...read my mind.... http://blog.dnevnik.hr/charisma1

srijeda, 31.01.2007.

Depresija... tuga... ljubav...

Ulovila me neka mala depresija...
Mislim da je kriv pms u kojem se trenutno nalazim...
Jedem kao mala svinjica... trpam u sebe sve što je jestivo, a mijenjam raspoloženja brzinom munje...
A niti ne pomaže to što njega nisam vidjela još od subote...

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U zadnje vrijeme često znam slučajno susresti u novinama ili na netu, neki članak o depresiji. Često ga vidim i svašta čitam o tome. Zanimljivo je da toliko ljudi pati od te bolesti da je to nezamislivo. Nije niti čudno kad je svijet postao tako dosadan...
Tako dosadan, depresivan... Nevjerojatno je to...

Milijun puta kroz dan provuku mi se depresivne misli kroz glavu. Čitam blogove nekih nepoznatih ljudi i upoznajem svjetove oko sebe i poćinjem shvaćati koliko ljudi pate... Zbog ljubavi. Da, zbog ljubavi. Sve se na kraju svede na to. Ljubav je glavni krivac. Ne uvijek ljubav kakvu ja osjećam prema njemu, ponekad je to ljubav prema ocu, majki, bratu, sestri... prema prijatelju ili prema prijateljici... Uvijek taj neopisivi osjećaj...

Kako pomoći? Kako zaustaviti tu neopisivu bol koja je preuzela toliko života?
Kako spriječiti ili izliječiti depresiju?
Ne želim da svijet bude pun tužnih duša...

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Pročitala sam jednom.
Tuga je tvoja reakcija na neki gubitak.

Ne slažem se s tim. Ne mora uvijek tuga biti samo to.

Stephen King
"Suze koje zacjeljuju iste su one suze što peku i bičuju."


Ivan Cankar
"Nema ljepše nade od one što je nikla iz tuge i nema ljepših snova od onih što ih rađa bol."


Heinrich Heine
"Samo nam srodna bol izmami suzu, i svako zapravo i plače zbog sebe."


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Jovan Dučić
"U ljubavi ne stradaju samo ljudi koji su mehkog srca, nego, naprotiv, najviše stradaju baš oni koji umjesto srca nose svoju grubu sebičnost, svirepu želju da osvoje i potrebu da despotski zavladaju."


Pablo Neruda
"Ljubav je tako kratka, a zaborav tako beskrajan."


William Blake
"Ljubav ne teži da zadovolji hir,
Sebičnost je nikad nije takla,
Smao drugom ona daje mir
I stvara nebo u očaju pakla."


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31.01.2007. u 18:53 • 12 KomentaraPrint#^

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Komentari da/ne?

That's me, myself and I...


Just don't leave, don't leave

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SOMETHING ABOUT ME...

...moje dvije najbolje frendice o meni...

"Zanimljiva, otvorena i komunikativna. Jaaako iskrena (nadam se)! ;) Osoba od povjerenja! Ponekad malo nepromišljena, ali to nema veze. To poništi tvoja simpatičnost. Luckasta si! Slatka! Hehe! TVRDOGLAVA u pičku materinu!A nije niti to uvijek negativno.... "

"Rekla bih da si lijepa, luda, pažljiva, nikad ne budeš dopustila da te neko zeza ili vuče za nos. Tvrdoglava, ponekad temperamentna, jako dobra prijateljica i osoba od povjerenja...."


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Ljudska bića sanjaju da je svijet normalan, predvidiv, smislen. Sanjaju da se jednoga dana neće dogoditi to da njihov svijet postane samo blijeda maštarija i da se slabašne kulise neće srušiti i da nikada neće ugledati sivi kostur konstrukcije koji je taj svijet nosio. Puka sanjarija. Ja sam prestala sanjati. S time sam prestala vjerovati. U što? U sve. Još sam samo ponekad postavljala pitanja. A jedno pitanje koje mi se samo nametnulo bilo je i ovo: Ljudi sanjaju, a ja ne sanjam više i da li sam onda ja, s obzirom na sve, više ljudsko biće, čak i ako nisam ništa drugo? Hm. Stvar za razmisliti.


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Znaš li što sam ja? Ja sam jedno egoistično govno od ljudskog bića. To sam ja. Nije da ne volim sebe. Ja OBOŽAVAM sebe! Ali jednako tako znam kakva sam i pitam se zašto mi je dopušteno da budem takva. Znaš li koliko mi malo treba da popustim sve kočnice i postanem… Ne znam. Nešto ružno. To je kao da ti je rečeno: Evo ti krila, leti, čini što hoćeš sebi na zadovoljstvo, ali znaj da će se, kad se vineš, nebo razbiti i srušiti na one koji su ostali iza tebe. A ja? Ja ne marim. Uzimam krila. Letim. Širim krila i smijem se, pjevam od sreće. A oni dolje? Niti ih ne pogledam. Niti ih se ne sjetim. Ako me koji put što podsjeti odgurnem sjećanja, zatvorim um za njih i prepuštam se samo onome što mi čini zadovoljstvo.

E-mail adresa : judith_apc@net.hr

...friends...

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SUPER STRANICA

DeviantART


...PRIJATELJI... (po abecedi)

Darija

Dream Maker

Grof Vladimir

IVA :)

Lost Soul Azathoth

Marionette

Saddy

Zvonjava

Život je duga cesta...

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IF YOU ARE ALONE, I'LL BE YOUR SHADOW.
IF YOU WANT TO CRY, I'LL BE YOUR SHOULDER.
IF YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY, I'LL BE YOUR SMILE.
BUT ANYTIME YOU NEED A FRIEND, I'LL JUST BE ME.

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Obozhavam posjetiti ove ljude: :)thumbup (a, b, c...)

Aibreann

@n@liza iz bliza

Anahita

Angel hybrid

Columbine Goblinglow

Coma Back

Delovely

Insomnia

Jurica :-)

Lafarfalla

Little Bella

Mali Princ

PROROK (!)

Ruby Nelle

Scarlet

Soul_of_love

Tihi Don Kihot


wjesstica***


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...

Čovjek sretne puno ljudi u svom životu.
Ali samo pravi prijatelji ostave tragove u njegovom srcu.
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Bistri ljudi diskutiraju o idejama;
Prosječni ljudi o onome sto se svakodnevno događa;
Neobrazovani ljudi diskutiraju o drugim osobama.
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Ima trenutaka u životu, kada nekoga želiš tako jako, da bi ga najradije otrgnuo iz sna i poljubio.
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Sanjaj, ono što bi želio sanjati;
pođi tamo, gdje god želiš; budi, šta želiš biti,
jer imaš samo jedan život i samo jednu mogućnost, da stvoriš sve, što želiš stvoriti.
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Sreća je za one, koji plaču;
za one, koji trpe;
za one , koji traže;
i za one, koji pokušavaju;
samo oni cijene vrijednost ljudi, koji su se dotaknuli njihovih života.
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Ljubav se začne sa osmjehom,
raste sa poljupcima
i završi se u suzama.
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Kada si se rodio,
plakao si
svi oko tebe su se smijali.
Život živi tako,
da umreš sa osmjehom
i onda će svi oko tebe plakati.
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Zbogom, tugo
Dobar dan, tugo
Upisana si u brazdama stropa
Upisana u voljenim očima
Ne nalikuješ posve na bijedu
I najjadnije usne odaju te
Osmijehom
Dobar dan, tugo
Ljubavi ljupkih tijela
Ljubavi snago
Koje ljupkost izbija
Kao čudovište bez tijela
Obezličena glavo
Tugo lijepoga lica
P. Eluard
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Far too many people are LOOKING for the right person, insted of trying to BE the right person.
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There are two kinds of people in the world - those who walk into a room and say, "There you are," and those who say, "Here I am!"
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Upravo zato što je tako topao, osmijeh je ljepši od bilo kojeg cvijeta na svijetu.
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Become a better person and be sure to know who you are before meeting someone new and hoping that person knows who you are.

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Gavran - Edgar Allan Poe

Ponoći sam jedne tužne proučavo, slab i snužden,
Neobične drevne knjige što prastari nauk skriše –
Gotovo da sam u san pao kad je netko zakucao,
Pred sobna mi vrata stao, kucajući tiho, tiše,
„Posjetilac“, ja promrmljah, „što u sobu ući ište,
Samo to i ništa više.“

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Ah, da, još se sjećam jasno, u prosincu bješe kasno;
Svaki ugarak što gasne, sablasti po podu riše.
Žudim vruće za svanućem – uzalud iz knjiga vučem
Spas od boli što me muče – jer me od Nje rastaviše
Anđeli, što divnu djevu zvat Lenorom nastaviše –
Tu imena nema više.

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Od svilenog tužnog šuma, iz zastora od baršuna
Nepoznati, fantastični užasi me ispuniše;
Da utišam srce svoje, ja ponavljam mirno stojeć:
„Posjetilac neki to je, što u sobu ući ište –
Posjetilac kasni koji možda traži zaklonište –
Eto to je, ništa više.“

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Kad smjelosti malo stekoh, ne oklijevah nego rekoh:
„Gospodine ili Gospo, oprostite, evo stižem!
Zapravo sam malo drijemo, kucali ste tako nijemo,
Tako blago, pritajeno, i od mojih misli tiše;
Gotovo vas nisam čuo“ – i vrata se otvoriše –
Mrak preda mnom, ništa više.

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Pogledom kroz tamu bludim; stojim, plašim se i čudim;
Ah, ne može smrtnik snove sniti što se meni sniše!
Al nevina bje tišina, znaka nije dala tmina,
S mojih usta riječ jedina pade poput kapi kiše,
„Lenora“ prošaptah tiho, jeka mi je vrati tiše,
Samo to, i ništa više.

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U svoju se sobu vratih, dok u meni duša plamti;
Nešto jači nego prije udarci se ponoviše.
„Sigurno“, ja rekoh, „to je na prozoru sobe moje;
Da pogledam časkom što je, kakve se tu tajne skriše.
Mirno, srce. Da vidimo kakve se tu tajne skriše -
Valjda vjetar, ništa više.“


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Prozorsku otvorih kuku, kad uz lepet i uz buku
Dostojanstven uđe Gavran, što iz drevnih dana stiže,
Ni da pozdrav glavom mahne, ni trenutak on da stane,
Poput lorda ili dame kroz moju se sobu diže
I na kip Palade1 sleti, što se iznad vrata diže.
Sleti , sjede, ništa više.

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Kad ugledah pticu crnu, u smijeh tuga se obrnu,
Zbog ozbiljnosti dostojanstva kojim strogi lik joj diše.
„Nek si ošišana ptica“, rekoh, „nisi kukavica,
O, Gavrane, mrka lica, što sa Noćnog žala stiže,
Kako zovu te na žalu Hadske2 noći, otkud stiže?“
Reče Gavran: „Nikad više.“

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Začudih se tome mnogo, što crn stvor je zborit mogo,
Premda malobrojne riječi malo što mi objasniše.
Al priznati mora sva'ko, ne događa se lako
Da živ čovjek gleda tako pticu što se nad njim njiše,
Na skulpturi iznad vrata, zvijer il pticu što se njiše,
S tim imenom „Nikad više“.

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Gavran sâm na bisti sjedi; tek te riječi probesjedi,
Baš kao da cijelu dušu te mu riječi izraziše:
Više niti riječ da rekne – više ni da perom trepne –
Dok moj šapat jedva jekne: „Svi me drugi ostaviše,
Pa će zorom i on, ko što nade već me ostaviše.“
Tad će ptica: „Nikad više.“

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Muk se razbi, ja, zatečen – na odgovor spremno rečen –
„Nema sumnje“, rekoh, „to je sve mu znanje, ništa više
Riječ od tužna gazde čuta, koga nevolja je kruta
Stalno pratila duž puta, pa mu sve se pjesme sliše,
Tužaljke se puste nade u jednu tegobu sliše,
U „Nikada – nikad više“.

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Ali mi i opet Gavran tužne usne u smijeh nabra;
Dogurah pred kip i pticu moj naslonjač prekrit plišem:
Te u meki baršun padoh, povezivat mašte stadoh,
Na razmatranje se dadoh – kakvu mi sudbinu piše
Grobna, kobna drevna ptica – kakvu mi sudbinu piše
Kada grakće: „Nikad više.“

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Sjeđah tražeć smiso toga, al ne rekoh niti sloga
Ptici, čije žarke oči srž mi srca opržiše.
Predan toj i drugoj mašti, pustih glavu mirno pasti
U taj baršun ljubičasti, kojim svjetlo sjene riše.
Sjest u baršun ljubičasti, kojim svjetlo sjene riše,
Ona neće nikad više.

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Tad ko da se uzduh zgusnu, čudni miris me zapljusnu.
Začuh lagan hod serafa3, koji kadionik njiše.
„Bijedo“, kliknuh, „Bogu slava! Anđelima te spašava,
Šalje travu zaborava, uspomene da ti zbriše!
Pij, o pij taj blagi nepente4, nek Lenori spomen zbriše!“
Reče Gavran: „Nikad više“.

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„Proroče, kog rodi prorok – vrag il ptica, ipak prorok!
Napasnik da l' posla tebe, il oluje izbaciše
Sama al nezastrašena usred kraja urečena,
U dom opsjednut od sjena, reci, mogu l' da me liše
Melemi iz Gileada5, mogu l' jada da me liše?“
Reče Gavran: „Nikad više“.

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„Proroče, kog rodi prorok – vrag il ptica, ipak prorok! –
Neba ti, i Boga, po kom obojici grud nam diše,
Smiri dušu rastuženu, reci da l' ću u Edenu6
Grlit ženu posvećenu, L e n o r a je okrstiše,
Djevu divnu, jedinstvenu, koju anđeli mi skriše.“
Reče Gavran: „Nikad više“.


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„Rastanak je to što kažeš“, kriknuh, „ptico ili vraže!
U oluji bježi, na žal Hadske noći otkud stiže!
Niti pera ne ispusti ko trag laži što izusti!
U samoći mene pusti! – nek ti trag se s biste zbriše!
Nosi lik svoj s mojih vrata, vadi kljun što srca siše!“
Reče Gavran: „Nikad više“.


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I taj Gavran postojano, još je tamo, još je tamo,
Na Paladi blijedoj sijedi, što se iznad vrata diže;
Oko mu je slika živa oka zloduha što sniva,
Svjetlo koje ga obliva, sjenu mu na podu riše;
Moja duša iz te sjene, koja se na podu riše,
Ustat neće nikad više!


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...songs...




A Perfect Circle - Judith


You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I'll never ever choose to be
Oh so many ways for me to show you
How the savior has abandoned you
F*ck your God
Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why

It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you
He did it all for you

Oh so many many ways for me to show you
How your dogma has abandoned you
Pray to your Christ, to your god
Never taste of the fruit
Never stray, never break
Never---choke on a lie
Even though he's the one who did this to you
You never thought to question why

Not like you killed someone
It's Not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side
Talk to Jesus Christ
As if he knows the reasons why
He did it all for you
Did it all for you
He did it all for you





A Perfect Circle - 3 Libras

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't see me at all
Sleeping Beauty

Delusional
I believe I can cure it all for you, dear
Coax or trick or drive or
drag the demons from you
Make it right for you sleeping beauty
Truly thought
I can magically heal you

You're far beyond a visible sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to rescue




The Killers - Read my mind

On the corner of main street
Just tryin' to keep it in line
You say you wanna move on and
You say I'm falling behind

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
Breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The good old days, the honest man;
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees;
A broken wrist and a big trapeze

Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?

It’s funny how you just break down
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline

Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go
Tell me what you find when you read my mind

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said
Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine

Put your back on me
Put your back on me
Put your back on me

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun
When you read my mind




Staind – Outside

And you bring me to my knees, again
All this time that I could beg you please, in vain
All the times that I felt insecure, for you
And I leave my burdens at the door
I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
All this time that I felt like this wont end
It's for you
And I taste what I could never have
Was from you
All those times that I tried
My intentions
Full of pride
And I waste more time than anyone
I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
All the times that I cried
All this wasting
It's all inside
And I feel all this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie here in bed
All alone
I cant mend but I feel
Tomorrow will be ok




Incubus - Love hurts

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast the truth
Don't want to lose what I had as a boy
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in L.A.

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

I'm fettered and abused
Stand naked and accused
Should I surface, this one-man submarine?
I only want the truth!
So tonight we drink to youth!
I'll never lose what I had as a boy

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

Without love I won't survive

Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive
Love sings
When it transcends the bad things
Have a heart and try me
'cause without love I won't survive

Love hurts, ohhh-oh ohh
Love hurts
Without love I won't survive
Love hurts la-la-la-la-la-la oh
Love hurts
Without love I won't survive




Lenny Kravitz - It ain't over 'til it's over

Here we are still together
We are one
So much time wasted
Playing games with love

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
To keep our love alive
But baby it ain't over 'til it's over

How many times
Did we give up
But we always worked things out
And all my doubts and fears
Kept me wondering, yeah
If I'd always, always be in love

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't over 'til it's over

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
Baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't over 'til it's over

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
Baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
And kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't over 'til it's over
Over, over, over.

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
But baby It ain't over 'til it's over
So many years we've tried
To kept our love alive
'Cause baby it ain't over 'til it's over
Over, over, over

So many tears I've cried
So much pain inside
Baby It ain't over 'til it's over




David Bowie - Ashes to ashes

Do you remember a guy thats been
In such an early song
Ive heard a rumour from ground control
Oh no, dont say its true

They got a message from the action man
Im happy, hope youre happy too
Ive loved all Ive needed love
Sordid details following

The shrieking of nothing is killing
Just pictures of jap girls in synthesis and i
Aint got no money and I aint got no hair
But Im hoping to kick but the planet its glowing

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know major toms a junkie
Strung out in heavens high
Hitting an all-time low

Time and again I tell myself
Ill stay clean tonight
But the little green wheels are following me
Oh no, not again
Im stuck with a valuable friend
Im happy, hope youre happy too
One flash of light but no smoking pistol

I never done good things
I never done bad things
I never did anything out of the blue, woh-o-oh
Want an axe to break the ice
Wanna come down right now

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know major toms a junkie
Strung out in heavens high
Hitting an all-time low

My mother said to get things done
Youd better not mess with major tom
My mother said to get things done
Youd better not mess with major tom
My mother said to get things done
Youd better not mess with major tom
My mother said to get things done
Youd better not mess with major tom




Radiohead - True love waits

I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
To wash your swollen feet

Just don't leave, don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love wins
On lollipops and crisps

Just don't leave, don't leave

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands
Your crazy kiss and smile

Just lonely, lonely..
Just lonely, lonely..


Traffic religion - Woman

Woman... sentimental genius
with planets all in line
the power you define

Woman.... the belly-button cycle
your skin to the moonlight
your eyes to the heart inside
moonlight...

Woman... we rape the melody
in every song we sing
in everything...

Woman... a lulaby of grace
alarm on the face of love
alarm on the face of love...




Sick Puppies - All the same

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same

In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same

Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

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