päiväkoti

25.10.2006., srijeda

THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE THAN THIS BUT I JUST CAN'T FIND IT!

LET ME SEE MY CONFUSION FOR EXACTLY WHAT IT IS
DON'T LET ME MAKE MY RAGE A TOOL OF REGRET
ALLOW ME TO SIDESTEP MY FRUSTRATION AND HOSTILITY
AND VIOLENCE THAT COMES TO ME SO EASILY, TOO EASILY!
Henry Rollins

A great book was published recently here in Zagreb. It is a diary written by Henry Rollins which is called: Get in the Van: On the Road with Blag Flag. The book documents the time surrounding Henry’s personal introduction to and joining of Black Flag. He writes about the string of violent shows, long hours on the road, and abuse by police. A major part is dedicated to the band’s first tour in England. Henry describes the band as being alienated by its audience and alienates himself from the band. Also he writes about the effects his experiences with Black Flag had on him and the time immediately following the band’s breakup. I was truly and completely into Henry Rollins in my late teen years. Girlies are into guys like that…you’re a sissy if you’re into sissies, right? It is so unfair that Henry was never that famous around here. He completely deserve the fame since he is a singer, songwriter; spoken word artist, book author, actor, what have you…
I just went through the book, I did not read it yet. Sanjin is reading it and he said that the guy is insane. Maybe so, but he was my teen idol and I still feel a great amount of respect. He writes great lyrics, it is plain truth! Great lyrics are written mostly by people who have some serious issues with themselves. It would be just boring if he would write about roses and sunshine…he writes about things that you can relate to at the age of 28 also. While reading parts of that diary you get the impression that he’s an antisocial guy, usually pissed and unsatisfied with the world around him, but most of the time just tired. All in all, I would say he is charming and definitely improves with age.

Luckily for me, the editor of the book is one of my oldest friends. He also did the translation of the book and he is a Henry Rollins fan. He is the one of cca 3 married persons my age that I know. Not only married, he is also expecting a baby (well, his wife is) in few months. Čestitke, čestitke!! He does some serious business and he already made some quite successful projects happen. It is all because of his Vietkong roots.
Anyway, if you come across the book I wrote about, read it! Especially if you’re into alternative music. Also, in series A of biblioteka Brijačnica you can find biographies: Tom Waits, R.E.M., Narcocorrido and Metallica.

DON'T LET ME THINK IT'S LOVE
WHEN IT'S ONLY JUST OBSESSION
I'VE SPENT SO MANY NIGHTS PUNCHING THAT WALL
SHOW ME THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DECISION AND DENIAL
I WANT TO KNOW WHY I ASK WHY?
Henry Rollins

- 21:09 - Print text! - #

23.10.2006., ponedjeljak

AIN'T NO SUNSHINE WHEN HE'S GONE

"Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest are not bad people, they are just acquaintances." Jay Leno
In connection to that quote, I need to say that I am really happy that I have quite few of those who would/did take me to the airport. I am aware how lucky I am especially now when my freinds came everyday for the past week to dogsit while I was at work. Thank you sooo much you wonderful people!
I put the pic of the bearded guy who is still a clandestino in Portugal, doing something of himself, soon to be a gospon čovek! I do miss the bearded guy!

- 23:19 - Print text! - #

22.10.2006., nedjelja

ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

I had a horror situazione half an hour ago. I went to walk the dog and in the park, where it's pretty dark because there's no real lightning, bunch of crows were flying above me screaming like hell, what a horror. It was a serious Alfred Hichock situazione.
However, some news: I finished my massage session yesterday. It lasted 5 x 1,5 h and it supposed to make my spine situazione better. I am not disappointed but I was hoping for better results. When I came there, the masseuse was telling me that everything will fall to its place and I will do stuff like before without any bounds. Yesterday she said that she advises me not to train seriously...if I chose to train, I should not fall down and I should not do any quick moves. It is not that I was a world champion but what the fuck: you train or you don't!! If I would have to sit down everytime those guys there would do something serious I would feel like I was on the outside looking in. There are quite few better feelings than that one! I still have not decided what to do. I will make a pause until december, do some therapy and then probably attend the Christmas seminar, since it is in Zagreb.

WASTED YEARS

From the coast of gold, across the seven seas,
I'm travellin' on, far and wide
But now it seems, I'm just a stranger to myself,
And all the things I sometimes do,
it isn't me but someone else

I close my eyes, and think of home
Another city goes by in the night
Ain't it funny how it is, you never miss it 'til it's gone away
And my heart is lying there and will be 'til my dying day

So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up... make your stand
And realise you're living in the golden years

Too much time on my hands, I got you on my mind
Can't ease this pain, so easily
When you can't find the words to say it's hard to
make it through another day
And it makes me wanna cry and throw my
hands up to the sky

IRON MAIDEN

Nije Bruce budala!! Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years! So true!

- 20:15 - Print text! - #

VALKOISET KENGÄT

As I have a spy camera I can do some serious spying. I saw some white boots and I could not resist!! I am totally into that white footwear. For me, those shoes represent the highlight of disaster. It is not only a fashion issue it is a part of identity. It is a whole philosophy!! I have to found a white shoes fan club, write books, make movies... This is not the last about white shoes you will read from me! You can count on it!

PARHAIN TERVEISIN!

- 14:59 - Print text! - #

What a FLUFF

Little doggies are deaf and blind, but they are not dumb, let me tell ya! Martin uses a "being an only child" situazione as much as he can. He has 9 boobs to feed him...heaven it is, aye? So, he never rests, he takes his tasks seriously, he eats as if hunger awaits. He is already a little bear and his belly is like Pervan's but he is not stopping. Seems like he will be walking next week, what an overachiever!

- 12:38 - Print text! - #

17.10.2006., utorak

Martin is in da house

I did not write for some time, as those who read me noticed...I hope. There are several reasons why I did not. First of all; I was getting on my nerves with complaining about that back problem and as I wrote more than few posts about that topic, I did not want to bore myself and others over and over again. I just waited for the complaining to stop so I could write again. Complaining stopped few days ago because I have some brand new hope here. I have a masseuse that does some serious medical massage and she thinks that with time and effort that spine thing could just fall back into its place. Hope makes me feel better. The second reason I was not writing is that I moved away from my house for some time because Vilma needed to give birth to those, more than a few, doggies and I did not want to leave the puppies to my grandfather everyday when I go to work. I am staying with a person very dear to me, as someone said recently: "for a broken up couple, you guys are pretty close!" So, Vilma did give birth on monday morning after whole night of horror. We were prepared to go to the doctor becuase the poor girlie was not having a killer time and then when we were about to leave the house, she gave birth to a little doggy named Martin. There were supposed to be quite many doggies there but we were waiting for another 4 hours after Martin came to this world and nothing happened. We went to see a doctor for real this time and they told us that that was it! No more doggies!! Only one! But let me tell you, a huge one! So, I am working, my friends are doggysitting until 4 and I am so very grateful. We do not sleep at night because Vilma does not pay that much attention to her youngster all the time, so if she sees someone eating...her greed takes over and she just steps on the little guy. Bedača!
I had an idea to do that breeding thing all over again (this time on purpose) but not too many people around me approve. So, that's all...for now! I will put some Martin's pics as soon as I put them on my computer and also add quite few pics of the little guy to my gallery. iHasta pronto!

- 14:18 - Print text! - #

10.10.2006., utorak

monday bonus

I finally gathered all my strength to call my trainer. I was hoping he would tell me to stop exaggerating like I usually do. Sadly, that was not the case. He told me that I should not train at least for some time. He tried to calm me down by telling me that there will be many more trainings, seminars and graduations and that I should not worry...And then he told me the suicide line: come and see us sometime! After that I broke down.
I am trying to find some solution, there is got to be a way to make this go away. I usually wait for things to go away on their own but that usually is not a good way to deal with things. Hmmm, I just need a dangerously good plan (hyvää suunnintelma) and I am open to any good advice!

- 17:42 - Print text! - #

08.10.2006., nedjelja

DOWN AND ALMOST BROKEN

I have prepared some other posts that are probably more interesting but since it is Sunday, an emo day...I must act emo on my readers. I had such a rotten day on Friday that I have been on a rebound over since. I am in a Flogging Molly mood!
Annotation: Last weekend I was on a party and I drove some friends home. We were talking about how great that FIAT PUNTO was and how I never had problems with it. As soon as I left them at home I saw a light turn on on the car board informing me that something was wrong. I barely managed to get home. It would be such fun if I did not, it was three o'clock in the morning and it was raining. Anyway, next few days I drove another car because I hoped the problem with this car would just go away on its own. But...it did not! Now I completely understand the real meaning of FIAT that I read on some blog, it's Fix It Again, Toni! The car needed to be repared. I knew there was something wrong with the injection system but I thought it was a minor damage.
However, on Friday a car service picked the car up and took it to a Fiat service garage. Soon after that I found out that the reason why the car broke down is the most expensive part which should have been repalced. It costed 3200 kuna or the alternative of throwing the car in the garbage - so, 3200 kuna. Ei perkele!!

Also, Friday was kind of a D Day for my back problem situation. I went to a specialist with all my test results. I waited for the doctor for an hour and a half. Finally, he called me in. He saw my test results and he had a very serious face expression. He carefully told me what I feared the most: that I cannot train Nanbudo anymore. The situation is kinda serious and the doctor kept repeating that the results are very clear: it is better to be careful than to operate. I was devastated but I am proud that I did not cry right there on the spot. I succeeded in holding those tears until I got out. What the fuck?? Everybody has a screwed up spine, right? It is not like I am Janica Kostelić...the world will not stop if I stop training, that's for sure, but... At that time I did not think about anything else but how I will not do any ukemi for quite some time or maybe never again. If I will train, it will be a senior citizen training (ki nanbu taiso, genki and slow kata – pure eläkeläiset!) I wanted to call my trainer because I knew he would have something wise to say, but I was too emo for that kind of converzacione and still am.
It is not only training for me, I started Nanbudo when I was 15. Everything has its ups and downs but I was strongly into it most of the time. Last three wears I was totally into it. I traveled a lot, went to many seminars, met many nice people, discovered North, got interested into so many different things, learned and saw stuff I would have never seen if it was not for Nanbudo. What now? Is all that gonna end? Only judging? Will I ever be 2nd DAN? Grrrrr...too much things to think about...and since I am the queen of analyzing, there will be some serious thinking there. I suddenly feel so old. Something like: I had my fun, I enjoyed it while it lasted and now it is time to go back to reality and start acting like an adult...with white tights, lunches with colleagues and buying tiles. I do not want my fun to end yet, I do not feel ready for it. What the fuck?!
I was walking towards my car from the hospital thinking about all that, I felt sooo confused...and then I saw a redneck with white shoes, gold chain with some ugly David Beckham hairstyle walking towards me with an arrogant attitude and I thought: screw the screwed up spine, I could have turned out like that guy (vittu mitä juntti metsästä!) While I was thinking of a collective suicide of me, myself and I, I recieved an sms from my supposed to be, tango partner for Friday evening. He informed me (again) that he will not be coming because he bla bla. I would normally be really pissed off, but I did not care at all, the hell with all!!
I never feel bad for a long time and although I thought of missing the tango class, I did not. After the class I was happy I went. There was some guy that dances tango for many years there, he came because I told my teacher in advance that I might not have a partner. That guy really made my sorry sorry day!! He dances really really well and it was not even important that I sucked at dancing because it looked like I knew what I was doing because I was dancing with him. It is good whan you have only your own two wooden feet to worry about and not also about someone else's. I learned few tricks and it felt great. So people, if you feel bad, do some serious tango!!

- 17:34 - Print text! - #

02.10.2006., ponedjeljak

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!

I still cannot believe what happened yesterday. It was nothing bad, it was kinda funny and sad at the same time. Every year my family goes on the memorial service for my grandmother that passed away 4 years ago. We have a new church in our neighbourhood and it was the first time that mass was held there. Anyway, normal mass is at 6, but the priest called my grandpa to tell him that we should be there at 5. There were only 6 of us in the curch and one nun. When the priest came in, I was surprised. He was pretty old and looking kinda ill...like he was not feeling very well. He had some mouth problem and I saw that something was weird right away. . And then the fun started. The priest did not put his denture in his mouth and he started talking. We could not understand a single word he was saying. His jaw was moving in the strange way and we could not even read his lips. The nun had some bad flu and she coughed quite a lot. Church door was open, children were going from school, others playing football on the playgound near by and there was more car noise than usual. So, nun coughing, all that noise from outside, the priest with no teeth in his mouth and being sooooo slooooow that I thought he would collapse any minute. Btw, he also had a flu and he did not have any handkerchief so he was wiping his nose in his sleeve. Ma and I were shoving each other because we were sure it had to be a joke! If nothing else, my other grandma had fun. She normally watches the mass on TV so she got the opportunity to say her prayers out loud...and loud it was!! She was attending the event of the week. She has seen some serious amount of masses in her life but this was a premiere.
I feel bad for the guy (the priest, I mean). I am sure he had better days than yesterday...but all in all, it was an insane situation. Priests also get retired, do they not?

- 19:12 - Print text! - #

01.10.2006., nedjelja

'I WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING I HATE'

Life changes so quickly, it is scary! I never thought I would wear transparent tights but it happened. I never thought I would wear heels and amuse other people when my heel gets stuck in a tram track. Well, that happened too...and there were some very amused people there, let me tell ya! I am not that punk anymore and it makes me sad. What can I say...sharp-edged shoes and No Fun At All playing in my ears!! I walk to work, 50 minutes there and 50 back because I do not train nowdays and my arse just spreads in that office chair. On my way home, I usually swear at those shoes and tights and education I have chosen that goes along with those shoes and tights...at the age of 18 I did not think of that.

All in all, it is not the tights that bug me that much...it is more the fact that I am totally ignorant when it comes to work relations. I am stupid and naive and I am aware of that. I hate when people have alterior motives while hanging and speaking with others. I just cannot understand why the hell is it like that?! Vittu! If people see each other everyday and have to speak to each other, why do they ever get the need to be mean to one another...on purpose? If you like, you hang! If you do not like then go away, there is no need to hang. Luckily I am not envolved in those situaziones and I plan not to be. I am not interested and luckily I am surrounded with nice people.

What could be the reason that people are mean to others? Boredom, low self esteam, jelousy, stupidity, menopause,... I am grateful when people are being nice to me, I also try to be and most of the time I succed. How hard could it be? Normally, I am too critical. Everybody who knows me will say that, but I never act on it. I comment white shoes, that is pretty much it! I do not have alterior motives, I hang with people only because I like them. I approach in good will and think that everybody is nice until I get disappointed. It is not that easy to disappoint me, but my good opinion once lost is lost for good. I do not fear important people, because they are people too. If they are acting too important then they are unsure of themselves and that is not my problem. I do not have idols. Of course that I have high opinion of certain people but I do not think it shows. Well, actually...I do idealize when I am in love. I idealize, but in my own mind. People are what they are and not what you expect them to be. If you expect too much, you get disappointed. I am blabbing...What do you think about the subject? Is it better to be naive and trust everybody or is better to be careful and just mind your own business?

I time every journey to bump into you, accidentally
I charm you and tell you of the boys I hate
All the girls I hate
All the words I hate
All the clothes I hate
How I'll never be anything I hate
You smile, mention something that you like
or How you'd have a happy life if you did the things you like

- 17:31 - Print text! - #

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