10 HOTTEST TOYS FOR CHRISTMAS

the ex-files:
whenever I sit down to write a paper, my thoughts turn to any subject that I'm not supposed to be writing about. tonight, my thoughts have turned to the "ex-files." it's a cheesy term referring to a person's romantic history pre-current relationship, but let's not debate cliched terms.

the issue with ex's is a tricky one for me, not only given the delicate nature of the beginning of my current relationship, but also because I pretty much have no relevant relationships before this one, so any and all of my ex's I am more than happy to be rid of. for that reason, I do not speak to any of my ex's and have trouble understanding why anyone would speak to their ex's unless it was an effort to get back together with them. I also feel a certain threat with ex's that relate to the breakup. was it situational or was it personal? if it was situational, then am I really just someone to settle with for now, because he couldn't be with that person due to distance, now she has a boyfriend, etc.? I'd prefer a personal break-up, of course, because that means things ended because of incompatibility which makes me feel more secure in my own compatibility. but because of the continued communication and friendly talk, the threat of fires being reignited or him thinking about her instead of me seems far more imminent.

I personally feel far more clear-headed when I don't talk to my ex's. in the very rare occasions that I do talk to them, I'm reminded of what I liked about them or I am more conscious of my gut reaction to act like their girlfriend/partner because that was my past role with them. in other words, that's how I interacted with them in the past so that's how I feel like I should interact with them now, whether or not I actually feel anything for them. hence, I like to avoid any contact with them so I won't feel confused as to how to act around them and to remind myself that things ended for a reason. a damn good reason.

but, I do still have that fear of the "friendly ex" and how it affects my status in his mind's eye. I'd like to convince myself that I'm the climax of his relationships to this point, and that I'm obviously the best choice since he's with me, but there's always that sneaking suspicion that he would be with one of them if the situations were different. what an unfortunate thing to think and feel, and inconvenient as well since I'm obviously supposed to be occupied with my paper: "Male, Middle, and Madam: Perspectives on Winslow Homer's The Bridle Path."

nose back to the grindstone. perhaps with these thoughts out of my head and in yours I will be able to write clearly and concisely about feminist issues addressed the work of a 19th century artist.

04.10

AH IT'S THE 100TH PICTURE! Hai, best friend :D

Time flies so freaking fast.

Sooooo... to sum it up:

- went to class
- went to a peer mentor meeting (I'm going to have a lil' freshmen under my wing ;D)
- bummed around
- finally went back to SG
- went to Boiling Crab w/ Julian
- was told it would be 1.5 hour wait
- went back to the car to watch some HIMYM reruns on my laptop
- drove over to Toys R' Us to buy Scrabble :D
- drove back and waited for another half hour
- finally sat down

Ordered a pound of king crab legs (two legs for $18.99!), fried catfish bucket (w/ cajun fries, yum) and a half dozen of oysters. SUPER messy!! Pretty worth it though :). It was my first time peeling my own crab, so it was fun! Painful, but fun. Would so go back again. This time, a pound of shrimp and crawfish :). A lot cheaper.

Ended up not playing Scrabble :(... but will eventually!

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