Konačna odluka

Padala je kiša. Sjedio sam uz prozor slušajući kako sitne kapi udaraju o staklo. Nikoga nije bilo na ulici... Sve je bilo pusto. Grad je spavao. Crkveni sat udario je tri puta... Bio sam tako umoran. Ponovno nisam mogao zaspati... Bilo me strah sklopiti oči. Nisam želio svake noći proživljavati iste scene... Tako sam sjedio buljeći kroz prozor. Osjećao sam se tako tjeskobno... Polagano sam tonuo u misli. Već zaboravljeni prizori počeli su izvirati iz moje prošlosti. Sjedeći tako u udobnom naslonjaču, svladan umorom ipak sam usnuo.
Stajao sam duboko u šumi. Stoljetna stabla kao divovi promatrala su me s visoka. Kristalno čist potočić žuborio je nekoliko metara dalje. Svuda oko mene ptice su tiho pjevušile. Ugledavši svoj odraz u bistroj vodi bio sam zbunjen. Umjesto blijede crnokose prilike koja sam bio, ugledao sam odraz malenog nasmijanog dječaka crne kose. Netko je zvao moje ime... Brzo sam se okrenuo i ugledao jednu djevojku. Njena duga kose, crna poput moje lagano je vijorila na vjetru kako skakutala prema meni. Ponovno sam se sjetio. Ona mi je bila sestra... Snovi su me ovaj put vratili još dalje unatrag. Vratio sam se u onaj dio mog života koji sam davno zaboravio. Bio je to najsretniji odlomak mog bijednog postojanja...
Živio sam s majkom i sestrama, njih dvije, u malenoj kućici duboko u šumi, odvojen od ostatka svijeta. Bio je to lijep, gotovo idiličan život... Svaki dan igrao sam se sa svojim sestrama ili s majkom prikupljao bilje. Ništa mi nije u životu nedostajalo. Bio sam sretno, naivno dijete. Nisam poznavao zlo. Kada je jedno jutro, moja najstarija sestra, donijela mi je malog crnog vučića moja sreća je bila savršena. Za mene, život nije mogao postati bolji. Bio sam presretan. Životinja je rasla brže od mene i uskoro me prerasla. Nisam ni primjećivao. Dok smo imali sebe, nitko drugi nam nije trebao. Bili smo strašan par. Moje sestre bile su starije od mene, ja sam im bio mezimac. Tri žene, samo za mene. Kako su mi sada nedostajale...
Snažna bol u prsima, natjerala me da se probudim. Jedva sam uspio suzdržati krik i umjesto toga tiho zacvilio. Krupne suze klizile su mi niz obraze. Pokušao sam se smiriti, nije mi uspijevalo. Nisam znao zašto plačem. Bio je to lijep san, prvi nakon toliko vremena bez strava i užasa moje prošlosti. Ali dio u meni strašno se uznemirio. Bilo je tu nešto, jedan dio kojeg se nisam sjećao. Pitanja koja su me dugo godina progonila ponovno su mi se vrzmala mislima. Pitao sam se kako je moj obiteljski život uopće svršio? Gdje je moja obitelj? Što se dogodilo?
Nisam znao odgovor. Moj bivši gospodar, previše je toga izbrisao, a ostatak zaključao u dubini moje duše... Tiho jecajući povukao sam se u kut iza vrata, u sjenu.
Jaka pol ponovno mi je počela parati srcem, ovaj put nisam uspio zatomiti svoj krik. Snažno se tresući, nervozno sam se okrenuo prema krevetu. Ležala je sasvim mirno. Mekani pokrivač umjereno se podizao i spuštao kakao je disala. Nešto je promrmljala i okrenula se prema meni. Jedan pramen njene duge smeđe kose pao joj je preko oči... Slaba svijetlost mjesečine lagano ju je obasjavala. Bila je savršena...
Kako sam ju samo želio zagrliti. Potražiti utjehu... Osjećao sam se tako usamljeno. Nisam mogao ni želio zaspati. Mračne sjene i dalje su me progonile mojim snovima. Čak i ono lijepo sad me uznemirivalo. Zar sam nakon svega toga napokon prolupao? Bilo je moguće...
Tiho sam šapnuo njeno ime, nije me čula... Još uvijek je duboko snivala. Imala je čvrst san. Nježan smiješak krasio joj je lice. Nisam je imao srca probuditi, prekinuti snove koje je snivala... Izgledala je tako krhka, ali ja sam znao bolje. Unatoč njenom nježnom izgledu bila je snažna, čvrsta... Bila je jača od mene. Puno jača... Bez nje, ja bih bio potpuno izgubljen, u to sam bio siguran...
Uhvaćen u grču ležao sam na podu. Previše sam se uzrujao. Odlučio sam se iskrasti iz kuće, malo prošetati. Morao sam se smiriti. Nisam želio da se ona toliko brine za mene. Znao sam koliko ju je boljelo u duši svaki put kada me je vidjela ovakvog...
Ogrnuvši se svojim toplim crnom plaštom odšuljao sam se do vrata. Još jednom sam se okrenuo kako bih provjerio da je sve u redu te napustio sobu. Vani je još uvijek padala kiša. Navukavši kapuljaču izašao sam van. Lijeno sam se spustio do luke i sjeo na mol dok me kiša polako močila do kože. More je bilo uzburkano poput mojih osjećaja. Ljutito je udaralo o obalu.
Nisam se sjećao koliko sam dugo tu sjedio... Kada sam krenuo kući još uvijek je bilo mračno. Nitko još nije ustao. Sve ulice su bile pusta. Drhtao sam cijeli tijelom. Bio sam tako umoran, ipak um mi se malo razbistrio. Polako sam se dovukao kući.
Kada sam ušao u kuću našao sam ju u predsoblju kako u tišini sjedi uz kamin. Nije me korila, nije čak bila ni ljuta što sam u sred noći nestao. Bez riječi skinula je s mene mij promočeni plašt i stavila ga u drveni lavor, zajedno s ostatkom moje odjeće. Njeno lice gledalo me bez osuđivanja, s toliko razumijevanja i sažaljenja. Kako sam se ja bijednik, prokleti egoist, samo usudio ovom prelijepom stvorenju stvarati takve brige... Tako sam se samo sramio.
Vidjevši moj izraz lica samo mi se nježno nasmiješila i povela me do u susjednu prostoriju. Velika kada bila je puna tople vode. Čak se i za to pobrinula... Nakon tople kupke, osjećao sam se nešto bolje. Sjedio sam u njom zagrljaju na mekom tepihu uz kamin. Nakon nekoliko minuta, ona je usnula. Nježno sam ju podigao i odnio u krevet... Bio sam potpuno smiren. Bez nje, ja sam bio nitko... Ona je bila sve što me držalo na ovom svijetu. Nisam ju želio izgubiti. Previše sam ju volio. Nisam bio siguran koliko će dugo još trapiti moje ispade.
Slijedeće jutro, kada je izašla iz kuće ja sam otišao na drugu stranu, prema mračnoj šumi. Bilo je tu nešto što sam morao učiniti. Prošlost je morala biti zaboravljena kako bi život išao dalje. Činio sam to samo za nju...

I'm lost without you...

29.03.2007. u 19:35 |

Tell me what you think (48) | Take my thoughts | @ | %

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desing by: dark sword dancer

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da/ne?

My blog

This is a mirror to my dreams. Enjoy...

My little creations
Moj blog s besplatnim dizajnima. Zavirite ako vas zanima wink

Hall of fame

Ljudi, vampiri i druga stvorenja vrijedna pažnje thumbup

Taken by storm
vicious vampire
alice
Beatiful Death

Damian_the_Devil

Lucifer's Curse

hard
†-×° BŁaCk Go†hIc Sis†€r S€p†€mb€r °×-†
-Lonely Death-
Countess Dementia di Santi
no angel

Life

Zoe Jane
Violent Beauty

The black butterfly



Ostalo:

Croatian underground metal/rock/punk
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mjesto gdje sve počinje...
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najbolje mjesto za besplatan upload slika

Trapped in my nightmares



Svakim danom, svakim satom sve se više gubim u ovoj iluziji koju nazivamo svojim postojanjem. Kao sjena bježim pred svijetlom natrag u tamu. Život prolazi pored mene, ne mogu ga zaustaviti. Mogu samo žuriti s vremenom kako ne bi zaostao, zaboravljen. Sve što ostaje iza mene, to su sjećanja. Ona lijepa, ali i ona koja bi svatko od nas najradije zaboravio. Čovjek je smrtan, a time sam i ja. Jednog dana hladna će ruka smrti sve nas povući u grob. Postoji samo jedna stvar koju stvarno moramo, a to je umrijeti...
Gledajući kroz nevina stakla djetinjstva, život nam se čini toliko lijep, pun sreće i radosti, novih avantura... Ali kako odrastamo ta se iluzija polagano raspada i mi počinjemo shvaćati stvarnost. Svi se mi vječno borimo kako bi sebi i svojim voljenima osigurali što ljepši i lakši život. Živimo, patimo i umiremo i za najmanji za trenutak sreće. A ja vas sad pitam, je li vrijedno toliko se boriti za jedan maleni trenutak zadovoljstva? Zar mi moramo toliko patiti, da bismo bili sretni? Na to pitanje još uvijek ne znam dati dovoljan odgovor...
Ipak, nešto sam shvatio. Tek u trenutku spoznaje svoje prolaznosti, čovjek počinje cijeniti ono što ima. Tek u trenutku kad se pomirimo s onim neizbježnim, mi zaista možemo biti sretni.


more information about me (my msn): dark_sword_dancer@hotmail.com

Lyrics



Disturbed: Prayer

Another dream that will never come true
Just to compliment your sorrow
Another life that I've taken from you
A gift to add on to your pain and suffering
Another truth you can never believe
Has crippled you completely
All the cries you're beginning to hear
Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray

[Chorus:]
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away

Another nightmare about to come true
Will manifest tomorrow
Another love that I've taken from you
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering
Another taste of the evil I breed
Will level you completely
Bring to life everything that you fear
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way i pray

[Chorus]

Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, cast aside
Return to me, return to me, return to me, turn to me, leave me no one
Turn to me, return to me, return to me, you've made me turn away

[Chorus Variant:]
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough,
They take everything from you

[Chorus]






Iced Earth: Melancholy

Make the sadness go away
Come back another day
For years I've tried to teach
But their eyes are empty
Empty too I have become
For them I must die
A sad and troubled race
An ungrateful troubled place

[chorus]
I see the sadness in their eyes
Melancholy in their cries
Devoid of all the passion
The human spirit cannot die
Look at the pain around me
This is what I cry for
Look at the pain around me
This is what I'll die for

Make the sadness go away
Come back another day
The things I've said and done
Don't matter to anyone
But still, you push me to see
Something, I can never be
Why am I their shattered king?
I don't mean anything

I see the sadness in their eyes
Melancholy in their cries
Devoid of all the passion
The human spirit cannot die
Look at the pain around me
This is what I cry for
Look at the pain around me
This is what I'll die for.






Korn: Alone I Break

Pick me up
Been bleeding too long
Right here, right now
I'll stop it somehow

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Cut me off
I'm ready, heart stops
I stand alone
Can't be on my own

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
Seems this is the only way
I will soon be gone
These feelings will be gone
These feelings will be gone

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Am I going to leave this place?
What is it I'm running from?
Is there nothing more to come?
(Am I gonna leave this place?)

Is it always black in space?
Am I going take its place?
Am I going to win this race?
(Am I going to leave this race?)

I guess God's up in this place?
What is it that I've become?
Is there something more to come?

More to come

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can
Does this make me not a man?





Iced Earth: The Phantom Opera Ghost

[Y:] I feel you, from beyond the walls you speak to me
[M:] Christine my love Paris now will worship you
You will star soon I'll kill to make it sure for you
[Y:] Oh my love, won't you please show yourself to me
[M:] Soon I'll take you in my kingdom you're the queen.
It's dark and peaceful but my face you'll never see, no

[M:] Oh Christine on this eve I will come for you
[Y:] Erik my love, I've waited all my life for you
Please just take me I need to be with you
[M:] Take my hand, through the catacombs my lair awaits
[Y:] Caverns, mazes, the underworld and the blackest lake.
Enticing danger, your passion feeds me I'm your slave

[Y:] Now I've bathed in fear. I will not leave here
[M:] Breathe deep the darkness. Breathe deep the madness
[Y:] I'm so cold inside. Mental suicide
[M:] Breathe deep the darkness. Breathe deep the sadness

[M:] Oh Christine don't you know it's all for you
Carlotta's head and the other death's I planned.
All for you, to have your night in the spotlight.
From now on forevermore you will only sing for me

[Y:] So you are, you are the legend. The Phantom Opera Ghost
[M:] I am what man has made me. With his hate and cruel ways
[Y:] Why are you?
[M:] Why am I?
[Y&M:] The Phantom Opera Ghost
[Y:] I have to see
[M:] You'll never see
[Y&M:] What's behind the mask

[Y:] I'm so torn between love, death, life, and hate
[M:] Don't you doubt me, what we have is just our fate.
I now own you from this day forth; you'll be my slave
[Y:] Oh Dear God for this life I've lost the will
[M:] No this can't be I'd rather you die than spoil my dream.
Myself I'll kill if I can't have you no one will





Disturbed: Hell

[Intro:]
Rrwoooaaaw!
Ahh, Ahhh
Burning now I bring you Hell!

[Post-Chorus:]
Ahh, Ahhh
Oh, burning now I bring you Hell!

Read me tonight, when the warnings said leave a shudder upon you
Running from all that you feared in your life
Soul of the night, when the sun mislead paint a horror upon you
Marking the moment, displaying in my ghost of a life!
And I can't get round the way you left me out in the open
To leave me to die!
So how can I, forget the way you lead me through the path into Heaven
To leave me behind!

[Chorus:]
Now I can't stay behind
Save me, from wreaking my vengeance
Upon you, to killing more than I can tell
Burning now I bring you Hell!

[Repeat Post-Chorus]

Free me tonight, as the animal kings breathe their terror upon you
Caught in the moment, engaging in my
Bloodlust tonight, now I can't control my venom's flow
Get back from me demon, or be exorcised!

[Repeat Chorus]

All my emotion and all my integrity
All that you've taken from me
All my emotion and all my integrity
All that you've taken from me

Now I can't stay behind
Save me, from wreaking my vengeance
Upon you, to killing more than I can tell
Soul of the night, I know
Now I can't stay behind
Save me, from wreaking my vengeance
Upon you, to killing more than I can tell
Burning now I bring you Hell!






Iced Earth: I Died for You

I can't belive this now
This isn't what I planned
I lived and died and now
I just can't understand
With all the love I feel
I could never leave her
No matter what the cost
My soulds the price to see her

Chorus
Oh how I love you
The pain won't go away
Oh when I need you
You're always so far away
I cry for you
Leaving myself to blame
I died for you
I gave up everything

The pain was just to much
When I finally saw her
She's happy and in love
In love with my best friend
What makes it hurt so bad
Is that I love them both
And they will never know
For love I sold my soul

Repeat Chorus






HIM: Poison Girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

A prey she was for the cruelty of love
While its serpent inside crawled straight towards her heart
The coldest kiss love ceased to exist
While we grew apart like never before

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love wants us dead
Just me and my poison girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

the fire in her eyes
grew dim and then died
as the poison inside
reached her heart

And the coldest kiss
faith ceased to exist
as we grew apart
like never before

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love wants us dead
Just me and my poison girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

And the taste of the poison on her lips is of a tomb

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love wants us dead
Just me and my poison girl

I did it all just for her
I did it all just for her
And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl

Poison girl [4X]

And love's heart is death
For me and my poison girl
In this poison world...





Iced Earth: Last December

The howling winds blow
On this moonlit night
Eyes locked in fear
With a dark embrace
The bitter cold winds
Freeze the tears that fall
Hands held in grace
As we take the final step

Obsessed with our love
Here is our fate
To need the final call
On this special winter day
A message to our elders
They surely won't forget
Our love must last forever
In death we shall not part

It seems like only yesterday
Our lives together planned
They say it's just a passing phase
We're damned by our youth
Why does no one understand
What we have is real

This is not your average love it's forever

Last December
Mother you have forced us here
Last December
Father now we'll disappear
Last December
One last step we fade away

So we take the final step
Heed the final call
Together we are strong
Divided we must fall
Teenage suicide
Our only way out
Together we might live
Divided we must fall

Last December
Mother you have forced us here
Last December
Father now we'll disappear
Last December
One last step we fade away







Billy Talent:Pins And Needles lyrics

Never understood how she could,
Mean so little to so many
Why does she mean everything to me?

Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Questioning her good intention
Jealousy's a bad invention
When you push on glass, it's bound to break

Even when she was defensive,
It just gave me more incentive
The more you squeeze, the more it slips away

I never walked so far on a lonely street
With no-one there for me
Is it worth the pain, with no one to blame?
For all of my insecurities
How did I ever let you go?

Accept this confession!
...I'm walking on pins and needles
You're not my possession!
...I'm walking on pins and needles
My conscience is vicious!
...I'm walking on pins and needles
And I'm begging forgiveness!
...I'm walking on pins and needles

I never walked so far on a lonely street,
With no one there for me
It took too long to see her in misery
And now it's clear to me

That it's worth the pain, always take the blame
For all your own insecurities
How did I ever let you go?







Lovex: Anyone anymore

I’m another king and robber
I’m a brother trampling on your dreams
Before they stand in the way of mine

He’s a fighter with a hunger for disaster
A decider chained to the fate of the world
But words are left unheard

Feel the weight on your shoulders
Is there anyone anymore
To slow our fall, yeah
All those people, all that power
Is there anyone anymore
Is there anyone anymore

She’s a lover a true-love mocker
And every dollar she earned at the cost of those
Who believed enough to let it show

In your mirror you will see a winner
A celebrated sinner standing in line with the vain
Those self-appointed modern day saints

Feel the weight on your shoulders
Is there anyone anymore
To slow our fall, yeah
All those people, all that power
Is there anyone anymore
Is there anyone anymore

It’s not about conformity
It’s abuse of individuality
It’s insanity, it’s reality
It’s the promised land of hypocrisy

Feel the weight on your shoulders
Is there anyone anymore
To slow our fall, yeah
All those people, all that power
Is there anyone anymore
Is there anyone anymore...

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