zato jer se nasla u odredjeno vrijeme na odredjenom mjestu i rekla ono sta je trebala... mozda ono sta vam je netko blizak pokusavao reci, ali nije imao argumente za to...
Jednom cu mozda saznati da sam se prevarila i pozaliti zbog toga... ali previse sam samu sebe uvjeravala u neke stvari za koje vise neznam da li su istinite... a i kojeg smisla ima sve to?
Zivot je sranje, uvijek cu to tvrditi... sjecam se dana kad sam zavrsavala osmi razred... to mi je stvarno bilo najljepse razdoblje u zivotu... moji prijatelji su bili tu... sada s nekima od njih ni ne pricam... sjecam se svakog dana kad bih dosla u skolu svi bi bili nasmijani... djetinjasti... nitko nije znao sta je depra, sta je tuga... On je sjedio iza mene i Jelene... i nasmijavao nas po cijele dane... njega vise nema... nadam se samo da je na nekom lijepom mjestu i da zna da ga svi jako puno volimo i da nam nedostaje... svaki put kad se sjetim na njega ili se smijem ili placem... da ga bar jos jednom mogu vidjeti i reci mu da je najposebnija osoba koju sam upoznala... da bar mogu vratiti vrijeme i ponovno prozivjeti trenutke kad sam se zbog njega doslovno valjala od smijeha... jos nisam prihvatila cinjenicu da ga vise nikada necu vidjeti... njegov odlazak me skroz promijenio, postala sam drukcija osoba...
Htjela bih ponovo prozivjeti neke trenutke koji su mi ostali u lijepom sjecanju... zadnji dan osmog razreda... prvi poljubac... prvi tjedan srednje... trenutke s osobama koje su usle u moje srce i na ruzan nacin otisle iz njega... htjela bih da barem na tren mogu opet zivjeti u iluziji da je sve savrseno, da za svakoga na ovome svijetu postoji prava ljubav...
Jedina stvar u koju jos uvijek vjerujem je da svaka osoba zasluzuje srecu... nitko ne zasluzuje tugu... nitko ne smije patiti...
Neke stvari u svom zivotu bih voljela promijeniti... da se vratim godinu dana unatrag, i da promijenim samo jednu stvar, mozda bi sve bilo puno bolje... ali ne mogu... nema puno stvari za kojima zalim... voljela bih prozivjeti sve to opet da mogu bar jos jednom osjetiti sto je sreca... htjela bih da samo jedan dan ponovno budem u 8. razredu, bez briga, bez tuge...
Jedna stvar koja me jako boli je i ta da su se svi u toj jebenoj srednjoj promijenili... postali su DVOLICNI. Govore jedno, rade drugo... mozda ja mislim da bi svi trebali biti kao ja, imati svoj stav i drzati ga se, a ne osudivati druge zbog necega i onda raditi isto. Ne mislim da je moj stav savrsen ili tako nesto, ali ako nesto kazes onda se tako i ponasaj.
Cini se da je to taj jebeni zivot... ono sta nas okruzuje... neki ne mogu podnijeti sav taj pritisak i promjene i tragedije koje nas okruzuju, pa potonu... alkohol, cigarete, droga... cini se da je to jedino rjesenje svega... na kraju...
Mozda grijesim, ali ispada da se cijeli smisao zivota svodi samo na seks. Zalosno ali istinito. Ljudima je jedino to postalo vazno u zivotu... osjecaji... imamo ih, ali ih potiskujemo...
Cini se da cu morat postat poput drugih... cini se da je to jedini nacin da ne mislim na proslost i na stvari koje me ubijaju... potisnut cu ih... necu vise osjecati... osjecaji ionako nemaju smisla, samo vode do patnje...

20.10.2006. u 17:54 | K | 25 | P | # | ^

never again...

Gledala je u te njegove predivne tamne oci... gledala je i gubila se u njima... ali znala je... znala je da te oci nikad nece biti njezine.. ipak, nije si mogla pomoci, previse ih je voljela... voljela ih je vise od svega, iako one nisu voljele nju...
I tako mu je htjela reci koliko ga voli, htjela ga je zagrliti, osjetiti kako njegovo srce kuca uz njeno, ali nije mogla.. nije imala hrabrosti.. odavno ju je izgubila.. odavno je njega izgubila.. i koliko god se trudila nije si mogla pomoci...
Rijeci jednostavno nisu izlazile iz nje... a tako mu je htjela reci... jedine dvije rijeci koje nikad nije mogla... volim te...



Within Temptation - Somewhere

Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign
Instead there is only silence,
Can't you hear my screams...?
Never stop hoping,
Need to know where you are
But one thing is for sure,
You're always in my heart.
I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The Truth will free my soul.

Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home
I want to embrace you and never let you go
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul...
Living in agony 'cause I just do not know
Where you are

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The Truth will free my soul.

Wherever you are, I won't stop searching.
Whatever it takes, I need to know.

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The Truth will free my soul

09.10.2006. u 16:12 | K | 24 | P | # | ^

Tuga je jedina uvijek tu

Zivot… oko njega se moze mnogo filozofirati… treba mnogo da se stvori, a samo trenutak moze ga prekinuti… prije tocno tjedan dana umrla je jedna cura koju nisam osobno poznavala, vidjela sam je mozda dva puta u zivotu. Iako je nisam poznavala, njena me smrt doslovno shrvala. Zasto? Ne znam. Mozda zato jer sam preosjetljiva na takve stvari… mozda zato jer se njezina smrt mogla sprijeciti… tih dana gledala sam ljude oko sebe, vidim im osmijeh na licu… pokusavam se i ja smijati, ali ne mogu… jednostavno ne mogu… kroz glavu mi prolaze potoci suza koje su njeni bliznji isplakali… I ne mogu se smijati…
Neki mozda misle da svaki put kad se neciji zivot zauvijek ugasi, trebamo nauciti cijeniti ono sto imamo, poceti cijeniti zivot i uzivati u njemu. Ja ne mogu. Kao trebala bih biti sretna jer sam ziva. Ne mogu, jednostavno ne mogu! Svaki put kad umre netko tko ne treba, pitam se, gdje zapravo vodi taj zivot? Zasto bih ja trebala biti sretna? Zato jer umiru ljudi kojima nije vrijeme? Recite vi meni: STO JE TU LIJEPO???? Sto je lijepo u tome da se svaki dan dogadaju tragedije? Mozda sam glupa, ali ja ne mogu cijeniti takav zivot! Ja ne zelim cijeniti takav zivot koji je obavijen tamom i tragedijama. Sto zapravo tu imam cijeniti? Ako netko cijeni patnju, samo neka izvoli. Ja necu.
Svaka cast onima kojima su sretni. Onima koji imaju nesto od tog prokletog zivota. Mozda mislite da sam ogorcena jer nemam ono sto imaju sretni ljudi, pa zato nimalo ne cijenim zivot. Nije tako. Nisam ogorcena na nikoga. Ne petljam se u tude zivote, ne namecem se nikome, svatko neka zivi svoj zivot, sretan ili nesretan. jedino ne mogu i ne zelim voljeti, cijeniti i uzivati u zivotu koji je obavijen samo tragedijama i losim stvarima. Jer samo se to dogada. Cak i ako nam se desi neka lijepa sitnica, sve ono lose ce nadvisiti to lijepo.
Molim vas, nemojte mi pisati da nas svaka losa stvar treba ojacati. Cemu? Da bi nas pripremila na sljedecu losu?
Nekada sam zivjela u nadi da ce mi netko jednom dokazati da imam krivo misljenje o zivotu, da je zivot mozda ipak lijep… ali ta je nada umrla zauvijek... i ne mogu ici dalje, ne mogu pokusat zivjeti jer znam da ce se jednom opet desiti nesto ruzno sta ce me natjerati da se opet povucem u sebe i blokiram sve osjecaje samo da ne patim i ne suosjecam s tudjom patnjom... kad vam tuga postane sastavni dio zivota, onda jednostavno nema drugog izlaza.
Izvolite, mozete mi slobodno pametovati o tome kako je zivot lijep. Ja znam da nije i nitko me nece natjerati da promijenim misljenje.

03.10.2006. u 16:02 | K | 28 | P | # | ^

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Opis bloga

Bas moram pisati taj opis bloga? Dobro, pa... Blog ce, buduci da ga ne pise nitko pametan, biti pun gluposti, mozda mi izleti koja pametna, ali tesko...

jedna od meni najdrazih:

Sleeping Sun

The sun is sleeping quietly
Once upon a century
Wistful oceans calm and red
Ardent caresses laid to rest

For my dreams I hold my life
For wishes I behold my night
The truth at the end of time
Losing faith makes a crime

I wish for this night-time
to last for a lifetime
The darkness around me
Shores of a solar sea
Oh how I wish to go down with the sun
Sleeping
Weeping
With you

Sorrow has a human heart
From my god it will depart
I'd sail before a thousand moons
Never finding where to go

Two hundred twenty-two days of light
Will be desired by a night
A moment for the poet's play
Until there's nothing left to say

I wish for this night-time...

I wish for this night-time...









brojac od 10.6.2006.



MOJ BIJELI LABUDE

I bas me briga
ko te nocas vozi kuci,
briga me

I ako si i sretna ko sto kazes,
mada znam da lazes
sve to ubija me

Hmmm, grlim hladne jastuke
hmmm, moj bijeli labude

I briga me sto nisi mjesec,
a ni sunce, briga me
al' neces moci preko
blatne kaljuze
cista stic' do moje postelje

Hmmm, grlim hladne jastuke

Ref. 2x
Moj bijeli labude
kad me jednom ne bude
sve ce vode, labude
da se razbistre

I bas me briga
ko te nocas vozi kuci,
briga me

I ako si i sretna ko sto kazes,
mada znam da lazes
sve to ubija me

Hmmm, grlim hladne jastuke

Ref. 4x






Ja sam samo jedna luda romanticna dusa kojoj nema spasa... sanjar do boli... ako se ikad promijenim, znaci da mi se nesto gadno desilo... jer nisam osoba koja je sposobna nosit masku...






White Night Fantasy

Enchantress came to me and said:
Meet me at the lake tonight

I hummed this song to the white
Through the shroud of snow I saw
Paradise
Peace
No more lies

Crestfallen soul
Rest for this night
Love is here
Right here under my wings

I dream of wolves with them I run
For me she lengthened the night
I am home
I am in peace

Crestfallen soul
Rest for this night
Love is here
Right here under my wings




Molim vas, pomozite Zeki!!!
(__/)
(O.o)
(> < )
Ovo je Gothik - Sado Mazo - Zeko. Kopirajte ga na svoj blog i tako mu pomognite na njegovom putu do World Domination!!!

Linkovi

Blog.hr
Naj blogovi:
:: marriana ::
Vedrana
Jelena
Marija

unforgettable lady
Amy
heretik
V4MP1R3
Bestia
panic queen
nivblf
ledena kraljica
..kaya..
cat
Lambalicious
Lakeisha
Broken Crystal Doll
honorina
Kika
Laura
Sara
Anita

pjesma za mene:

Papa Roach "Sometimes"

I'm dreamin about tomorrow, I'm thinkin of yesterday, I consume myself in sorrow this moment in time is what I betray, I
am searching for the answers

[Chorus]
I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause I don't know which way to go, I look around sometimes I get sad, 'Cause my life
is spinning out of control

I never know what you want, I never know what you need, it was different from the start, when you cut me in two I never
thought I would bleed, but I am searching for the answers

[Chorus]

I will go this alone I don't need nobody's help, I've got to do this myself, Alone, Alone, Alone, Alone

[Chorus x2]


LET 3 - Dijete u vremenu

Gledam u tuznu jesenju noc
s pokisle grane lisce otpada
u daljini cujem muziku neku
i pitam sebe, gdje li si sada

Ja svakog dana proklinjem sebe
zasto te drugom prepustih lako
pjevao sam pjesme, nad'o se boljem
i bezbroj puta uz gitaru plak'o

Ref.
Nisi me voljela u ono vrijeme
a ja sam zelio samo jedno
sad kada nismo mi mladi k'o nekada
dodji da ostarimo zajedno

Da li jos pamtis ljubavi moja
kako smo ruze zajedno brali
gdje li si sada mladosti moja
zasto su tebe od mene ukrali

Achtung, Achtung
ein animalischen sex
mit die zwei penzioneren
sport und elegantisch

Oder extravagantisch
atention, atention
für die grosse erektion
liebe Penis, liebe zwei
liebe sex abnormal

Nisi me voljela u ono vrijeme
a ja sam zelio samo jedno...
nisi me voljela u ono vrijeme
a ja sam zelio samo jedno
sad kada nismo mi mladi ko nekada
dodi da ostarimo zajedno...



EPICA Dance Of Fate

When darkness will reign and blind us all

When darkness will reign and blind us all
Allegiance will bind us if we do not fall

We cannot tell when morning comes
Is there a choice to live another day?
It's hard to find a new direction in your fragile life

The precious time of your existence is now to come
Don't throw your life away by cheating time
Sugared placebos only fool your mind

Now I want the water to wash away all my sins
The wind to blow away my thoughts without meaning
The fire to burn away my thickened skin

When darkness will reign and blind us all
Allegiance will bind us if we do not fall

Novas portas pandimus

What is this pace, the type of dance?
I cannot tell which steps I have to take
I'd like to leave, just run away
My feet are tangled up

So hard to face the pace of the clock
What do you think; will it ever stop?
So will I fall and not get up?
I take it all in stride

Now I want the water to wash away all my sins
The wind to blow away my thoughts without meaning
The fire to burn away my thickened skin

Everything has a reason for its happening
Can't you tell it's your own spell and
Everyone has to dance this dance like anyone
Can't break free of destiny

We should open new doors and
Close the ones that we've left behind

Now I want the water to wash away all my sins
The wind to blow away my thoughts without meaning
The fire to burn away my thickened skin

When darkness will reign and blind us all
Allegiance will bind us if we do not fall

Novas portas pandimus
Et post nos occludimus


Nightwish - Feel For You

You were my first love
The earth moving under me
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent

I'm the snow on your lips
The freezing taste, the silvery sip
I'm the breath on your hair
The endless nightmare, devil's lair

Only so many times
I can say I long for you
The lily among the thorns
The prey among the wolves

Someday, I will feed a snake
Drink her venom, stay awake
With time all pain will fade
Through your memory I will wade

Barely cold in her grave
Barely warm in my bed
Settling for a draw tonight
Puppet girl, your strings are mine

This one is for you for you
Only for you
Just give in to it never think again
I feel for you


Nightwish - Dead Gardens

The story behind the painting I drew is already told
No more tearstains on the pages of my diary
Tired but unable to give up since I`m
Responsible for the lives I saved

The play is done
The curtain`s down

All the tales are told
All the orchids gone
Lost in my own world
Now I care for dead gardens

My song is little worth anymore
Time to lay this weary pen aside

The play is done
The curtain`s down

"Where are the wolves, the underwater moon
The elvenpath, the haven of youth
Lagoons of the starlit sea

Have I felt enough for one man`s deed?
Or is it time to challenge the Ancient of Days
And let the virgin conceive"

All the tales...



Cradle of filth - Nymphetamine

Lead to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A 'V'' of black swans
On with hope to the grave
All through Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your lowliness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, a vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, nymphetamine
Nymphetamine girl
Nymphetamine, nymphetamine
My nymphetamine girl

Wracked with your charm
I am circled like prey
Back in the forest
Where whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt

Fold to my arms
Hold their mesmeric sway
And dance her to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your holiness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, a vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better
Nymphetamine

Sunsetter
Nymphetamine (Nymphetamine)
None better
Nymphetamine



KORN - Thoughtless

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down
I wanna see you try to take a swing at me
Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
I'm above you, smiling at you, drown, drown, drown
I wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me
And I'll pull the trigger
And you're down, down, down

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

All my friends are gone, they died (gonna take you down)
They all screamed, and cried (gonna take you down)

I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
Gonna take you down

[repeat 2x]

I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body back against the...

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming
All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming






Missing

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

[Chorus:]
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

[Chorus]

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

[Chorus]