Kad mjesec me otme, zvjezde se spoje i noć me proguta, smrt će biti poput života.

četvrtak, 27.07.2006.

felix, felicis

baš sam neki dan razmišljala kako sam sretna. ili možda više kako bi trebala biti sretna. nisam nikad imala velikih problema, nesretnih situacija ili slično da bi spoznala vrijednost života i vlastite sreće. onda sam shvatila da nemam definiciju sreće. prvo što me asociralo bio je taj jedan trenutak u mom životu. ništa neubičajeno, posebno važno, ali svejedno je taj trenutak opis najveće radosti. kad se sjetim tog, osjećam se tako vedro, ispunjeno... posebno. je li to sreća?
sjedila sam s tatom u njegovom kabriu, bilo je ljeto, smijali smo se, nosila sam mokri tirkizni bikini, a na radio je svirala pjesma torn. to je sve. to je sreća.

Što je sreća? Znati što se hoće i to strastveno željeti.
Felicien Marceau

možda je sreća jednostavno želja. možda je zato tako nestalna, tako trenutna. vjerojatno ju zato i priželjkujemo. da nam promijeni svakodnevnicu, a ne da je dio nje. želje povlače nade, nade povlače snove... a nisu li snovi najljepši? ne osjećamo li se zbog njih ispunjeno i posebno? sretno?
a kada se želje ispune... pazi što želiš... zanimljivo je da svi uvijek imaju želje, bez obzira na to koliko su zadovoljni. nikada ne mogu biti sretni. ne zauvijek.
kad smo kod vremena i sreće... zašto uvijek imamo tu potrebu idealizirati prošlost? da bi se prikazali sretnijima? da bi uvjerili sami sebe da smo sretni? zašto zaboravljamo loše, dajemo prednost dobrome?
možda nam je i ideja sreće dovoljna. sama zamisao. sama želja.

uvijek imamo tu potrebu uspoređivanja s drugima. da bi dokazali da smo sretniji. ili nesretniji. zašto sami sebi nismo dovoljni? zašto sami ne možemo ocijeniti našu sreću? zašto se ne možemo oduprijeti tom nagonu normi?

je li sreća sudbina? ili je dio nje? postoji li uopće sudbina? ili sreća? mislim da svatko od nas ima jedan generalno zacrtan put. on odlučuje o njegovom provođenju i posljedicama. ali postoji osnovna ideja za svakoga. ili je i to samo pusta nada? nada sreće?

Ako tvoja sreća zavisi od postupaka drugih osoba onda zaista ne
možeš biti sretna osoba.
Richard Bach

jesmo li sami sebi dovoljni? možda. jesmo li sami sretni?
apsolutno sam protiv stava da se zbog uklapanja ili straha odbijanja, pretvaraš, pokušavaš biti netko tko nisi. mislim da tada najmanje možeš biti sretan. ali jeli tako krivo htjeti nečju potporu? nečije priznanje? naravno, govorim o granicama normale. možemo li ostati jedinstveni, a ne sami? jesmo li onda manje jedinstveni? ili možda baš više? postoji li nešto tako kao "manje" ili "više" jedinstven čovjek? je li zato manje ili više sretan? ili uopće sretan?

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the
wilderness of your intuition. What you`ll discover will bw
wonderfull. What you`ll discover will be yourself.
Alan Alda

kada možemo reći da smo sretni? znamo li to trenutno, znamo li tek kad se prisjećamo, kada smo opet idealizirali trenutak? kada smo zaboravili na one mračne primisli, ogorčena pitanja i knedle u grlu. kada se sjećamo samo smijeha, zabave i ljubavi.
je li krivo idealizirati? pokušati naći neke svjetle točke života?
pretpostavljamo da kada netko počini suicid da je bio nesretan. a možda samo nije znao idealizirati. možda je samo zaboravio. možda se htio sjetiti kada mu je metak raznosio mozak. možda je tada bio sretan. a možda mu je cijeli život bio sretniji od naših, ali to nije dovoljno. sreća nije dovoljna.

kada pitate ljude što žele biti, postati, što žele, najčešći odgvori su zdravlje, obitelj, posao... rijetko, neću tvrditi nikada, odgovor će biti sreća. možda zato što ju podrazumijevamo. kada sve ostalo sredimo, ona će doći sama po sebi. trebamo li biti zadovoljni da bi bili sretni? ne znam. možemo li biti zadovoljni, a nesretni? mislim da da. a što je onda potrebno sreći?
jeli stvarno sve u malim stvarima?

stvarno puno pitanja. ali ja sam sebi uspjela glavno odgovoriti: jesi sretan/na? o da.

Dum spiro,spero.
Punctum vivimus.

with love,

***

27.07.2006. u 23:06 • 5 Komentara • Print • #

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Opis bloga

Fare thee well, little broken heart
Downcast eyes, lifetime loneliness

Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone

Constant longing for the perfect soul
Unwashed scenery forever gone

No love left in me
No eyes to see the heaven beside me
My time is yet to come
So I'll be forever yours

Lyrics

<Don't wanna miss a thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing

Touch Me

Yeah! Come on, come on, come on, come on
Now touch me, baby
Can't you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?
Why won't you tell me what she said?
What was that promise that you made?

Now, I'm gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain
I'm gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I

Come on, come on, come on, come on
Now touch me, baby
Can't you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?
Why won't you tell me what she said?
What was that promise that you made?

I'm gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain
I'm gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I I'm gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain
I'm gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I

London Calling

London calling to the faraway towns
Now war is declared, and battle come down
London calling to the underworld
Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls
London calling, now don't look to us
Phoney Beatlemania has bitten the dust
London calling, see we ain't got no swing
'Cept for the ring of that truncheon thing

[Chorus 1:]
The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
Meltdown expected, the wheat is growing thin
Engines stop running, but I have no fear
'Cause London is drowning, and I live by the river

London calling to the imitation zone
Forget it, brother, you can go it alone
London calling to the zombies of death
Quit holding out, and draw another breath
London calling, and I don't wanna shout
But when we were talking, I saw you nodding out
London calling, see we ain't got no high
Except for that one with the yellowy eyes

[Chorus 2: (x2)]
The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
Engines stop running, the wheat is growing thin
A nuclear era, but I have no fear
'Cause London is drowning, and I live by the river

Now get this

London calling, yes, I was there, too
An' you know what they said? Well, some of it was true!
London calling at the top of the dial
After all this, won't you give me a smile?
London calling

I never felt so much alike [fading] alike alike alike

Dark Chest Of Wonders

Once I had a dream
And this is it

Once there was a child's dream
One night the clock struck twelve
The window open wide
Once there was a child's heart
The age I learned to fly
And took a step outside

Once I knew all the tales
It's time to turn back time
Follow the pale moonlight
Once I wished for this night
Faith brought me here
It's time to cut the rope and fly

Fly to a dream
Far across the sea
All the burdens gone
Open the chest once more
Dark chest of wonders
Seen through the eyes
Of the one with pure heart
Once so long ago

The one in the Big Blue is what the world stole from me
This night will bring him back to me

Fly to a dream...

Nemo

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavor
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I`d give my everything
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forevermore

My flower, withered between
The pages 2 and 3
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh, how I wish...

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go

Oh, how i wish...

Planet Hell

Denying the lying
A million children fighting
For lives in strife
For hope beyond the horizon

A dead world
A dark path
Not even crossroads to choose from
All the bloodred
Carpets before me
Behold this fair creation of God

My only wish to leave behind
All the days of the Earth
An everyday hell of my kingdom come

The 1st rock thrown again
Welcome to hell, little Saint
Mother Gaia in slaughter
Welcome to paradise, Soldier

My 1st cry neverending
All life is to fear for life
You fool, you wanderer
You challenged the gods and lost

Save yourself a penny for the ferryman
Save yourself and let them suffer
In hope
In love
This world ain't ready for The Ark
Mankind works in mysterious ways

Wish I Had An Angel

I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel
Your Virgin Mary undone
I'm in love with my lust
Burning angelwings to dust
I wish I had your angel tonight

Deep into a dying day
I took a step outside an innocent heart
Prepare to hate me fall when I may
This night will hurt you like never before

Old loves they die hard
Old lies they die harder

I wish...

I'm going down so frail 'n cruel
Drunken disguise changes all the rules

Old loves...

I Wish...

Greatest thrill
Not to kill
But to have the prize of the night
Hypocrite
Wannabe friend
13th disciple who betrayed me for nothing!

Last dance, first kiss
Your touch my bliss
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts

I wish...

God Save The Queen

God save the queen
The fascist regime
They made you a moron
Potential H-bomb

God save the queen
She ain't no human being
There is no future
In England's dreaming

Don't be told what you want
Don't be told what you need
There's no future, no future,
No future for you

God save the queen
We mean it man
We love our queen
God saves

God save the queen
'Cause tourists are money
And our figurehead
Is not what she seems

Oh God save history
God save your mad parade
Oh Lord God have mercy
All crimes are paid

When there's no future
How can there be sin
We're the flowers in the dustbin
We're the poison in your human machine
We're the future, you're future

God save the queen
We mean it man
We love our queen
God saves

God save the queen
We mean it man
And there is no future
In England's dreaming

No future, no future,
No future for you
No future, no future,
No future for me

No future, no future,
No future for you
No future, no future
For you

Belive in a thing called love

cant explain all the feelings
that you're making me feel
my heart's in over drive and
you're behind the sterial wheel
touching you, touching me,
touching you cause you touched your blues
i believe in a thing called love
just listen to the rythm of my heart
theres a chance we can make it now
we'll be rockin till the sun goes down
i believe in a thing called love
ooooooh (huh!)

i wanna kiss you every minute every hour everyday
you got me in a spin but everything is a ok

touching you, touching me
touching you cause you touchd your blues
i believe in a thing called love, jut listen to the rythm of my heart
theres a chance we can make it now
we'll be rockin till the sun goes down
i believe in a thing called love
ooooooh guitar

guitaring

touching you, touching me, touching you coz you touched me arghhhh

i believe in a thing called love
just listen to the rythm of ma heart,
is there a chance we can make it now,
we'll be rocking till the sun comes down,
i believe in a thing called love arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

guitar

i wanna kiss you every minute every hour everyday
you got me in a spin but everything is a ok

touching you, touching me
touching you cause you touced your blues
i believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rythm of my heart
theres a chance we can make it now
we'll be rockin till the sun goes down
i believe in a thing called love
ooooooh guitar

guitaring

touching you, touching me, touching you coz you touching me arghhhh

i believe in a thing called love
just listen to the rythm of ma heart,
is there a chance we can make it now,
we'll be rocking till the sun comes down,
i believe in a thing called love arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

guitar