One little fairy's wakening

26.11.2008., srijeda

sa rađanjem novih suza u očima trebala je blijediti bol... polako ali sigurno... blijedila je samo šminka na njezinom licu, ostavljajući duboke crne brazde na obrazima... prazna... poptuno prazna kao ljuska jajeta, a ipak prepuna boli.
znaš li da sam tek nedavno vidjela i tvoju drugu stranu, znaš li da sam bila toliko iznenađena time da sam jednostavno zanijemila... htjedoh skakati od sreće, jer si tu, jer me voliš... jer... si sve što sam ikada željela... i jer si kraj mene. nikakva službena potvrda toga mi nije trebala, niti još uvijek treba. samo ti... tvoj veliki nos kojeg toliko volim trljati o moj, tvoje mekane usne i bodljikava brada koji nikako da obriješ... tvoje oči, tako živahne, tako... onaj čudni pramen kose na lijevoj strani... i ožiljak na desnom ramenu, na kojeg uvijek naletim kada te želim maziti...
vjeruješ li mi da sam se prvi put u njima zaista pronašla? onako, kao nikada do sad... kako nisam vjerovala da mogu. poljubac na kiši... i sjaj u mojim očima... uz misao ne ostavljaj me nikada. i moje suze.. sada... kada napokon razumijem kako te mogu povrijediti više nego bih ikada htjela... bravo za mene, još jednom.... pljesak iz publike molim!
sad...? sve skupa već počinje ličiti na mene... na mene koja te tjeram od sebe kada mi je najteže, na mene... koja izgara od želje da napokon stigne do šarenog ekrana i vidi dull smajlić... ili isplaženi jezik... na mene... koja plače i ne želi ti to reći jer zna da ćeš se zabrinuti... i onda napravi još veću glupost. tako tipično. pitam se, bi li me trebao bolje znati...
a ipak... znati da si zbunjen... time kako se ponekad ponašam... znati da ti je toliko stalo? a ipak biti toliko nesigurna u sebe... jer... tko sam ja da bi me volio? tko sam ja da bi ostao uz mene? kada bi barem znao... da ne mogu zaustaviti suze noćas... jer...te volim... što god ti mislio...

glupi hormoni... i ta nesigurnost koja se javlja uvijek kada divljaju... i ta potreba da sačuvam barem jedan zid oko sebe, da ti ne dopustim prići... jer ćeš opet otići... možda i brže nego bih očekivala, jer... kvragu, tko još ostaje kada ga tjeraju...
osim mene...
i ako znam da ćeš otići, nije li bolje da te pustim odmah... i prepustim se kiši boli koja te ne može isprati...
crni tragovi maskare na licu i tužne pjesme u pozadini....

i jedno tiho volim te prošaptano u monitor...
- 01:10 - Kapljice kiše (2) - Uhvati kapljiicu - #

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Opis bloga

...dreaming of things that were
never to be...

Linkovi

Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within

Young girl don’t cry
I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it’s alright
Your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly

When you’re safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing’s harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there’s no one else, look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way
You’ll learn to begin to trust the voice within

Young girl don’t hide
You’ll never change if you just run away
Young girl just hold tight
Soon you’re gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It’s so hard to stand your ground when you’re so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you look outside look inside to your soul


Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you’re learning
You’ll find all you’ll ever need to know
(be strong)
You’ll break it
(hold on)
You’ll make it
Just don’t forsake it because
No one can tell you what you can’t do
No one can stop you, you know that I’m talking to you

Young girl don’t cry I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall





Pain Of Salvation - Undertow

Let me go
Let me go
Let me seek the answer that I need to know
Let me find a way
Let me walk away
Through the Undertow
Please let me go

Let me fly
Let me fly
Let me rise against that blood-red velvet sky
Let me chase it all
Break my wings and fall
Probably survive
So let me fly
Let me fly...

Let me run
Let me run
Let me ride the crest of chance into the sun
You were always there
But you may lose me here
Now love me if you dare
And let me run

I'm alive and I am true to my heart now - I am I,
but why must truth alwas make me die?

Let me break!
Let me bleed!
Let me tear myself apart I need to breathe!
Let me lose my way!
Let me walk astray!
Maybe to proceed...
Just let me bleed!

Let me drain!
Let me die!
Let me break the things I love I need to cry!
Let me burn it all!
Let me take my fall!
Through the cleansing fire!
Now let me die!
Let me die...

Let me out
Let me fade into that pitch-black velvet night




Matchbox 20 - Unwell


All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like Im headed for a breakdown
And I dont know why

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

Im talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know theyve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow Ive lost my mind

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Ive been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon theyll come to get me
Yeah, theyre taking me away

But Im not crazy, Im just a little unwell
I know right now you cant tell
But stay awhile and maybe then youll see
A different side of me
Im not crazy, Im just a little impaired
I know right now you dont care
But soon enough youre gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, Im just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
Im jus