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Down this road
Henry Rollins wrote a song called Thursday afternoon but I cannot use that one today. Still, I'll copy one part for you. I love Henry's lyrics, it's like he asked me what to write. Please let me see the faults my ego denies me Don't let me grow so tall, I forget the ground beneath me Don't let me forget that satisfaction has no friends That glory's only fleeting - already gone I've wasted so much time I'm trying to get it straight in my mind Don't let me think it's love, when it's only just obsession I've spent so many nights punching that wall Show me the difference between decision and denial I want to know why I ask why Let me see my confusion for exactly what it is Don't let me make my rage a tool of regret Allow me to sidestep my frustration and hostility And the violence that comes to me so easily, too easily I am getting older and hopefully wiser but I still cannot figure out many many things. This list is getting bigger with time which is just the opposit of what I would want. Rebound is on my mind constantly. Thank God that I'm going to leave Zagreb for a while so I could have some time to think...or not think at all. Heavy thinking is always too much. So, what the hell is rebound anyway? According to Wikipedia, it is a period of time following a particularly painful break-up. What does “period of time” stand for? Is this like mourning without a dress code? No white shoes, huh? Is this something everyone has to have or only we, the weak ones? As my little Austrian friend said: Sometimes I wish I was so damn arrogant that I could just say fuck you and bye bye! That would be best, but normally it never happens. Is there a rule how people should act in that period? Are we supposed to meet someone new and hurt them because we’re hurt? SelFISH, no? Is that necessary in order to move on? Is a rebound significant other really significant? What does moving on really mean? How will we know that rebound is really over in order to proceede with our lives? And when it’s finally over, does that mean that we have healed? Do we ever? In my book, all of the stuff I have written above is such crap. This rebound thing is such waste of time. A break-up is painful itself, it sucks all the joy of life out of us. We’re unhappy, have things on our minds 24/7 and are not fun to anybody and just horror for ourselves. We do the reconstruction of events and irrational self-analyzing that have never done anything good to anyone. We can pretend that we’re dealing with it just fine for some time, at work, among friends etc. but still we’re so dry and torrid inside. News flash: time is not waiting for us. So our days pass… I think that we need some help to heal. We need someone to save us!! Rebound will not do the trick, neither will time itself. But someone will. We just have to be careful while searching for the one who can save us and if we find them, we should let them in. Who knows, maybe we are meant to save somebody. Looking forward to your Facebook comments, I’m off to London! Kippis! |