Why? My beautiful dead angel...

Prije nego što počnete čitati, evo jedno objašnjenje zašto me tako dugo nije bilo na blogovima:
Nije ništa strašno, no znate kako svakoga povremeno uhvati bezvoljnost za njih ili mu život nametne druge stvari. Naime, uz manjak inspiracije, vodim ratove sa samim sobom kao da mi jedan važan odgovor (kojeg ovdje neću spominjati) jednostavno ne ide u glavu. Ali ne trebate brinut (ili ako me ne volite: nemate se čemu veseliti belj), jer ću naravno preživjeti ovu omanju krizu yes. Nadam se da će vam se svidjeti post. Uživajte! wave


Sitne kapi kiše, hladne suze crne udovice, čiji osmijeh se krije iza vela crnog poput noći, hlade moju vrelu kožu… perući blatne tragove sa staroga kaputa. Tišina, krhak mir za kojim je moje srce neumorno tragalo, sad je samo tama, hladna crnina što proždire srce koje se utapa u tamnom moru tuge.
Tih miris bijelog ljiljana, istrgnutog iz života u sred cvata svoje nevine ljepote, još uvijek lebdi u zraku miješajući se sa vonjom svježe iskopanoga groba, ispranog jesenjom kišom…
Dva bijela, mramorna anđela spokojno sviraju svoj tihi duet, tajnu melodiju patnje ljudskoga srca. Stojim, pognute glave i drhtava tijela, promatrajući tamni portal onoga svijeta s gađenjem i strahopoštovanjem, bojeći se koraknuti dalje…
Sijeda starica, bez riječi prolazi pored mene, stupivši na drugu stranu… Pratim ju, nesigurna koraka kao što mladi vojnik prati svoga vođu, ne znajući kud ga put vodi. Ona zastaje, klečeći pred malenim kamenim svetištem vječnoga počinka, lijući vrele suze po izboranom licu… Jedan dio u meni, posljednja trunka čovjeka koji sam bio, želio joj je prići, reći nekoliko utješnih riječi… ali sa usana, odnosio ih je vjetar. Ovo ne bijaše moj cilj, morao sam dalje… dalje kroz tamu.
Teturajući poput aveti kraljevstvom mrtvih, moje srce kuca sve sporiji ritam… vrijeme kao da je stalo, padam u trans. Svakim korakom, osjećam kako sam sve bliže… bliže spoznaji, istini što se krije ispod bijeloga mramora. Prigušen vrisak govori mi stani… okreni se i bježi. Ovo nije tvoj svijet. Ali tijelo ne sluša. Srce još uvijek kuca, tjerajući noge dalje… sve dalje… prema tajni što se skriva u tišini groba.
Glasan huk malenog ćuka razbija prividan mir noćne tišine, oslobađajući me na trenutak transa u koji sam zapao, tjerajući mi jezu niz leđa. Pognuta poput one crne starice, pred mnom stajala je vrba, oplakujući tihim šaptom suhoga lišća, prolaznost života smrtnoga svijeta… skrivajući svojim uvelim granjem tajnu za kojom sam tragao. Posegnuvši rukom naprijed, iznenadan vjetar umalo me oborio s nogu. Razgrćući šuštavu zavjesu i mrseći moju dugu kosu, zaklanjao mi je pogled… Ali tajna bijaše razotkrivena. Nema povratka…
Hladan dah zastao mi je u grudima. Stajao sam kao kip, očaran ljepotom djevojačkog lika, ocrtanog laganim sivilom na bijelome kamenu… Samo dvije riječi bijahu dovoljne, anđeosko ime… i moje srce se slomilo u stotine sitnih krhotina koje ni nitko neće ponovno sastaviti. Duša u meni vrišti zarobljena u agoniji boli... ali suza nema, one ostaju zarobljene na tankoj granici tuge i ludila što se bore za prevlast…
Drhtavim prstima lagano gladeći hladan kamen, pokušavam razotkriti zlokobnu iluziju, ali ona je stvarna kao bol u mojim grudima. Osjećam se tako usamljen, prazan, poput beživotne ljuske ljudskoga bića što je ležala nekoliko metara ispod mojih mokrih čizama.
Ne, srce još uvijek ne želi vjerovati u tragediju djevojačke ljubavi… Krvavi prsti grebu po tvrdome kamenu, ruju po mekoj zemlji… tražeći blago što se krije u dubini... uzalud. Tihi jecaji pretvaraju se u očajne krike, razbijajući tišinu kao kulu od karata…
Umorno, moje tijelo pada u kaljužu meke zemlje, dok duša tone u hladnom moru tame, očajnički hvatajući ostatke sjećanja na ljepše trenutke dvaju smrtnika, koji se zakleše na vječnu ljubav...
«Kristijane»… tih, nježan glas odzvanja poput eha u daljini, šapućući moje ime. «Probudi se… moj voljeni anđele… otvori svoje lijepe oči.» Taj glas…zar je moguće da se Jahve smilovao ljudskome srcu?! Ili je ovo samo san ljubavlju slomljenoga smrtnika… iluzija prokletnika Sotone što se veseli ljudskoj patnji... Ne! ona je tu. Lice tako poznato kao vlastito. Stoji nad mnom, nježno prelazeći svojim mekim prstima moje po mome obrazu... krasna kao nikad prije, nježno mi se smije.
Stisak u mojim grudima zamjenjuje ugodna toplina. Razum mi govori «Ovo može biti samo san…», ali srce tvrdi da je java. Što god bilo, ne želim se probuditi, ne želim ju izgubiti…ja sam ponovno sretan... tako sretan…
«Volim te…» tiho mi šapuće glas tako poznat, ali ipak tako stran… Osjećam se tako slabo, oči vape za snom… Ja se gubim, tonem u moru osjećaja koje ne mogu razabrati.
Ne, nešto nije uredu. Svaki instinkt vrišti na predstojeću opasnost! Ali tijelo je slabo, ja padam u trans… Smaragdno plave oči gore takvom strašću kao nikad prije… No je li taj strastveni plam zaista ljubav?! Ne… to je samo žudnja u nemrtvim očima za tamnim grimiznim sokom što kola mojim venama.
Naglim trzajem umakao sam smrtonosnom ugrizu bijelih očnjaka što su se poput bisera sjajili na mjesečini. Prestravljen, ali ipak toliko privučen samom njenom pojavom nisam znao dalje… Stajala je potpuno mirna, još uvijek sa osmijehom na licu. Zar nije shvaćala? Ili nije željela razumjeti strah moga srca. Nesigurnim korakom, polako sam se udaljavao od svoje voljene krvnice… sve dalje, dok se korak nije pretvorio u trk.
Trčim, poput prestravljenog laneta bježim od sudbine koju ne mogu izbjeći… U daljini čuje se prigušen udar crkvenog zvona i nježna melodija ženskoga glasa slatka poput ljetnog vina s anđeoskih usana... Blizu je, mogu je osjetiti. Uskoro će biti svršeno, nemam snage... Hladne ruke obuhvaćaju moje umorno tijelo. Više joj se ne mogu oduprijeti, ne mogu pobjeći.
Propadam… moja barka nježno se ljulja na valovima crnoga mora, zibajući me u sladak san. Tijelo umire, svladano hladnim zagrljajem aveti s kosom u ruci… Dodir hladnih očnjaka para mi grlo dok pluća vape za zrakom… Moja duša se gubi, ali srce još uvijek neumorno lupa svoj ritam… Taman grimizan cvijet otvorio se na mome vratu, više ne osjećam bol. Vrele suze kaplju mi niz mrtvo lice. Tama, zaklanja mi pogled… U daljini još čujem njen zadovoljan uzdah, moje ime na usnama slatkim poput ljetnog vina… i svjetlost u dva svijetla safira čija nevinost bijaše izbrisana u trenu…
Krik se gubi u praznini… Duša se opire čvrstome stisku. Želim ju vidjeti, nju! Ne ono što je postala… Ponovno dotaknuti njene usne… biti sretan… Ali ne, ja padam, tonem sve dublje u njenom hladnom zagrljaju gušeći se u sjećanjima što izviru na svjetlo… ostavljajući svijetao trag suza na blijedome licu... posljednje koje ću ikad isplakati.
Moja krila su slomljena, ne mogu uzletjeti… Svakim dahom moje tijelo sve je bliže ponoru smrti. Taman povez pada mi preko očiju, dok tišina gladno guta moje prigušene jecaje… Posljednji put u nadi pružam svoje drhtave prste, pokušavam dosegnuti nešto što će zaustaviti moj beznadan pad… uzalud… sve je uzalud…
* * *
Moje ruke su hladne… srce gori paklenim plamenom što proždire ostatke moje ranjene biti. Vode… suho grlo vapi za osvježenjem… ali svaka kap što klizi mojim grlom gori u meni poput grčke vatre…
Svijet tako taman, a ipak toliko jasan kao nikad prije pružao se pred mojim okom. Boje i ljepote smrtnoga svijeta koje ljudsko oko nije vrijedno uočiti…
Savladan zaprepaštenjem, pao sam na koljena, zureći u blijed, ali prekrasan odraz u ogledalu ispred sebe. Moje lice, ali s toliko ljepote… napokon sam shvaćao. Više nisam bio čovjek već samo ljudska ljuska… čudovište iz bajke o kojima sam čitao kao dijete. Biće što se hrani krvlju nedužnih smrtnika, predator što lovi u sigurnosti tame… stvor, a ne muškarac…
Prišla mi je, nečujna poput sjene nježno mi šapnuvši «Dođi moj voljeni. Vječnost je naša! Sad nas ni smrt neće rastaviti. Ti si zauvijek moj…»
Izgubljen i tako usamljen, utonuo sam u njen nježan zagrljaj, dopustivši joj da tješi ostatke moje ranjene biti. Pitajući se, je li negdje u dubini svoga hladnog srca, još uvijek imala barem malo one ljubavi za mene, koju sam ja osjećao za nju...

03.09.2007. u 21:02 |

Tell me what you think (218) | Take my thoughts | @ | %

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Ovaj blog je ustupljen pod Creative Commons licencom Imenovanje-Nekomercijalno-Bez prerada.

desing by: dark sword dancer

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da/ne?

My blog

This is a mirror to my dreams. Enjoy...

My little creations
Moj blog s besplatnim dizajnima. Zavirite ako vas zanima wink

Hall of fame

Ljudi, vampiri i druga stvorenja vrijedna pažnje thumbup

Taken by storm
vicious vampire
alice
Beatiful Death

Damian_the_Devil

Lucifer's Curse

hard
†-×° BŁaCk Go†hIc Sis†€r S€p†€mb€r °×-†
-Lonely Death-
Countess Dementia di Santi
no angel

Life

Zoe Jane
Violent Beauty

The black butterfly



Ostalo:

Croatian underground metal/rock/punk
stranica gdje možete pronaći neke odlične hrvatske bendove, zavirite
Blog.hr
mjesto gdje sve počinje...
Forum.hr
odgovori i pitanja na razne teme (više pitanja nego odgovora)
Tutor blog
mjesto na kojem možete naći pomoć i savjet za svoj blog
Image Shack
najbolje mjesto za besplatan upload slika

Trapped in my nightmares



Svakim danom, svakim satom sve se više gubim u ovoj iluziji koju nazivamo svojim postojanjem. Kao sjena bježim pred svijetlom natrag u tamu. Život prolazi pored mene, ne mogu ga zaustaviti. Mogu samo žuriti s vremenom kako ne bi zaostao, zaboravljen. Sve što ostaje iza mene, to su sjećanja. Ona lijepa, ali i ona koja bi svatko od nas najradije zaboravio. Čovjek je smrtan, a time sam i ja. Jednog dana hladna će ruka smrti sve nas povući u grob. Postoji samo jedna stvar koju stvarno moramo, a to je umrijeti...
Gledajući kroz nevina stakla djetinjstva, život nam se čini toliko lijep, pun sreće i radosti, novih avantura... Ali kako odrastamo ta se iluzija polagano raspada i mi počinjemo shvaćati stvarnost. Svi se mi vječno borimo kako bi sebi i svojim voljenima osigurali što ljepši i lakši život. Živimo, patimo i umiremo i za najmanji za trenutak sreće. A ja vas sad pitam, je li vrijedno toliko se boriti za jedan maleni trenutak zadovoljstva? Zar mi moramo toliko patiti, da bismo bili sretni? Na to pitanje još uvijek ne znam dati dovoljan odgovor...
Ipak, nešto sam shvatio. Tek u trenutku spoznaje svoje prolaznosti, čovjek počinje cijeniti ono što ima. Tek u trenutku kad se pomirimo s onim neizbježnim, mi zaista možemo biti sretni.


more information about me (my msn): dark_sword_dancer@hotmail.com

Lyrics



Disturbed: Prayer

Another dream that will never come true
Just to compliment your sorrow
Another life that I've taken from you
A gift to add on to your pain and suffering
Another truth you can never believe
Has crippled you completely
All the cries you're beginning to hear
Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray

[Chorus:]
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away

Another nightmare about to come true
Will manifest tomorrow
Another love that I've taken from you
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering
Another taste of the evil I breed
Will level you completely
Bring to life everything that you fear
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way i pray

[Chorus]

Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, cast aside
Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, you've made me turn away

[Chorus Variant:]
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough,
They take everything from you

[Chorus]






Iced Earth: Melancholy

Make the sadness go away
Come back another day
For years I've tried to teach
But their eyes are empty
Empty too I have become
For them I must die
A sad and troubled race
An ungrateful troubled place

[chorus]
I see the sadness in their eyes
Melancholy in their cries
Devoid of all the passion
The human spirit cannot die
Look at the pain around me
This is what I cry for
Look at the pain around me
This is what I'll die for

Make the sadness go away
Come back another day
The things I've said and done
Don't matter to anyone
But still, you push me to see
Something, I can never be
Why am I their shattered king?
I don't mean anything

I see the sadness in their eyes
Melancholy in their cries
Devoid of all the passion
The human spirit cannot die
Look at the pain around me
This is what I cry for
Look at the pain around me
This is what I'll die for.






Korn: Alone I Break

Pick me up
Been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it somehow

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Cut me off
I'm ready, heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
Is there nothing more to come?
(Am I gonna leave this place?)

Is it always black in space?
Am I going take its place?
Am I going to win this race?
(Am I going to leave this race?)

I guess God's up in this place?
What is it that I've become?
Is there something more to come?

More to come

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?





Iced Earth: The Phantom Opera Ghost

[Y:] I feel you, from beyond the walls you speak to me
[M:] Christine my love Paris now will worship you
You will star soon I'll kill to make it sure for you
[Y:] Oh my love, won't you please show yourself to me
[M:] Soon I'll take you in my kingdom you're the queen.
It's dark and peaceful but my face you'll never see, no

[M:] Oh Christine on this eve I will come for you
[Y:] Erik my love, I've waited all my life for you
Please just take me I need to be with you
[M:] Take my hand, through the catacombs my lair awaits
[Y:] Caverns, mazes, the underworld and the blackest lake.
Enticing danger, your passion feeds me I'm your slave

[Y:] Now I've bathed in fear. I will not leave here
[M:] Breathe deep the darkness. Breathe deep the madness
[Y:] I'm so cold inside. Mental suicide
[M:] Breathe deep the darkness. Breathe deep the sadness

[M:] Oh Christine don't you know it's all for you
Carlotta's head and the other death's I planned.
All for you, to have your night in the spotlight.
From now on forevermore you will only sing for me

[Y:] So you are, you are the legend. The Phantom Opera Ghost
[M:] I am what man has made me. With his hate and cruel ways
[Y:] Why are you?
[M:] Why am I?
[Y&M:] The Phantom Opera Ghost
[Y:] I have to see
[M:] You'll never see
[Y&M:] What's behind the mask

[Y:] I'm so torn between love, death, life, and hate
[M:] Don't you doubt me, what we have is just our fate.
I now own you from this day forth; you'll be my slave
[Y:] Oh Dear God for this life I've lost the will
[M:] No this can't be I'd rather you die than spoil my dream.
Myself I'll kill if I can't have you no one will





Disturbed: Hell

[Intro:]
Rrwoooaaaw!
Ahh, Ahhh
Burning now I bring you Hell!

[Post-Chorus:]
Ahh, Ahhh
Oh, burning now I bring you Hell!

Read me tonight, when the warnings said leave a shudder upon you
Running from all that you feared in your life
Soul of the night, when the sun mislead paint a horror upon you
Marking the moment, displaying in my ghost of a life!
And I can't get round the way you left me out in the open
To leave me to die!
So how can I, forget the way you lead me through the path into Heaven
To leave me behind!

[Chorus:]
Now I can't stay behind
Save me, from wreaking my vengeance
Upon you, to killing more than I can tell
Burning now I bring you Hell!

[Repeat Post-Chorus]

Free me tonight, as the animal kings breathe their terror upon you
Caught in the moment, engaging in my
Bloodlust tonight, now I can't control my venom's flow
Get back from me demon, or be exorcised!

[Repeat Chorus]

All my emotion and all my integrity
All that you've taken from me
All my emotion and all my integrity
All that you've taken from me

Now I can't stay behind
Save me, from wreaking my vengeance
Upon you, to killing more than I can tell
Soul of the night, I know
Now I can't stay behind
Save me, from wreaking my vengeance
Upon you, to killing more than I can tell
Burning now I bring you Hell!






Iced Earth: I Died for You

I can't belive this now
This isn't what I planned
I lived and died and now
I just can't understand
With all the love I feel
I could never leave her
No matter what the cost
My soulds the price to see her

Chorus
Oh how I love you
The pain won't go away
Oh when I need you
You're always so far away
I cry for you
Leaving myself to blame
I died for you
I gave up everything

The pain was just to much
When I finally saw her
She's happy and in love
In love with my best friend
What makes it hurt so bad
Is that I love them both
And they will never know
For love I sold my soul

Repeat Chorus






HIM: Poison Girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

A prey she was for the cruelty of love
While its serpent inside crawled straight towards her heart
The coldest kiss love ceased to exist
While we grew apart like never before

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love wants us dead
Just me and my poison girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

the fire in her eyes
grew dim and then died
as the poison inside
reached her heart

And the coldest kiss
faith ceased to exist
as we grew apart
like never before

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love wants us dead
Just me and my poison girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

And the taste of the poison on her lips is of a tomb

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love wants us dead
Just me and my poison girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

Poison girl [4X]

And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl
In this poison world...





Iced Earth: Last December

The howling winds blow
On this moonlit night
Eyes locked in fear
With a dark embrace
The bitter cold winds
Freeze the tears that fall
Hands held in grace
As we take the final step

Obsessed with our love
Here is our fate
To need the final call
On this special winter day
A message to our elders
They surely won't forget
Our love must last forever
In death we shall not part

It seems like only yesterday
Our lives together planned
They say it's just a passing phase
We're damned by our youth
Why does no one understand
What we have is real

This is not your average love it's forever

Last December
Mother you have forced us here
Last December
Father now we'll disappear
Last December
One last step we fade away

So we take the final step
Heed the final call
Together we are strong
Divided we must fall
Teenage suicide
Our only way out
Together we might live
Divided we must fall

Last December
Mother you have forced us here
Last December
Father now we'll disappear
Last December
One last step we fade away







Billy Talent:Pins And Needles lyrics

Never understood how she could,
Mean so little to so many
Why does she mean everything to me?

Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Questioning her good intention
Jealousy's a bad invention
When you push on glass, it's bound to break

Even when she was defensive,
It just gave me more incentive
The more you squeeze, the more it slips away

I never walked so far on a lonely street
With no-one there for me
Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Accept this confession!
...I'm walking on pins and needles
You're not my possession!
...I'm walking on pins and needles
My conscience is vicious!
...I'm walking on pins and needles
And I'm begging forgiveness!
...I'm walking on pins and needles

I never walked so far on a lonely street,
With no one there for me
It took too long to see her in misery
And now it's clear to me

That it's worth the pain, always take the blame
For all your own insecurities
How did I ever let you go?







Lovex: Anyone anymore

I’m another king and robber
I’m a brother trampling on your dreams
Before they stand in the way of mine

He’s a fighter with a hunger for disaster
A decider chained to the fate of the world
But words are left unheard

Feel the weight on your shoulders
Is there anyone anymore
To slow our fall, yeah
All those people, all that power
Is there anyone anymore
Is there anyone anymore

She’s a lover a true-love mocker
And every dollar she earned at the cost of those
Who believed enough to let it show

In your mirror you will see a winner
A celebrated sinner standing in line with the vain
Those self-appointed modern day saints

Feel the weight on your shoulders
Is there anyone anymore
To slow our fall, yeah
All those people, all that power
Is there anyone anymore
Is there anyone anymore

It’s not about conformity
It’s abuse of individuality
It’s insanity, it’s reality
It’s the promised land of hypocrisy

Feel the weight on your shoulders
Is there anyone anymore
To slow our fall, yeah
All those people, all that power
Is there anyone anymore
Is there anyone anymore...

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