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24.09.2008., srijeda

povratak mrava

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Gdje smo stali? Tu negdje. Mislim da je ovo valjda najveća stanka koju sam uzela na ovom crnom blogu. Sad bi kao trebala dati neki razlog? Mislim da neću. Pokušala sam sebi objasnit zašto ni jedna riječ nije izašla protekla, pa sad već 4 mjeseca, ali ne ide… nema veze. Ljeto je dakle iza nas, ali neću laprdati o njemu. Bilo je to dobro ljeto, svašta se događalo… nažalost, ovaj blog ga nije proživio sa mnom. Možda i bolje, bio bi skroz na skroz zbunjen. Tako da, ne sumnjam da će neke ljetne priče ipak osvanuti na ovome prostoru. Ali ne sad. I ne večeras.

Razmišljala sam da nastavim bez mrava, ali, čudno bi mi bilo samo izbrisati blog makar sam mislila da sam ga davno prerasla. Vratila sam se postovima na početke bloga od prije koje 3-4 godine kad je nastao i čini mi se da ga je otvorila neka druga ja. Drugačija ja.
Zato sam odlučila ipak švrljat neke stvarčice, tako da sve Ja ostanu u kontaktu. Da se prisjetim malo. Eto. Nadam se da ću nakon ove stanke ipak pisat dalje. Jer… ipak facebook ne može zamijenit mrave ;)

Ajmo počet s jeseni. Dakle, sad sam apsolventica, imam dati još malo ispita, neću reć koliko, pa bi trebala bit gotova. Nekako mi se ne žuri, kao ni jednom hrvatskom studentu. Čemu gubit studentska prava? Planiram dat ispite, ali s diplomom ne žurim, tako jako. Makar, čudno je bit apsolvent. Pa jučer sam upisala faks. Ups, ipak ne jučer nego prije 4 godine. Prošao me onaj flash back neki dan… prvo predavanje, ema, marija, jelena, sava, jana, fantom u operi, balešević… prva godina. Ostale neću nabrajat, jer, nije fer mrave opteretit toliko nakon 4 mjeseca šutnje.

U 4 godine dosta stane…

Evo, jedna zanimljiva zgoda od neki dan. Daklem, krenula ja nadobudno na ispit, pokušavajući prvi put u svom životu prekršiti pravilo i izaći na jedan jesenski rok. U cijeloj povijesti svog studiranja nisam nikad izašla na jesenski rok. Sve ispite koje sam davala, dala bi ih do 7 mjeseca, šta nisam stigla do tad, rješavalo bi se kroz godinu, ali nikad na jesen.
I rekoh, ajmo probat. Imam još jedno pravilo. Na sve ispite na koje idem, pokušavam doći i ući prva. Jednostavno ne mogu trpit pritisak čekanja. Uđem prva i gotovo. Ako padnem imam ostatak dana da se naspavam, ako prođem, imam ostatak dana da se naspavam.
Ovaj ispit na koji sam išla, trebao je početi u 10. Lidia i ja se dogovorile da se nađemo u 8 na faksu, jer na taj ispit je trebalo valjda doći 150 ljudi… a usmeni je.

I, bile smo prve. Mi i još jedan tip s nama. Prvu grupu već imamo. Trema me uopće nije prala, jer, učila sam iz skripti, i nikad nisam izašla na taj ispit, bilo mi je svejedno šta će bit. Već oko 9 skupila se hrpa ljudi, oko 10 i pol došao je profesor. I odjednom 200 ljudi pred vratima, ali, srećom tu je spisak. Profesor, inače jako blag, došao je u žurbi, rekao da će pitat samo prvu grupu a drugi neka mu dođu sljedećih dana jer on danas žuri i mora na pogreb hitno. Lidia, tip i ja se pogledamo – kao sve ok, mi se ne moramo brinuti idemo prvi, kad čuda li ne viđenog stvori se neka ženskica tik do vrata i reče – ja idem sad. Naime, JA SAM TRUDNA.

Moram priznat da me to šokiralo više nego to što sam 3 minute kasnije pala ispit (koji btw slovi kao lak). Daklem, što mi to imamo tu? Svetu trudnu studenticu. Da se mi razumijemo, da, trudnice stvarno trebaju imati prednost. Ali dotična trudnica, nije imala trbuh, ravna skroz – dakle negdje prvo tromjesečje. Drugo, zaboga taj stav! Ni zamolba, ni ništa. Samo taj razlog da je ona trudna. Zaboga. Što smo ti mi skrivili? Jel netko od nas sudjelovao?
Nitko od nas troje nije je pustio. Ja sam je pitala jesam joj ja kriva jel je trudna? Da i mi ne-trudne studentice imamo pravo polagat ispite prije drugih ako smo stigle prije drugih. Lidia je rekla mislim, da i ona sumnja da je trudna pa da je ne može pustit, a tip je isto, mislim, rekao da je trudan. Zatim je odustala od pokušaja danas.
Trudnoća je divna stvar. Ako je planirana još divnija. No, tako je bezobrazno koristit na faksu? Zato jer ti se ne da čekat red… ne bi išlo. Makar priznam, da je bila u višem stadiju bila bih je pustila.
Na trećoj godini sa mnom na kolegiju Televizija je bila cura koja je fantastično balansirala faks i trudnoću, a poslije faks i dijete. Bila je uspješnija od polovine studenata. Do ljetnog roka dala je sve ispite. Rodila 05.07 i na faks se taman vratila u 10 mjesecu… dakle, to se može.
A fakultet političkih znanosti pun je trudnica čini mi se. Nekad mi se čini da bi i sama imala puno više uspjeha da me netko napumpa. Pregrist ću jezik ipak.


Ponekad razumijem muškarce koji znaju bit frustrirani svim tim ženskim manipulacijama. Ona je TRUDNA. Neka se zaustavi svijet, jer je njoj netko napravio dijete i ona će bit majka.
Milijarde žena to prolaze, i prolazit će.
Možda ću jednog dana i ja zahtijevat da me puste ispred sebe, možda ću se sjetit ove zgode i reć – pravo ti budi Ivana, nisi pustila trudnu kolegicu na ispit! No, znate što? Ja mislim da ću ja jednostavno nabavit stolicu. I čekati sjedeći.

Eto, tako je prošao moj jesenski izlazak na ispit. Šteta bi bilo rušiti tradiciju, kad je opće poznato da jesenski rokovi ne prolaze kod mene, i da ja ne prolazim lako te lake ispite…

Više sreće u jedanaestom mjesecu… a dotad, planiram malo ludovat po Europi. Jel netko zna kakvo će vrijeme bit sljedećih tjedana u Portugalu? I šta je pametno spakirati???


p.s. mravi će ipak natrag u svoju kolonu ;)

- 23:53 - make my day (6) - čemu? - #

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Komentari On/Off

o čemu?

o čemu? o gadostima života. Ali one najteže ljigarije. Da se očekivati i touch of pink kad me uhvati pms... onda i vrijeđam.



za išta vrijedno čitanja adresa je: art_poetique@yahoo.com


njih čitam, a neke gledam

Sally's Song

I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend
And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be
What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last
And will we end up together?
No, I think not, it's never to become
For I am not the one



>Kako je sve prestalo? Valjda na isti način kako je i počelo. Malo ubrzano, bez ikakvog početka i bez ikakvog kraja. Ne znam…
Tu i tamo me nečiji parfem podsjeti na njega. Tu i tamo svi počinju nositi taj parfem. Odjednom svi počinju imati njegov miris. Onda gledam oko sebe jer mislim da je tu negdje, ali nikad ga nema. Često mislim da uopće tu nije riječ o njemu, mogao je biti to netko drugi, vjerojatno bi bilo svejedno. Samo ovako pred očima imam njegov lik i predodžbu o njemu koju vjerojatno on ne ispunjava. Mislim da se zaljubljujem u svoju kreaciju…s posuđenim likom nekoga, naravno. Nije bitno. Moda se mijenja.


A.M.

JUST COFFEE

HE WANTED BIGGER LOVE,
HAD TO HAVE IT LIKE HE
HAD TO DREAM HIMSELF
TO SLEEP. RECROSSED
HIS LEGS AND WAITED
FOR HER TEARS. WHEN
THEY CAME, HE HELD
HER HAND, PRETENDED
TO BE INTERESTED IN
SOMEONE WALKING BY
THEIR TABLE.


by V. Mortensen









What if...

If God had a name,
what would it be?
And would you call it to his face
if you were faced with him
in all his glory?
What would you ask if you had just one question?
And yeah,
yeah,
God is great.
Yeah,
yeah,
God is good.
And yeah,
yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
just tryin' to make his way home?
Back up to Heaven, all alone?
If God had a face,
what would it look like?
And would you want to see
if seeing meant that you would have to believe
in things like Heaven
and in Jesus and the saints
and all the prophets?
And yeah,
yeah,
God is great.
Yeah,
yeah,
God is good.
And yeah,
yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
just tryin' to make his way home?
Back up to Heaven, all alone?
Just tryin' to make his way home,
like a holy rollin' stone?
Nobody callin' on the phone,
'xcept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome...


Alanis Morisette




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R.E.M.

"Leaving New York"

It's quiet now
And what it brings
Is everything

Comes calling back
A brilliant night
I'm still awake

I looked ahead
I'm sure I saw you there

You don't need me
To tell you now
That nothing can compare

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden A frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind
Leaving was never my proud
Leaving New York, never easy
I saw the light fading out

Now life is sweet
And what it brings
I tried to take
But loneliness
It wears me out
It lies in way

And all not lost
Still in my eyes
The shadow of necklace
Across your thigh
I might've lived my life in a dream, but I swear
This is real
Memory fuses and shatters like glass
Mercurial future, forget the past
It's you, it's what I feel.

You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)
You might have hidden a frown (change)
You might have succeeded in changing me (it's pulling me apart)
I might have been turned around (change)

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out
You find it in your heart, it's pulling me apart
You find it in your heart, change...

I told you, forever
I love you, forever
I told you, I love you
I love you, forever
I told you, forever
You never, you never
You told me forever

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden the frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)



James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.


a. morissette

An old man, turned 98
He won the lottery, and died the next day
It's a black fly in your chardonnay
It's a death row pardon, two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic?
Don't you think?

It's like rain, on your wedding day
It's a free ride, when you've already paid
It's the good advice, that you just didn't take
And who would've thought? It figures

Mr. Play-It-Safe, was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase, and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life, to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought, "Well isn't this nice"?
And isn't it ironic?
Don't you think?

It's like rain, on your wedding day
It's a free ride, when you've already paid
It's the good advice, that you just didn't take
And who would've thought? It figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
When you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam, when you're already late
A no smoking sign, on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic?
Don't you think?
A little too ironic?
Yeah I really do think

It's like rain, on your wedding day
It's a free ride, when you've already paid
It's the good advice, that you just didn't take
And who would've thought?
It figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
And life has a funny, funny way, of helping you out
Helping you out

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