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02.06.2008., ponedjeljak

o prijateljicama... i Njemu.

U doba kad je još nisam htjela slušat, mama mi je rekla: 'prijeteljstvo treba njegovati, ne možeš se okrenuti kad je najgore i odustati od svega...''

Ne kažem da nije imala pravo. Ali, sve to ne vrijedi puno ako se samo ti trudiš, ili ako procijeniš da spasa nema. Ne znam. Tako to ide rekla bih. Jedan dan tvoj život čine One, a drugi dan tu ulogu preuzme On. Pa zar je to moguće, pitam se?
Zar je moguće da jedna osoba zamjeni više njih? Da li je moguće da osobe koje su prije činile tvoj život, sad su višak? Nema mjesta za njih... Jer je to popunio On.

Moguće je ljudi, moguće.

Evo tri slučaja... zanimljiva zapravo. odnos On i One. i kako sve uskladiti.

slučaj br. 1


Sara, doselila se na faks u veliki grad iz malog grada, sama... drugu godinu svog akademskog obrazovanja upoznaje Njega... nije joj se baš sviđao tako jako na početku, ali bože moj. Treba dat čovjeku šansu... Malo pomalo, to je postalo ozbiljno. Koliko ozbiljno? kao smrt, toliko ozbiljno da je on jedina osoba koju viđa, jedina osoba, osim cimerice, s kojom priča... Sara nema prijateljica više, jer svo svoje vrijeme posvećuje Njemu. Ako mu se slučajno ne javi na telefon sat vremena, On dolazi provjerit jel sve ok s njom, jer zabrinjavajuće je ako se ne čuju ili pošalju si poruku svakih 15 minuta.
Toliko o Sari. Zapravo, zaključak bi možda trebao biti: živjeli su sretno do kraja života, viđajući samo jedno drugo... ali, nekako sumnjam u takav kraj. a sve je moguće...

slučaj broj 2.


Selma, također se doselila na faks, ali ne sama. S njom su tu došle i njezine četiri najbolje frendice... Također je upoznala Njega. I jako ga voli... Sretna je što ga ima. Što je našla nekoga tko je tako upotpunjuje. Ali, tu su još uvijek one. I Selma zna da će zauvijek biti u njenom životu, nikad joj nije palo na pamet njih zapostavljat. I njen dečko to razumije... One su tu bile prije njega, i one će zauvijek biti tu. Možda će poslije svaka imati svoj život, možda je ovo jedino vrijeme, ovaj period kad mogu biti toliko vezane, i to koriste. Makar, Selma ne sumnja da ce biti zauvijek tu. Vidi i njih i njega.

slučaj br. 3


Sandra, ima zajednički početak sa Sarom i Selmom. Sandra se također na faks doselila iz maloga mjesta... Bilo ju je strah da će biti usamljena. Međutim, njezini strahovi su bili neopravdani. Zbližila se s par cura s faksa, imale su dosta zajedničkih stvari, makar su sve četiri bile poprilično različite. Štoviše, gotovo da je jedna morala biti poveznica drugoj... Godine studiranja su prolazile, prijateljstvo se održalo, studentske ludorije su tekle svojim redom...
međutim, unatoč njima, Sandra baš nije bila sretna... Nešto je falilo. Možda dečko? Da, možda bi bilo dobro imati nekoga s čim može započinjat rečenicu 'moj dečko'. Ali, svejedno bilo joj je dobro, valjda. Samo Sandra to najbolje zna.
I, jedne veceri Sandra je napokon odlucila dati šansu NJemu... bio je tu vec neko vrijeme, ali ona se neckala. No, stvar je profunkcionirala. Moglo bi se reci da ga je zavoljela, makar se prije možda nije mogla zamisliti u toj situaciji... i od tada samo on.
Svoje vrijeme je pocela isto tako provoditi samo s njim... a frendice? Ah, da. Pa i one su postojale. Sandra svoje frendice viđa sada samo ako joj usput padne koja kava... tipa, ako joj se neka frendica uklopi u rupu između predavanja pa s njom tada može otići na kavu ili eventualno ručak. a to da bi Sandra predložila neku kavu, nazvala frendicu ili nešto takvo... Ne. Ne pada joj na pamet.To vrijeme je rezervirano za dečka. Jer ona sad većinu svojih rečenica započinje s 'moj dečko'... s pojedinim frendicama lagano i gubi teme za razovor, pošto se viđaju rijetko ne može baš više ni pitat 'šta ima'?


Eto ljudi... to su tri slučaja. Ne znam koji vam je najzanimljivi. Meni osobno se sviđa slučaj dva, štoviše mogu se i poistovjetiti s njim. Ja znam da je ponekad sve to teško izvesti i za svakoga imati vremena. Ono, radiš, trebaš viđati i dečka, i frendice, i rodbinu i psa šetat... znam. previše je to ljudi za jedan dan. Jer dan ima samo 24 sata... ali, možda ih stigneš ubacit u jedan tjedan? Vidiš... 168 sati. Ako ne stanu svi u jedan tjedan, sigurno stanu u mjesec. Možeš li jedan ili dva sata odvojit od 720 za neke ljude koji su nekad činili tvoju svakodnevnicu? Ja mislim da je to izvedivo. Dakako, možda se varam.

Na kraju se svodi na jedno. Jednostavno postoje tipovi ljudi, tipovi cura. Neke mogu balansirati sve, a neke ne. Sara i Sandra su recimo tipovi žena koje mogu biti predane samo jednoj osobi. Dečku. Ako ga nemaju, onda su im frendice zamjena za dečke, ali čim rečenice počnu počinjat sa 'moj dečko' iz vokabulara se gube stvari kao 'bila sam jučer s frendicama na kavi'.

Frendice su zamjena za dečka. Ali, poslije... gube se tragovi postojanja. Tužno zapravo. Ah, ovih dana mi svakakve stvari padaju na pamet... ne znam što mi je. Biće da preispitujem svoju savijest. A ne volim ići tim vodama... Voljela bih da vam mogu reći kako završavaju naše protagonistice... ali ne mogu, jer ne znam. Imam blokadu. Hoće li Sara shvatiti da On malo pretjeruje, ili joj se pak baš to i sviđa? Hoće li u Selminom životu zauvijek ostati njene frendice ma gdje god bile?
Hoće li se Sandra sjetiti života prije Njega, hoće li napokon ona napraviti prvi korak i pozvati frendice na jednu popodnevnu kavu?

Ne znam ljudi. Ako ikad saznam, javljam.

- 22:07 - make my day (9) - čemu? - #

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Komentari On/Off

o čemu?

o čemu? o gadostima života. Ali one najteže ljigarije. Da se očekivati i touch of pink kad me uhvati pms... onda i vrijeđam.



za išta vrijedno čitanja adresa je: art_poetique@yahoo.com


njih čitam, a neke gledam

Sally's Song

I sense there's something in the wind
That feels like tragedy's at hand
And though I'd like to stand by him
Can't shake this feeling that I have
The worst is just around the bend
And does he notice my feelings for him?
And will he see how much he means to me?
I think it's not to be
What will become of my dear friend?
Where will his actions lead us then?
Although I'd like to join the crowd
In their enthusiastic cloud
Try as I may, it doesn't last
And will we end up together?
No, I think not, it's never to become
For I am not the one



>Kako je sve prestalo? Valjda na isti način kako je i počelo. Malo ubrzano, bez ikakvog početka i bez ikakvog kraja. Ne znam…
Tu i tamo me nečiji parfem podsjeti na njega. Tu i tamo svi počinju nositi taj parfem. Odjednom svi počinju imati njegov miris. Onda gledam oko sebe jer mislim da je tu negdje, ali nikad ga nema. Često mislim da uopće tu nije riječ o njemu, mogao je biti to netko drugi, vjerojatno bi bilo svejedno. Samo ovako pred očima imam njegov lik i predodžbu o njemu koju vjerojatno on ne ispunjava. Mislim da se zaljubljujem u svoju kreaciju…s posuđenim likom nekoga, naravno. Nije bitno. Moda se mijenja.


A.M.

JUST COFFEE

HE WANTED BIGGER LOVE,
HAD TO HAVE IT LIKE HE
HAD TO DREAM HIMSELF
TO SLEEP. RECROSSED
HIS LEGS AND WAITED
FOR HER TEARS. WHEN
THEY CAME, HE HELD
HER HAND, PRETENDED
TO BE INTERESTED IN
SOMEONE WALKING BY
THEIR TABLE.


by V. Mortensen









What if...

If God had a name,
what would it be?
And would you call it to his face
if you were faced with him
in all his glory?
What would you ask if you had just one question?
And yeah,
yeah,
God is great.
Yeah,
yeah,
God is good.
And yeah,
yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
just tryin' to make his way home?
Back up to Heaven, all alone?
If God had a face,
what would it look like?
And would you want to see
if seeing meant that you would have to believe
in things like Heaven
and in Jesus and the saints
and all the prophets?
And yeah,
yeah,
God is great.
Yeah,
yeah,
God is good.
And yeah,
yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
just tryin' to make his way home?
Back up to Heaven, all alone?
Just tryin' to make his way home,
like a holy rollin' stone?
Nobody callin' on the phone,
'xcept for the Pope, maybe, in Rome...


Alanis Morisette




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R.E.M.

"Leaving New York"

It's quiet now
And what it brings
Is everything

Comes calling back
A brilliant night
I'm still awake

I looked ahead
I'm sure I saw you there

You don't need me
To tell you now
That nothing can compare

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden A frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind
Leaving was never my proud
Leaving New York, never easy
I saw the light fading out

Now life is sweet
And what it brings
I tried to take
But loneliness
It wears me out
It lies in way

And all not lost
Still in my eyes
The shadow of necklace
Across your thigh
I might've lived my life in a dream, but I swear
This is real
Memory fuses and shatters like glass
Mercurial future, forget the past
It's you, it's what I feel.

You might have laughed if I told you (it's pulling me apart)
You might have hidden a frown (change)
You might have succeeded in changing me (it's pulling me apart)
I might have been turned around (change)

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out
You find it in your heart, it's pulling me apart
You find it in your heart, change...

I told you, forever
I love you, forever
I told you, I love you
I love you, forever
I told you, forever
You never, you never
You told me forever

You might have laughed if I told you
You might have hidden the frown
You might have succeeded in changing me
I might have been turned around

It's easier to leave than to be left behind (it's pulling me apart)
Leaving was never my proud (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)
Leaving New York, never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the light fading out (change)
Leaving New York never easy (it's pulling me apart)
I saw the life fading out (change)



James Blunt - You're Beautiful

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.


a. morissette

An old man, turned 98
He won the lottery, and died the next day
It's a black fly in your chardonnay
It's a death row pardon, two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic?
Don't you think?

It's like rain, on your wedding day
It's a free ride, when you've already paid
It's the good advice, that you just didn't take
And who would've thought? It figures

Mr. Play-It-Safe, was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase, and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life, to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought, "Well isn't this nice"?
And isn't it ironic?
Don't you think?

It's like rain, on your wedding day
It's a free ride, when you've already paid
It's the good advice, that you just didn't take
And who would've thought? It figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
When you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam, when you're already late
A no smoking sign, on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic?
Don't you think?
A little too ironic?
Yeah I really do think

It's like rain, on your wedding day
It's a free ride, when you've already paid
It's the good advice, that you just didn't take
And who would've thought?
It figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
And life has a funny, funny way, of helping you out
Helping you out

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